Dead Dad Puns

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Can't believe I've been saying it wrong this whole time.

Now the bear can ride his bike without the training wheels!

I can’t believe I’ve been pronouncing it wrong all this time.

Edit: this joke was straight up stolen from professional comedian Nick Nemeroff. I heard it on the radio so I didn’t have his name handy and thought it was awesome for this sub and had to post it before I forgot it. Thanks to Nick for commenting here below so that I could give him credit.

I asked, "It wasn't wearing a mask was it?" She replied, "No, it wasn't." I said, "It probably died of Crowvid then." <Cue groans from daughter>

"It's okay, dad... He woke up." Doesn't even smile. Walks away.

WHAT? I can't believe I've been pronouncing it wrong all these years!

Now it can ride a bike without training wheels...

A joke, dad.

In unison dead pan my wife and mother: “all of them”

Dad: I guess you'll just have to weight and sea

A while back, I had a small housewarming cookout. While my dad was eating a burger and I was still on the grill, he had some sort of episode where his heart stopped. Ambulance came and took him to the hospital and now he's doing fine again.

However... He tells all his friends now "You should try my son's grilling. He makes killer burgers. They're absolutely to die for"

facepalm

Now THAT'S a devoted dad-joker

Does that make them zombie jokes?

and my sister laughs, and she keeps saying she doesn't know why she laughed, we were all crying before this and after too.

RIP Puddles :(

I'm not even kidding when I tell you that I'm in tears right now. Something about these specific characters (and how often they piss me off) makes these dad jokes hilarious.

http://imgur.com/gallery/POURE

Robin Williams. The dead version I guess, since you gave me the option.

I was thinking of telling my kids that "I have to wait to tell you the greatest dad joke ever" and finally when I have passed my Will shall leave a key to my kids and a safe that opens with the key. They open it and see a 10 pound dumbbell over a piece of paper and on that piece of paper it states "Greatest Dad Joke Ever"

He's a lion cheetah!!

He never sees his kids

I said, “Well, we better go bury it then.”

My mom was worried that we had a feral animal of some kind on the loose in the neighborhood. She said to my dad, "How close were they?" My dad's response was, "Well I don't know what kind of relationship they had, honey."

Well it must of been a Zom-bee!

talking to my dad about aftermath of Paul Walker's death

ME: I heard his family is making a donation to his disaster relief charity.

DAD: Not if I can help it.

ME: What do you mean?

DAD: I've been using his ATM card for some extra cash.

ME: Bull. You would need to know his PIN number.

DAD: I do. It's 0-2-60

"I think we should have spaghetti Tuesdays every Wednesday."

Now, it can ride a bike without stabilisers.

I can’t believe I’ve been saying it wrong my whole life

Now it can ride a bike without training wheels

Now it can ride a bike without stabilisers.

He can now ride a bike without training wheels.

Now he can ride a bike with no training wheels

He can now ride a bike without training wheels

"No, how many?"

"All of them!"

Now he can ride a bike without training wheels.

Now he can ride a bike with no training wheels

It can now ride a bike without training wheels

http://imgur.com/gallery/POURE