Diary Of A Madman Puns

I heard the Characters suck a lot

Because he's allergic.

He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.

That was the punchline

Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"

I did not know.

So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"

So proud.

For example

1. I ate my friend's lunch
2. I ate my friend's colon

A barberqueue

Curiosity killed the cat :(

I know he means well.

Edit: Wow. Thanks for the awards, kind Reddit strangers!

..... oof !!

K9P

Terrible joke, only three stars.

Water. Butane is a lighter fluid

I told him to keep it up!

Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.

….so his doctor gave him medication for Hispanic attacks.

Who buys gummy worms hoping they’d taste as close to real worms as possible?

The man says to the bartender “1 for me, and 1 for the road”

"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."

Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.

I guess I suffer from premature ejokeulation

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now

I guarantee you that nobody has ever heard them.

He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

Running late.

Because Lisa Kudrow.

The outside

gorilla jokes

...I’d say Julying

After I thanked him, he said to me: "Don't vorry, just dry him off and keep him varm, he vill be fine"

I asked him, "Are you a vet?"

He answered, "Am I vet? I'm soaking"

A bullet journal.

Purrrr-ple

Perfect 10, but purely imaginary.

On the one hand, they fit great. On the other hand, they aren't right.

I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.

The man asks "is this good for wasps?"

The cashier says "no sir, it kills them"

A ZOO-cchini!

Aretha Franklins

Because Elijah Wood.

Shade for each other

It's driving me nuts.

He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

I know he means well