What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
For my birthday my brother bought me an elephant for my room.
I said "Thanks." He said "Don't mention it."
I bought my Daughter a locket with her picture inside, for her 18th birthday..
Just so glad She's now finally independent..
Below I will list my two favorite bee related dad-jokes.
What do you call bees that make milk?
Boo-bees
What do you call a beehive with no exit?
Un-bee-leavable
I gave my dad his 50th birthday card.
He said: "One would have been enough."
My neighbor claims his Golden Retriever dog can bring a ball back from half a mile away..
.. that seems a bit far-fetched to me.
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
I need pun-related help, please
My girlfriend and I have a dog named Moose. My girlfriend’s father has been coming up with name-related puns recently and I’m being outdone. Reddit, please help. So far, he has come up with:
Moosical
Moosident
All I have:
Moosing persons
I must win this battle of puns.
I had to put my dog down.
He was diagnosed with updog.
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
I don’t understand why my son was so upset I gave him broken down cardboard for his birthday.
He’s the one who kept asking for an ex-box.
The other day my dog fell into a lake and was drowning. Then some German guy came out of nowhere and saved his life
After I thanked him, he said to me: "Don't vorry, just dry him off and keep him varm, he vill be fine"
I asked him, "Are you a vet?"
He answered, "Am I vet? I'm soaking"
How did Darth Vader know what Luke had got him for his birthday?
Went for a drive with my cat and dog
The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the street.
A buddhist approaches an hot dog stand and says
“Make me one with everything”
Lettuce know if you find our dog
I love going to the park. But the ducks keep harassing my dog.
I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
I took my family to the zoo last weekend, but all they had were dogs!
For my birthday I got a t-shirt that says "I'm a nudist."
Wife says I won’t get 5 upvotes for this, but... Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?
They had a long conversation about bark.
Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.
Why do women refer to unfaithful men as dogs?
They should be called cheetah's.
Me and My Friend Making Terrible Bread Related Puns
https://preview.redd.it/ndctm6eopo471.png?width=926&format=png&auto=webp&s=c33a34bd8011d4c7d6cf18afa817f9cb59ad0cef
Why do dogs float on water so well?
Because they are good buoys.
My son came up with this gem just now during his birthday dinner:
What kind of beans do you find in a measuring cup?
Pint-o beans!
How is Density related to Massachusetts?
It’s Massachusetts divided by Volumeachusetts.
How is the comedian Gus related to a mushroom?
What kind of dogs do programmers have?
What's a dog's favorite veggie?
My 6 year old told me this one today. Why do dogs carry bones in their mouths?
Because they don't have pockets.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
My 3 yr old daughter made her first pun today and I almost cried. She was eating an apple and I asked her if she liked apples.
What do you gift a ghost for it’s birthday?
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Always ask before petting a dog.
What do you call a dog barking under water?
For his birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that swears at him instead of beeping.
He’s in for a rude awakening.
What do you call a relative who doesn't speak truth?
How do you know its raining cats and dogs?
When you step in a poodle.
Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?
Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him.
That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
My mate bought me a terrible thesaurus for my birthday.
I just couldn't find the words to thank him.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday?
What did the one-eyed pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
