So here I am at the end of a rollercoaster. Up the track I go, bringing Meredith back from the dead. Down goes the track, meeting David Clark and his mother. Up it goes again, catching a demon to use to help me bring my parents back. And back down again, getting arrested for punching Jamal. Or maybe for mutilating David Clark. Or maybe for killing his mother. Or maybe just for the whole shebang.

But then the rollercoaster keeps going down. Officer Jenny gets injured protecting me from Crazy Tony. The building I hide in burns down. The policeman assigned to protect me by Detective Guthrie is murdered. Crazy Tony stabs me. I die.

At that point, the rollercoaster is off the rails and digging like a drill toward the Earth’s core. Only the timely arrival of Meredith and my brother of all people. Guthrie catches Crazy Tony. I survive my stab wound. The rollercoaster is flying back toward the sky.

And then... this.

I’m sitting on the Lakes’ bed, looking at Mrs. Lake’s charmallow body. One of her arms and several fingers are over in the hallway to their bathroom along with a lot of blood. In the kitchen, Mr. Lake is resting his face in a pool of even more blood. Somewhere, there’s a nasty cake that is probably going to get thrown out.

“Don’t look at her, Lily,” Paschar tells me. He’s still hanging from the crawlspace where he got caught on a nail or something. “Just look at me.”

But I can’t stop looking at Mrs. Lake. Her skin is a mix of flaky black and blistered red. She was a good person. So was Mr. Lake. Are their souls being swept away to some pleasant place like my parents’ were, or are they currently trapped in these bodies like Roger was? Did she suffer?

“Lily--”

“I know what you’re gonna say. You’re gonna say that this isn’t my fault.”

“That wasn’t what I was going to say.”

He’s right not to say that of course. It is my fault. I summoned Furfur. That right there is the one thing that caused all this. I summoned a demon... and it killed a whole lot of people.

“Oh. Well, I wouldn’t have done what I did if you hadn’t killed my parents.”

“Your parents’ deaths were a terrible tragedy, and if I had known they were going to die, I would have done everything in my power to stop you from using Jophiel’s judgment.” He gives a sigh. “I wish that I could take back that moment for you, along with so many others, but you are the Knife, and you cut yo

Was told to look here for help because I am uncertain if this is ancient Hebrew. But I was told what I wanted was unrealistic which it was me wanting a direct translation of this one image's writing into English using the Latin script (as I can't read or write Hebrew, let alone speak it) so I understand what is being literally said about the symbols in the image. That doesn't seem too unrealistic for me, to ask for a translation, as far as I am aware. I just want to know what they are saying, even if it's nonsense, or gibberish, or even if I don't know the full context. Besides, if I remember correctly, no one really understands the exact meaning of the "Sefer Raziel HaMalakh" if my research has lead me right? That should mean for the most part, minus bits here and there, I shouldn't have to read any outside book to understand everything in this one?

A side thing I actually do want to know what each single isolated segulot is, with their name and meaning behind them explained, if that's an allowed thing to ask? I am trying to ask within reason what info I am allowed to understand about this book respectfully because I as far as I am aware, it is a holy book. So I don't want to be disrespectful to the book or anything about the book.

I have been running through others books, pdfs, videos, etc. to see what I can actually get about this one page (and any pages that shows new segulots that aren't ascribed to a letter in the Hebrew alphabet) but came up empty handed for the most part.

So I am really looking for all the help I can get. I do recognize the star of David being used, and one Jewish letter, but that's basically it.

Excerpt from the Sefer Raziel that I am currently most interested in.

Do your worst!

Peru 3 - 3 Paraguay

Peru scorers: Gianluca Lapadula (21', 40'), Yoshimar Yotún (80')

Paraguay scorers: Gustavo Gómez (11'), Júnior Alonso (54'), Gabriel Ávalos (89')

Venue: Estádio Olímpico Pedro Ludovico, Goiânia, Brazil

Referee: Esteban Ostojich (Uruguay)

Peru:

Manager: Ricardo Gareca (Argentina)

Paraguay:

[](#sprite1

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

Buenosdillas

They’re on standbi

Colombia 3 - 2 Peru

Colombia scorers: Juan Cuadrado (49'), Luis Díaz (67', 90+4')

Peru scorers: Yoshimar Yotún (45'), Gianluca Lapadula (82')

Venue: Estádio Nacional Mané Garrincha, Brasilia, Brazil

Referee: Raphael Claus (Brazil)

Colombia:

Manager: Reinaldo Rueda (Colombia)

Peru:

Pilot on me!!

#FT: Peru 1-1 Uruguay

Peru scorers: Renato Tapia (24')

Uruguay scorers: Giorgian de Arrascaeta (29')

Venue: Estadio Nacional de Lima

Auto-refreshing reddit comments link

LINE-UPS

Peru

Pedro Gallese, Alexander Callens, Anderson Santamaría, Marcos Johan López, Luis Advíncula, Christian Cueva (Raúl Ruidíaz), Yoshimar Yotún, Renato Tapia (Wilder Cartagena), Paolo Guerrero, Edison Flores (Sergio Peña), André Carrillo.

Subs: José Carvallo, Aldo Corzo, Carlos Cáceda, Miguel Trauco, Christian Ramos, Christofer Gonzáles, Gabriel Costa, Luis Abram, Raziel García.

^____________________________

Uruguay

Fernando Muslera, Diego Godín, José Giménez, Matías Viña (Joaquiin Piquerez Moreira), Nahitan Nández, Matías Vecino, Rodrigo Bentancur (Mauro Arambarri), Federico Valverde (Giovanni González), Maxi Gómez (Jonathan Rodríguez), Brian Rodríguez, Giorgian de Arrascaeta (Terans).

Subs: Federico Martínez, Martín Campaña, Gastón Pereiro, Sergio Rochet, Fernando Gorriarán, Ronald Araújo, Agustín Álvarez Martínez.

MATCH EVENTS | via ESPN

24' Goal! Peru 1, Uruguay 0. Renato Tapia (Peru) right footed shot from the centre of the box to the bottom left corner. Assisted by Paolo Guerrero with a headed pass following a corner.

29' Giorgian de Arrascaeta Goal

66' Substitution, Uruguay. David Terans replaces Giorgian de Arrascaeta.

66' On: Jonathan Rodríguez|Off: Maxi Gómez

71' Substitution, Uruguay. Mauro Arambarri replaces Rodrigo Bentancur.

71' Substitution, Uruguay. Joaquín Piquerez replaces Matias Viña.

72' Substitution, Peru. Wilder Cartagena replaces Renato Tapia because of an injury.

72' On: Sergio Peña|Off: Edison Flores

80' Diego Godín Yellow Card

82' On: Giovanni González|Off: Federico Valverde

86' On: Raúl Ruidíaz|Off: Christian Cueva

*^(Don't see a thread for a match you're watching?) ^(Click here) ^(to learn how to request a m

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Bob

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

Tuesday:

Mrs. Lake comes by to visit this morning. She brings my journal so I can write. She doesn’t bring a pencil though. I have to ask the nurse for one. The pencil she gives me is a number four. I didn’t know they even made number four pencils. When I try to write with it I end up tearing a hole in the page. I have to ask a different nurse for something lower on the pencil chain. She gives me a number one. I don’t understand why this hospital doesn’t use number two pencils like everybody else.

I ask Mrs. Lake if she would bring me Paschar next time she visits. She says no problem. It’ll be good to have him again. He can sing me to sleep. It’s hard to sleep. My head is full of static and I think I’m seeing things. I keep waking up in the middle of the night. Last night I thought there was someone staring at me through the hallway window. You know how your vision is kinda blurry when you first wake up? And then you rub your eyes and get the crusty gunk out and you can see better. Except sometimes some of that crusty stuff gets under your eyelids and you rub it in and it hurts real bad and makes your eyes water and there’s nothing you can do but lean over and blink a lot until the stuff comes out with your tears. Even then, your eye keeps stinging cuz you scratched it and stuff. I forget where I was going with this...

Oh, right. So last night I woke up and rubbed my eyes and for a moment I’d swear there was a shadow looking in from the hallway. It was gone by the time I blinked out the crust. You know, my dad used to call that crusty stuff “gorn” which he said he named after an alien from a science fiction show he liked to watch. I call it gorn too but nobody else knows what gorn is so if I talk about it to someone else I have to switch back to “eye boogers” or “that crusty stuff”.

The doctor who stitched up my tummy is named Dr. Adams. When I met him, I asked if he was related to Gomez and Morticia and he laughed and said their names were spelled differently. What he didn’t say was, “no.” That makes me suspect that he is. People, especially adults, really like to not answer questions but act like they did. Like when Detective Guthrie came by to check on me and I asked him if I was safe now and his answer was, “we’ve charged Anthony Flores with two counts of murder.” My question wasn’t, “what happened to the guy who stabbed me?” it was, “Am

“Welcome back.”

I’m sitting on a couch. It’s green and plaid and old-looking. I recognize it from when I was little, also from the old home movie memory thing I watched with Dumah just maybe twenty minutes ago before I woke up, watched some stuff happen and then passed right back out.

“Where am I?” I ask.

“You’re home, don’t you recognize it?”

“Yeah, I recognize it, but it can’t be real. Is this the Veil again? Or something else? Am I dreaming... or dead?” The two seem so similar these days it’s confusing.

The someone else talking is next to me on the couch. I take a gander at them. “Taking a gander” means to look at someone. It also means to grab a boy goose. I don’t know why the same phrase is used for both these things but it is. English makes no sense sometimes..

“Paschar,” I sigh.

He smiles at me. His teeth are perfect. Too perfect. I wonder if he has fake teeth like a movie star. What if Lisa Welch’s dad gave them to him? That’s ridiculous, of course. Maybe he really has no teeth, so he wears fake ones to look normal. After all, why would angels need teeth? Teeth are for eating. Angels don’t eat. Come to think of it, Dumah has teeth too. Maybe angels *do* eat. That begs the question: what do angels eat?

“What do angels eat?” I ask Paschar.

He grins. “I’ve missed you, Lily.”

“I’ve missed you too.” I can’t look at him. Not because his eyes burn like fiery diamonds, he was nice enough to wear dark sunglasses so as not to blind me. I can’t look at him because I’m ashamed of what I’ve done. I let a demon free from Hell. Because of me it ruined several people’s lives. It turned Mr. Donovan into a mindless TV-consuming zombie, although maybe he was already that. It turned Mrs. Donovan into a fungus and then a pair of dogs, at least one of which is dead now. She definitely wasn’t any of those things before. It even fed a woman to those very dogs. And sliced the fingers off David Clark. Who knows what else it will do if I don’t get home and send it back.

Paschar puts his arms over the back of the couch like my father used to do when he was relaxing and watching a movie. I’m pretty sure he’s doing it precisely because it reminds me of that. Nothing Paschar says or does is unintentional.

Take his clothes for example. He’s dressed exactly like his totem, in a black vest and pants with a white shirt underneath and a perfectly knotted tie. I wo

It really does, I swear!

Peru 3 - 3 Paraguay

Peru scorers: Gianluca Lapadula (21', 40'), Yoshimar Yotún (80')

Paraguay scorers: Gustavo Gómez (11'), Júnior Alonso (54'), Gabriel Ávalos (89')

Venue: Estádio Olímpico Pedro Ludovico, Goiânia, Brazil

Referee: Esteban Ostojich (Uruguay)

Peru:

Manager: Ricardo Gareca (Argentina)

Paraguay:

[](#sprite1

Colombia 3 - 2 Peru

Colombia scorers: Juan Cuadrado (49'), Luis Díaz (67', 90+4')

Peru scorers: Yoshimar Yotún (45'), Gianluca Lapadula (82')

Venue: Estádio Nacional Mané Garrincha, Brasilia, Brazil

Referee: Raphael Claus (Brazil)

Colombia:

Manager: Reinaldo Rueda (Colombia)

Peru:

When I got home, they were still there.

Colombia 1 - 2 Peru

Colombia scorers: Miguel Borja (53' pen.)

Peru scorers: Sergio Peña (17'), Yerry Mina OG (64')

Venue: Estadio Olimpico Pedro Ludovico, Goiânia, Brazil

Referee: Esteban Ostojich (Uruguay)

Colombia:

Manager: Reinaldo Rueda (Colombia)

Peru:

[

There hasn't been a post all year!