What do you call a deer with no eyes? **Bonus jokes included**

No i-dear.

Bonus What do you call a deer with no eye and no legs?

Still, no I-dear

Bonus What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no dick?

Still no fucking i-dear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maxlifts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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A joke about deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? I ask 'what?' He says, 'No I deer'. Now what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? 'what?' Still no I deer.

I laughed my ass off for about 20 minutes. This was about a week ago.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scorppio500
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2016
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My Dad just told me a joke about deers

"I found the cheapest meat ever, it was below a buck"

"What was it"

"Deer balls"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beejsterb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2015
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Two Deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says

β€œI can’t believe I blew 40 bucks in there”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Rudolph the red and his wife were on a stroll. Rudolph the red looked up at the sky and said "we should hurry up, there is a storm comming". So his wife asked "how do u know" and he replied...

"Rudolph the red knows rain dear"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/13harry09
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.

But she still won't admit she framed me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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When I caught my neighbor attaching a rocket engine to a deer, I immediately reported him to the authorities.

Shame on him for trying to make a quick buck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
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What do you call a person with no body and no nose??

NOBODY KNOWS!!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shahoody24
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing.

It’s on the house.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quibblicous
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Not a joke: does anyone have any Dad jokes that I can use on my 5-year-old? I see maybe one joke per week on here that she would understand. Do we need a r/youngerdadjokes?

Punchline

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tippopotamus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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Some Christmas Dad Jokes

Why are Santas reindeer generally drenched with water?

Because they are rain-deer.

Why did Santa have to visit the psychologist?

He had low elf esteem.

source

Why are Christmas trees so uncoordinated when it comes to sewing?

They always drop their needles.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a hungry mosquito?

Frostbite

​What did Adam say to Eve on the night before Christmas day?

It's Christmas Eve!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmantis311
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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It's good to have bed manners
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
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What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are $1.47, deer nuts are under a buck.

Made this joke up in the 3rd grade (you can't tell by the pricing). I'm very old now. Still a winner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irish_car_b0mb21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."

"Then you’ll have a match."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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my dad called me in the middle of class to tell me this joke

He was confused at what a habenero was, so he asked his Mexican friend who told him, "Of course man I can tell you." My dad asked to use it in a sentence. His friend said, "Alright, I wanted to go bow hunting but I didn't habanero."

I thought someone had died.

Edit: Spelled habanero wrong. Whoops. Also, wow this is big. I did not expect this much attention.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/angry-elf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2016
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My magnum opus. Even though the Photoshop skills are something quite atrocious. (Pic)

http://imgur.com/p8zGyin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeywithanr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2016
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What do you call bears with no ears?

B

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2016
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What is the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

A Hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trenton00
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2016
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Girlfriend got me good while entering the elevator.

The door opened and I said: "After you my dear". Her response: "Thank you my elk"!

It took me a while to realize it, but damn I'm proud.

Edit: Geez thanks for all the entertaining comments, I woke up to a plethora of notifications! I appreciate it everyone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rskrely
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2016
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What do you call a Communist sniper?

Marxman

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lawsoffire
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2016
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My 3yr old daughter is showing good signs..

"Hey dad?"

"Yes dear?"

"Hey, im not a DEER!"

Caught me off guard so early in the morn. It was quick, and it was glorious. I need to step my game up before i lose my throne....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/noididntjustget
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2014
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Sometimes I miss my dad and his jokes :( This one was his GO TO, would tell it every single chance he got.

Dad: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

(expectant silence)

Dad: (relentless attempts to evoke wrong answers from audience)

Dad: No eye-deer??? (:D)

I never found it funny, but now that he's not around to tell it I kinda chuckle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreamOutLoudd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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A clown bets an old man $100 he can make him laugh. Man says "Sure, it won't happen"

Clown asks: "What do you call someone posing as a fake Italian chef? An im-pasta"

Man doesn't laugh

Clown asks: "What do you get when you cross a tiger and a bear? A tiger and a bear seeking revenge."

No response

Clown asks: "Which super hero asks the most questions? Wonder Woman"

Nothing

Clown asks: "Have you heard of the baseball team the Chicago Hot Dogs? They are the wurst"

Doesn't crack a smile

Clown asks: "Why was the alcoholic so annoying? He wined too much"

Clown starts to get nervous

Clown asks: "The disinterested hockey player got a penalty. What was it? Boarding"

Blank look

Clown asks: "What is a nun's favorite card game? Old Maid"

Yawn

Clown asks: "How do crustaceans celebrate birthdays? With crab cakes"

Annoyed

Clown asks: "What do you call a champion deer? A Win-doe"

grasping at straws

Finally Clown asks: "How do sheep sleep when they have nightmares? Baaaaadly"

He never laughs. Clown gives him his $100 and asks "Did any of my jokes make you laugh?"

Man says "No pun-in-ten-did"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scoob1978
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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What’s a mouse-deer?

It’s a small rodent sweetheart.

topical dad joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reg890
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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Great list of excellent puns

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crΓͺpes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop

any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd

never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Why were the Indians in America first? They had reservations.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she

couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A theasaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The

police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

My friend sent me these puns idk source just thought you would enjoy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benschweiz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2016
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A physicist, a statistician, and a mathematician go deer hunting together.

They see a deer, so the physicist takes a shot and misses 3 feet to the left. The mathematician takes a shot and misses 3 feet to the right. The statistician puts his gun down, and yells β€œgood job guys! We hit!”. (Technically a joke from my professor, but it felt very fitting here).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WavvesDude
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
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Not your average dad joke...

So, I realize this isn't entirely in the spirit of dad jokes, but I think you all will get a groan or three in the end...

Basically, my dad is the epitome of /r/dadjokes. He is a walking talking dadjoke. So, it was quite the shock to our family when we recently found out that he has stage 4 Cholangiocarcinoma (the Bad Luck Brian of cancers.) and doesn't have much longer to live. Anyhow, his favorite image on the internet is of a dead deer on the side of the road with a "Get well soon" balloon tied to its leg. It cracks him up. Tickles him pink in fact...so, being the morbid family we are, that lead to this...

http://imgur.com/h2cCZQq

He might be dying, but I still call him dad, and he is still quick with a joke. As you can see his sense of humor hasn't gone anywhere. Our family's sense of humor is what gets us all through. I believe my favorite bad joke through all of this was his buddy who said, "Frank, that is the worst spray tan I've ever seen in my life." (You see, the cancer is shutting down his liver and he appears yellow from jaundice.)

I'm not looking for any sympathy here, dad's die all the time. That's a tough fact of life. I just wanted to spread a fine dadjoke.

Thanks for reading.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billegoat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2015
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What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea..

Joke 1

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KidInk_12
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2018
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My fathers go-to joke(Bonus craziness inside!)

"What do you call a deer with no eyes?" "NO EYED-DEER"

My favorite, not so much a joke as him being silly, but when I was young, I said "dad, what's for dinner?", he turned to me quickly and shouted, "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!, DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING WEATHERMAN?!" And casually walked away. :3

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goddess_Farore
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2013
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So my dad just figured out how to text message, and he's taking full advantage of it.

This is the exact interaction that took place:

Dad: I have a joke for you

Me: Aight.

Dad: When someone expresses an annoying opinion ask them...

Me: Go on. Im enthralled.

Dad: Deer eat grass, cows eat grass

Dad: Horses eat grass

Dad: Ask: why is deer poop like raisins but cow poop look like paddies and horse look like apple plop

Dad: He or she will say I do not know

Dad: R u ready for punchline?

Me: I was born ready.

Dad: Ok then...

Dad: U say, why do I care what u say when you don't know shit!

Me: I see you learned to text message.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllantheCat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
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[request] Joke for my school yearbook

Hey I am supposed to come up with a joke that will go at the start of my school yearbook. I'm wondering if you guys could please help me? I'll try to credit you or this sub or something. Thanks.

The high school is called "Hunting Hills", the color is blue, our team name is the "lightning" and the mascot is called "Stryker". Our city is called "Red Deer".

Here's one that I thought of that's really bad that you could try and improve:

Q: Why does Hunting call itself the lightning?

A: Because on a hill is where you are most likely to get struck!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokethunder
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Even during this, my dad still tries to pull off a joke

So, let's start off with a fact about myself: I'm vegetarian. I've been one my whole life. Now, let's get to the story.

Basically, I was driving down to camp at a Battleship with my dad (for a Boy Scouts trip), and this was during my first 6 months of learning to drive. This was the most intense trip for me (so far), and I was already nervous about driving on the interstate, so I was doing my best to practice proper driver etiquette.

Now, here's where the story gets interesting. I'm cruising down the interstate, going approximately 70 mph in the middle lane, when all of a sudden, I see a deer emerge onto the road from the right. It's running to the left (aka, trying to cross this interstate). The car to the right of me slams on the brakes, so the deer kept running. I slammed on my breaks as hard as I could, BARELY missing the deer. The car to the left of me was unlucky. The deer smashes its head into the left car's headlight and it flips over to the right (over my car). Clearly, it's dead, and as it flipped over my car, a lot of its blood gets onto my windshield.

I'm horrified. I kept driving forward. Trying to make sure I didn't veer off or anything. I look to my dad, and my hands are slightly shaking while I'm continuing this trip. My dad looks over to me, smiles, and says, "Don't worry, my 'deer'. Keep driving."

I looked back at him with the most disgusted face, and he just started giggling. Good god, this was NOT the time for a dad joke, but nevertheless, my dad didn't fail to deliver.

I thought I'd hate him forever after this and people would agree with me, but now this joke gets one of the largest laughs from people at parties. <_<

tl;dr My dad's sense of humor appalls me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chunkymonkeyman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
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Dad joke in the wild...

Out for a hike in an urban provincial park in Calgary with my wife, my cousin, and my cousin's husband. We slow down to look at a deer about 5m off the trail. A middle age couple is walking towards us, when:

Woman: Look honey, a deer!
Her husband: Oh dear!

His wife, my wife, and my cousin all groan/eye roll... and me and my cousin's husband have a hearty chuckle, while the man sports a wide grin.

Based on his immediate delivery, and his wife's reaction, I just know this joke's been repeated often, to everyone's delight, as any good dad joke should be.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blindsight
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2014
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That may have been the case...

My wife was talking about her mom's car getting hit by a deer.

She said people were making the joke "I hope you got the deer's insurance!"

I said "Maybe they're from New Hampshire if they didn't have insurance."

Our girlfriend piped up and said "Maybe they were a John Doe!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/agiganticpanda
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2015
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Ugh. My dad just told me a joke he is all proud of. It's terrible. Don't even bother with this one

"Did you hear my joke about the Indian chief's wives?"

The first wife lived in a hut made of deer hide, and bore him one son.

The second wife lived in a hut made of bear hide, and bore him one son.

The third wife lived in a hut of hippopotamus skin and bore him twin sons.

"Thus the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of two hides!"

A fucking mad lib on the Pythagorean theorem. I'm pissed. He's so happy. Love you dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/McBurger
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2014
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What do you call a pig with three eyes?

Piiig

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scottdetweiler
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye-deer

This was my granddad’s favorite joke. He would have loved this sub

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SarahJTHappy
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idear.

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?

Still, no idear. I know this joke might be a stretch, but I thought it was funny when my grandfather explained it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thecasperboy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/creativecontrol
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2016
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Pun overload!

My Dad sent me this list of punny sayings last Christmas. It explains a lot...

Punny sayings!

I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen.

Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gibbens15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2013
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These were in an email forwarded to me from family. Bless their heart.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

When chemists die, apparently they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Floofing_Warlock
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2015
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