Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, β€œI’ll give you a reason to cry!?" I always thought they were going to hit me...

...not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
A man can fly

So there was a man and woman at a bar. The man says "I bet you 5 bucks this magic water will make me fly!" the woman clearly didn't believe him so she accepted the bet. Sure enough the man jumps off the roof and flies for a bit until he gently goes back to the ground. The girl was amazed! She said "You should market this stuff." "You could make millions!" Still in shock she asks for a drink. She takes a swig and a small crowd forms because this girl is about to jump off of a building. She jumps off and falls onto the pavement. The guy is laughing his head off. Suddenly someone shouts from the crowd "You're a mean drunk superman!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoesMemories
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man selling bicycle parts?

He went into the market to peddle his wares.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/peterburk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
While shopping my wife stopped in the make-up section to buy concealer but couldn’t find any.

I now understand why she said it’s the best product on the market.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cigarandcreamsoda
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Where is corn sold?

The Stalk Market

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Broke_Gam3r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Where can you buy quick escapes?

At the flee market.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RichNCrispy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Corn

So I went to the farmers market the other day and I saw pirate selling whole corn on the cob... I asked him β€œhow much is your corn?”

He replied β€œA buccaneer!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/foxrox2020
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an advertisement for the Catholic Church?

Mass Marketing.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/McDudles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
May the sales force be with you.

Q: Why doesn’t Darth Vader hire storm troopers to do his marketing?

A: Because they are always missing their sales targets!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
This Is A Paid advertisement: Have a home project you’re working on? For a limited time, Lowes Home Improvement is now selling Levels 2 for the price of 1!

Multi-level marketing

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BHarcade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The bass player of Red Hot Chili Peppers opened a second hand store

They're calling it the Flea Market

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
[Request] Can anyone please help me come up with a business name that is a Bob's Burgers-level pun?

The neighboring store front and exterminator van in the opening credits have the best punny business names and always crack me up. I'm a fan and would love to name my business in a similar fashion. ETA Examples: I'd Hit That Boxing Gym. Lady and the Clamp, Hardware for Her. A Fridge Too Far. Cupid's Stupid, Divorce Attorneys. A Ton in the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes. Let's Scissor! Collage Studio. Don't Stop Bereaving, Grief Counseling.

But I am So. Stuck.

A little background about my business idea: I'm a personal/sometimes virtual assistant specializing in household admin and management. I'm marketing mostly towards blue collar men who might be widows/divorcees who never had to worry about the general finances and household paperwork. Some of the services offered are: budget setting, bill paying, appointment setting/calendar management, travel arrangements, errands, personal & grocery shopping, pet & house sitting, etc...

I'm ready to take the next steps in making this an actual business and take out some ad space, but the perfectionist in me NEEDS a brilliant name. Can someone please help me? The best I can come up with is some sort of play on Pepper Potts, but I see quite a few VAs out there with that as a business name. I will gift a platinum to the one I like the best if that's appropriate.

Thank you in advance! πŸ”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EmElleGee31
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
We went to a new market today for the first time. Dad was very impressed.

He said, β€œYou’re telling me a flea runs this market?!”

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMikeLeach
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Landed this in a text message thread to my SO

SO (at the market) : What kind of coffee beans do you want?

Me: Anything that doesn't say dark roast

SO: OMG! Hold the phone, I may have found something amazing!

Me: Fun fact, I am already holding the phone.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ScotchHarbour
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I wrote a book about the most comfortable ways to sleep in a coffin.

They wouldn't publish it though, the publisher said that the intended audience was a dead market.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsNacho8000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve noticed recently that socks are costing less and less

Seems like the sock market has crashed

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OdaDdaT
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the man locate the bazaar on the map?

Because he forgot to market

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
"Hey honey did you hear they came out with a male birth control cream?"

It's being marketed as Son-block.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How did Tiger King become so popular during this pandemic?

Netflix is great with viral marketing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AzarVC
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought about buying an ice cream truck and starting up my own business

But I heard the ice cream market is a rocky road

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KnightAngelic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the investment broker that retired to run a celery farm?

It seems he made a killing on the stalk market.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OmegaLiquidX
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Turns out that the coronavirus is set to cost the world 2.5% of the global GDP if it continues at the rate it's going.

It's very influenzial on the worldwide market.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFillywonk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Need help on Avengers and Medical related pun

doing some last minute marketing, anyone can provide me medical related avengers/marvel pun? no matter how bad it is

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jakka_Jakka
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do Heroes shop?

The Super-Market.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Braddinator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a job making Heavy Equipment for Road Building...

but I got laid off. They said the market for Steamrollers was flattening.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to sell my old Peter Sellers DVDs the other day but failed to get the price I was asking

It was not a Sellers market

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arrow-s
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
With everyone quarantined and staying inside, there is no one out to spy on or follow around...

The stalk market is very weak.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Stock markets plunge over Coronavirus fears, some portfolios hit more than others..

... Mainly Spread markets.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Is there an underground, black-market for toilet paper?

A "Brown Market?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Nihilistic works of art don't make a lot of money....

Because its a Nietzsche market

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/urmil0071
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad died in 2004, we still get calls for him at times.

this happened a few years ago. It's about my dad and something my dad would have laughed hard at.

phone rings I pick up

me: Hello

TeleMarketer: Hello is Mr ThrashandBurn's Dad available?

Me: ahhhh no he isn't

TM: do you know a better way to reach him?

with out hesitation

ME: Not unless you got a shovel.

I could hear him holding back his laugh wile trying to give his condolences.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThrashAndBurn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
🚨︎ report
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...

It’s an untapped market.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellaMajestic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
As an assassin, sometimes you have to take different jobs.

I made a killing in the market.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/some_lerker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend is really struggling in trying to make clothes for people diagnosed as anorexic.

It's not really a growing market.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theinfinitejaguar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do dogs go to buy used items?

At the PAWn shop

Alternatively: The FLEA market

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
So My Cat....

So My Cat Had A Bug In Him And I Asked Him Where He Got It And He Said The Flea Market!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Matt4307
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, β€œI’ll give you a reason to cry!?"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk?

The stock market.

πŸ‘︎ 97
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk?

The stock market.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
The baby donkey market is not appealing to sellers

The baby donkey market is difficult to get into and takes a lot of work because it's a small-ass business.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Fat_Hydra
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, β€œI’ll give you a reason to cry!"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

πŸ‘︎ 112
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk?

The stock market.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Where should you never take a dog shopping?

The flea market

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNefelivata
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report

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