David Duffield Puns

He's a nice guy

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Hi, Calvin Bissitt (u/KalvinLokan), Lincoln CLP Delegate at this year's conference and three time speaker on the rostrum on Levelling up, AUKUS and PCCs. I walked in as a BFAWU member and walked out also as a GMB Member. I was in the Green New Deal Composite, spoke to a variety of people in Labour for a Green New Deal and joined the Northern Irish delegation of the conference for dinner after a fringe event. I’m going to do a small report on major votes for myself, and then open up for an Ask Me Anything about what went on at the conference, what the mood was like, any of the interesting drama that occurred over the conference. I was present for every point except Housing so fire away on that front. It was also my first conference and I’m more than happy to give aspiring attendees/delegates my best advice. Without further ado:

David Evans Confirmation Vote: FOR

This is a very controversial one, indeed the entire delegation of Lincoln voted against except me as I found myself swung by the debate on the LabUK discord, as well as the heckling and speech from Evans on the day, deciding to follow my heart and vote FOR him to be confirmed. Obviously didn’t make a difference but the speech from Evans was interesting and very much did touch me in a way I hadn’t expected it to.

Green New Deal Composite Motion 1: AGAINST

Having been in the Green New Deal composite meeting, the encounter I had there, as well as the debate on the floor (labelling us right-wing delayers for supporting Motion 2) and behind the scenes stuff, meant that our delegation (a left-wing one + me that had sent the Labour4GND motion) split 2-2 on voting in favour of both, vs in favour of only ours.

Green New Deal Composite Motion 2: FOR

I was involved pretty heavily in the composite for this one, with our two (we were allowed two for the GND composite) delegates both agreeing that Nuclear Power had to be on there and as a result splitting with the rest to go with GMB and Community (along with other CLPs) to put forward a second motion. Obviously we backed our own motion and indeed broadly we all agreed with what we had put out. Furthermore, we had severe reservations about scope creep from some of the first motions which played a factor in the split.

Political Representation Composite Motion: FOR

I don’t support PR. I didn’t want PR to go to conference from our CLP and indeed supported the GND for it (which is what we took), however the fact that the CLP still passed it meant that we

I was working on a list of children lost while still in treatment, juvenile facilities, and programs. This is not a full list by far. It's over 300+ children who were gone too soon. I felt it was important to share on here because even if they didn't get press coverage, their lives mattered and their names should be remembered somewhere.

Edit: Added the year they passed and their age to the end

· Aaron Albert Grey - Alberta Children’s Group Home - Died while trying to escape - 2001 - 16

· Aaron Bacon - North Star Expeditions - Medical - Perforated Ulcer and Peritonitis - 1994 - 16

· Aaron Paul Leafe - Ivy Cottage Children's Home - Suicide - 2017 - 15

· Adam Rickwood - Hassockfield Secure Training Centre - Beating - 2004 - 14

· Adora Grae Stout - Buffalo Mountain Camp - Medical - 2000 - 17

· Alain Garcia - Missouri Military Academy - Gunshot Wound - 2004 - ?

· Alec Sanford Lansing - Trails Carolina - Died while trying to escape - 2014 - 17

· Alex Cullinane - Back to Basics Christian Military Academy - Medical - 2006 - 13

· Alex Harris - Hope Youth Ranch - Negligent Homicide - 2005 - 12

· Alex Kelly - HMYOI Cookham Wood - Suicide - 2012 - 15

· Alexander Sanchez - United Living Care Home - Beating - 2019 - 18

· Alexis Evette Richie - SSM DePaul Health Center - Restraint - 2009 - 16

· Amari Boone - ACH Child and Family Services - Abuse - 2021 - 3

· Amaya Stethers - Hutchings Psychiatric Center - Medical Neglect - 2017 - 14

· Amy Owen - Ottawa Group Home - Suicide - 2017 - 13

· Andre Sheffield - Melbourne Center for Personal Growth - Medical - 2015 - 14

· Andrea Swenson - Attachment Center at Evergreen - Death by Attachment Therapy - 1990 - 13

· Andrew Batey - Low Newton Remand Centre - Suicide - 1994 - 17

· Andrew McClain - Elmcrest Psychiatric Hospital - Restraint - 1998 - 11

· Andrew Potter - Devereux Cleo Wallace - Died while trying to escape - 2018 - 15

· Angela Miller - Echo Glen Children’s Center - Suicide - 2001 - 17

· Angellika Arndt - Northwest Counseling & Guidance Clinic - Restraint - 2006 - 7

· Anthony Dumas - Lutheran Ministries of Florida Inc - Suicide - 2000 - 15

· Anthony Green - Brookhaven Youth Ranch - Restraint - 1991 - 15

· Anthony Haynes - America’s Buffalo Soldiers - Heat Stroke - 2001 - 14

· Anthony Parker - The One Way Farm - Fight - 2012 - 16

· Anthony Redding - Brinsford Young Offenders' Institution - Suicide - 2001 - 16

· Ashley Shaddox - Echo Glen Children’s Center - Suicide - 1998 - 14

· Ashlie

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

You take away their little brooms

There hasn't been a post all year!

It was about a weak back.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

Why has Barbara Amiel got her claws out? Because her press mogul husband, Conrad Black, fell from grace and she’s going to stand by him through thick and thin. Not to be missed, she’ll be appearing at Cliveden Literary Festival this October, tickets – selling like hot cakes – are on sale now

By David Jenkins | 5 October 2021 | Link to article

Barbara Amiel has, she says, ‘hung myself with my own words so many times’.

There’s resignation in her voice, but the 79-year-old author shows no signs of kicking the habit now. ‘Tediously opinionated,’ she writes in her new memoir, Friends and Enemies, describing the American socialite Mercedes Bass. ‘I couldn’t believe that she actually digested food and excreted it like the rest of us, being so constipated in her manners and determined never to return to her former heavier self.’ Of the philanthropic Dame Vivien Duffield, she notes that she ‘had a streak of cruelty that masqueraded as honesty’ after Duffield dissed her dining room. As for her erstwhile chum Henry Kissinger, she tells me that the hard-nosed master of Realpolitik ‘is easily intimidated and knows a lot of fear. He once said to me, “I’ll always be your friend.” And I said, “Yeah, like you were to the South Vietnamese.”’

Phew. Amiel (or Baroness Black of Crossharbour) is telling me this from her new home in the suburbs of Toronto. Behind her are photographs of the Kuvasz dogs she adores; her husband – the once jailed but now pardoned former owner of The Daily Telegraph, Conrad Black – chose the house partly for the large garden the dogs demand, not to mention saving the $100,000 a month that their last house cost to run. Her forehead is smooth, her green eyes large and, sporadically, fierce.

That the clever, beautiful and beguiling Amiel moves in the rarefied circles she excoriates should come as no surprise. Nor should the verve and venom of her prose. Amiel has spent ‘three years of hell’ on her book, damning her husband’s tormenters and fair-weather friends, and painting a vivid, witty portrait of her life and times.

And what times. Born to a Jewish family in Watford, she emigrated to Canada at 11 with her mother and stepfather; leaving home at 14, she made her way to college, dropped acid with Leonard Cohen, wore a bikini on television, and became a successful and provocative journalist. In 1985, she moved back to London with

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap