It's the pilot's fault.

See a story about a pilot didn't remember his correct destination. Look at my 19 year old son and say "He just plane forgot!"
His eyes rolled like that boulder in Indiana Jones

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jmac0585
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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Self discovery...

I'm going on a self discovery journey, trying to find my way and reason... Destination How-why.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poven100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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I decided to use a ride-hailing app

I got to my destination uber quickly

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Laura1523
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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Bought a Fleetwood Mac gps

Absolutely useless, everytime I enter a destination it tells me 'You can go your own way'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrcheckpointeh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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I took a cutting home from the vineyard as a souvenir.

They told me it was destined for grapeness.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/C0ntrol_Group
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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My son was asking my wife for dessert, but he still had dinner left on his plate

Son: I want ice cream!

Wife: if you're hungry, your plate is right here

Son: But we don't eat plates!

He's only four. This kid is destined for greatness.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PMyourself
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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I got a date to prom.

I got a date to prom, so I went home to get ready only to relize that I was late. So I have to run down to the limo rental place. The line there was pretty long and after that, I hade to get flowers & chocolate. The line there was also pretty long. Then after that, I finally went to pick her up, she was pretty upset but forgived me and we arrived at our destination. I then got thirst and thank god there was no Punch Line.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daxdax_Universe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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Timbuktu

There was a poetry slam competition final between a university scholar and a country person.

Both had one minute to think of a poem that had to have timbuktu in it

The university student goes first and says:

slowly across the desert sand

trekking a lonely caravan

men on camels two by two

destination Timbuktu

and the crowd went wild. then it was the country mans turn to go

he said:

Tim and I hunting we went

met three girls in a pop up tent

they were three and we were two

so i bucked one and timbuktu

Who won?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flynnstar01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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What Do German GPS Systems Say When You Reach Your Destination?

Nein Miles Left To Destination

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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Story time!

A baker and his wife had a child. A lovely, healthy boy. Since the wife was mad about history, she wanted to give the boy a name suitable for a man destined for great things. Jokes were made, names proposed, but in the end the decision was made - they named the boy Attila.

Attila showed great potential from an early age - he excelled at sports, grew strong, but his other capabilities were astonishing as well. He learned and went through encyclopedias like a fire through forests. Surely enough, he was bound to become a great man some day.

Apart from being an exceptional young man, he loved animals as well. He was kind and compassionate, equally cherishing all forms of life. Since his parents loved him so much, they bought him all he ever wanted - but he did not ask for much, he was never greedy.

Growing up, he has received many animals as pets - there were cats, dogs, hamsters and even exotic animals - tarantulas, snakes, scorpions, you name it.

Their home became a sort of an animal sanctuary, and Attila took care of all animals with love and passion. But, the family business was starting to suffer when his father the baker got ill.

Being the amazing young man he was, Attila stepped up and started learning secrets of the trade - he started baking like no one else.

But, since he devoted his time to the bakery, the animals were starting to be neglected. He tried feeding them, petting them, but nothing helped.

Slowly, one by one the animals passed away leaving behind only the most resistant ones - the snake and a few spiders.

The spiders were easy to take care of, but the snake wouldn't eat, no matter what. Saddened, Attila came to his mother and asked for advice as he was all out of ideas. Of course, being the caring mother she always was, she passed on her knowledge to Attila:

"This anaconda don't want none, unless you got buns, Hun."

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeviantClam
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2016
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Talking to a conductor at the train station

Background: Where I live, we have these little plastic cards instead of tickets to get on trains. You load it up with money electronically and then "touch on" at the train station and "touch off" when you get off at your destination. The other day I touched on at the station. Shortly after arriving, the meeting I had been going to got postponed. So I touched off. I wanted to make sure that I hadn't been charged for sitting in the station for five minutes so I went up to the ticketing booth.

Me: Is there anyway for me to check the balance of this online or something?

Conductor: Oh, no need. I can do that for you!

He takes the card, places it on the end of his finger, and holds it up to his eyes.

Conductor: Yep, perfectly balanced!

I think he was surprised by how funny I found this.

πŸ‘︎ 378
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChoozeGooze
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2013
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My dad was confused about the route the satnav was taking us

Dad: where is it taking us?

Me: [destination]

Dad: no, I meant how is it going to guide us there?

Me: on the roads

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T3CHN4UT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
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Timbuktu

This has long been one of my favorite jokes. I'd credit the original writer if I could:

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was literature student from Harvard. The other finalist was a lineman from Alabama. They each would have one minute to compose a poem rhyming the word "Timbuktu."

They drew straws, and Princeton student was to go first. He sat and thought for a few seconds, then spoke into the microphone: "Slowly across the desert sand Trekked the dusty caravan. Men on camels, two by two Destination -- Timbuktu.”

The crowd went wild, certain the Alabama kid was done for. The clock started, and he just stared at the crowd. Then, when everyone thought he was finished, out of nowhere he said:

β€œTim and me, a-huntin' went. Met three girls in a pop-up tent. They was three, we was two, So I bucked one and Timbuktu!”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/qbedo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2017
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[Pun Request] Puns about Mae/Des

Hey guys, this might sound too cheesy and I'm not sure if I'm posting on the right subreddit.

Every Saturday I give my SO a printed typography paper that I personally design with a pun of her name on it (her name is Des, I call her Mae so either is good).

Here's a sample of what I do.

Problem is, I can make the designs, but I'm running out of puns. Here's a list of what I've already done:

Des puns:

  • Hardest

  • Wordes (Words)

  • Widest

  • Uncondesionally (Unconditionally)

  • DrivES

  • Dessert

  • Fades

  • Des (This)

  • Holidess (Happy Holidays!)

  • Desperate

  • Desision (Decision)

  • Decades

  • Desert

  • Destination

  • Dress (DrESs)

  • Despresso (Espresso)

Mae puns:

  • Maend (I hope you don't maend(mind)
  • Maecadamia (Macadamia)
  • Maengo (Mango)
  • Maecaroni (Macaroni)
  • Maeple (Maple)
  • Lifetimae (Lifetime)
  • Imaegine (Imagine)
  • Chamaeleon (Chameleon)
  • Caramael (Caramel)
  • Achievemaent (Achievement)
  • Gmaes (Games)
  • Maek (Make)
  • Drmae (Dream)
  • Dramey (Dreamy)
  • Maesure (Measure)
  • Blmae (Blame)
  • Maet (Mate)
  • Climaet (Climate)
  • Ultimaet (Ultimate)
  • Maebe (Maybe)
  • Mae (My one and only)
  • Mae (Whatever May Happen)
  • Maen (You mean everything to me)
  • Maent (We're meant to be)
  • Amaezing (Amazing)
  • Maeutiful (Beautiful... I know)
  • Maechiatto (Macchiato)

I'd really appreciate some help if you guys have any puns reserved. Anything will do, really.

Thanks!

EDIT: Formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roastedtuna
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2016
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And man is on a plane, and asks to a flight attendant :

"Excuse me, how long will it take before we arrive at our destination?" The attendant responds : "Just one minute sir" "Wow! That's really fast"

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
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The first time they ever met, my dad blindsided my mom with this prophetic alphabet dad joke.

So my dad's name is Jay and my mom's name is Kay. The first time they were introduced, it was obvious their names were destined for dad joke immortality:

Mom's friend: Jay, this is my friend Kay! I thought you two should meet!

Mom: Hi.

Dad: Ya know, if we get married and have kids... we could name them Ellie, Emmie, and Opie. We could eat alphabet cereal for breakfast and alphabet soup for dinner! :) ;)

Mom: ..... uh..

30 years later and they did get married, and did get their "Emmie"! (my sister's name is Emily)

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Egdirdle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2015
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The Train conductor at the station this morning was definitely a Dad...

So I was taking the train to work this morning, and I'm exchanging at a station. I walk up the stairs to the platform to get my second train which should lead me to work, and I notice a train leaving the platform. As anyone would do, I asked the conductor "is that Liverpool?" (referring to the train as my destination). He replied "No mate, that's a train". It wasn't the liverpool train and I wasn't late, but that sure made my day!

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Throwaway00010110
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2015
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Conversation with son while driving down highway

[Driving down an unfamiliar part of I-95 highway with family (wife, 15yo son and 15yo daughter) when I had this conversation with my son:]

Son: Dad, where are we?

Me: Florida.

Son: No, Dad, more specific than that. Where are we?

Me : (reading exit sign) Wickham Road.

Son: Where's Wickham Road?

Me: (pause a bit for effect) Florida...

Son: (frustrated grunt) No, Dad, what town are we in?

Me: (reading exit sign again) Viera.

Son: How far is that from Vero? [our destination]

Me: About three letters.

[Satisfactory groans throughout car. Very pleased with self.]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlmostDisjoint
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2015
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"One round trip please."

"Which destination?" "Well, back here, of course."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Inargenti
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2017
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I've never known if my Dad was being a troll, or a Dad

I was driving with my permit and my Dad was in the passenger seat. He is notoriously good with directions (and at the time I was unfamiliar with our whereabouts), we are approaching a dead end stop sign (I can only turn left or right). I proceed to ask my dad about 30 yards away from the intersection if it was faster to go left or right (to our destination) he simply replies "yes."

Anytime I bring it up now he just chuckles and changes the subject.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TooMuchJokes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2013
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There was a big poetry contest and it cane down to two finalists, an English proffessor and a native American. They had to improvise a poem from a word that the judges gave them. The word was Timbuktu...

The English professor went first. He thought for a minute, then stepped up to the mic and said:

Slowly across the desert sand, Marched a lonely caravan, Men on camel, two by two, Destination; Timbuktu.

The audience applauded. Then it was the Native American's turn. He stepped up to the mic and said:

Me and Tim a huntin' went. Met three gals in a pop-up tent. They were three, we were two, I bucked one, Tim bucked two.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wise_Guy_Plato
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2017
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My wife sent me to run errands with the kids

And one of the destinations was to pick something up from a vet clinic (one of those online garage sales). When I got there they asked how they could help me.

While holding my kids I said, "I don't know but I think something is wrong with my dogs"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Burts_Business
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2017
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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I love my dad's humor

My parents are heading up to NY on vacation together. We have a group text that has my parents, my wife and I, my brother and his fiancee, and my sister. All day, half the family has been traveling for either work of vacation, so there have been a lot of texts about when people have boarded their flights or landed at their layovers of destinations. After 2 hours without any texts, here are the latest two texts we all got:

Mom: We got to NY!

Dad: Glad to hear it!

(remember, they're traveling together. Oy)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattProducer
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2016
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Dad joke solidarity on the tube today

A boy and girl (about 14/15) were arguing about what trains they should take to get to their destination. Although friendly the argument got pretty loud and their other friend (boy, same age) says:

"Hey, no need to go off the rails....geddit?"

He looked really pleased with himself they didn't even laugh.

As I got off I looked at him, nodded and said "Nice" and he said "Thank you".

I forgot to mention that his girl friend might be pregnant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnathemaFan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
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My friend is destined to be a Dad..

Friend: Yo, JA24, I was thinking of starting a business
Me: Oh really, doing what?
Friend: Airline Pastry catering
Me: ...sounds oddly specific
Friend: Well it's just a pie in the sky at the moment!

He comes out with these all the time, he's destined to embarrass his kids with these one day :P

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JA24
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2013
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A compilation of my dads terrible jokes

After seeing Taken:

"Taken? More like this movie has taken all my money!"

After seeing Final destination 5:

"Final Destination? More like, My Final destination is out of the movie theater!"

"Wanna know what my favorite part of the movie was? The credits!"

"The back of my eyelids were more entertaining than that movie."

After telling him about a Slayer concert:

"Slayer? More like, this band is gonna slay all my money!"

After telling him my favorite musical genre is heavy metal:

"Well, i hate heavy metal. I can never lift it!"

These are just a few

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tardersauce12
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2013
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I laughed at my own joke (I was the only one)

The following is a text exchange between me and a friend:

Friend: Arrived safely in Vietnam. See you in a few weeks!

Me: Glad to hear You've reached your destinASIAN!

Bonus points: I used the asian face character emoji!

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stillnoxsleeper
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2014
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This ones from my dad's dad, but nonetheless quite good

Sitting down for story time one afternoon, my grandfather began telling us the story of his trip to the Arctic, "It was a treacherous journey, but we finally made it to our destination, the North Pole. It was a huge sigh of relief for my exploration team and me because we knew that from that point on, it was all downhill from there,".

Classic. We miss you dearly.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HP335
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2015
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Dad got me on the way to the store

I had the GPS on and we were almost there.

Dad: "I thought we were going to Home Depot! It says we're going to Destination."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orangeinferno
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2015
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A little road trip humor...

Getting closer to our destination, I mention to my wife that I need to go pee. She asks, "Can you hold it?" I cup my hands and say, "I suppose maybe for a little bit, but I think it'll leak out." Suffice it to say that she retracted the courteous offer and made me wait. Worth it!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pmkenny1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2014
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So I work at a shipping company...

And as we were cleaning up last night one of my coworkers hollers from across the room about a package.

"Hey! What's that box?"

"Well it looks like cardboard to me..."

I couldn't hear the groan but how she stomped over to read the destination was satisfying.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raiks
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2014
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Dad's favorite roadtrip joke.

Dad tells us this one whenever we get close to the destination or home on long roadtrips.

What did the monkey say when the train ran over his tail?

"Well, it won't be long now..."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
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I was so so proud of this one

I'm playing skyrim but I'm too much of a lazy bum to walk/run to my destination so I go into console and type in tcl and just run straight through the clouds to my quest. My friend asks me what I'm doing (he just walked in and isn't looking at me) and I explain that I'm hovering 3000 or so feet above a major city. "Hamza," he asks, "how many drugs are you on?" "Oh, I'm not on drugs. I'm just really high."

It's lame but it's my first one and I'm rather proud of it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hamza78ch11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2014
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whenever my family drives somewhere far...

when we get close to our destination my dad will always say "What did the mouse say when he got his tail caught in a trap?" "It won't be long now"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robtheprez
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
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