A list of puns related to "Daddy G"
Hoosier Daddy
Kid: But Daddy . . .
Me: I'm not your butt Daddy, I'm your real Daddy.
How do you get a giraffe into a fridge? (In 3 steps)
How do you get an elephant into a fridge? (In 4 steps this time)
How do you get a lion to take an elevator?
... No steps this time, daddy, he took the elevator!
Whatwolf and whenwolf.
Their daddy was whowolf.
Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"
I did not know.
So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"
So proud.
Daughter: "Daddy, this street is so windy and curvy"
Me: "Oh yeah? Is it exciting?"
Daughter: "Yeah, it's like a road-er coaster"
My son took his eldest daughter (Grace 5yo) to the shops with him to get a few bits for his wife that was on the way back home from hospital after giving birth to thier fourth child.
While there Grace asked "daddy can I have an animal bar" so Adam bought her and her 2 siblings an animal bar for after thier dinner.
On the way back home grace asked "daddy can I have my animal bar now please", "only if you can say please daddy five times" Adam replied, so Grace responded "please daddy five times".
Ive never been prouder
A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him."
His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh ... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
And the boy says, "That won't work."
His mom says, "Why?"
And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"
As my co-workers gather round, she sobbed loudly "Daddy where are all the clowns you said you worked with?!"
The French word for "daddy" is "papa".
When he was a young boy, I used to always take pictures of my son.
One day, he told me:
"actually, you are a papa-razzi"
His first dad joke.
OK, when my first kid became cognizant, about two years old, I would wait until I could see the street light was going to turn green, just blow at it, and it would turn green. I never said a word. I would just do it.
After doing this for about a year or so, my daughter caught on and could not figure out how I was doing this.
She finally asked me, "Daddy Magic", of course.
She is now 31, and she still blows at street lights.
That is the real Daddy Magic.
4yo daughter: Do you know what I love more than pizza?
Parents: No, what?
4yo: Mommy and Daddy
Parents: Awe, that's sweet
4yo: I love eating mommy and daddy
“Dad, can I be an astronaut and a scientist and a daddy?” “Absolutely. In fact, did you know most astronauts ARE scientists, and most dads ARE space cadets?”
because its too suspicious to call them daddy.
Daddy, what do you call a sad person's favorite coffee?
I said "Cryamel?
She said... Depresso, and then giggled her face off.
Kiddo: Daddy, what's the difference between boy and girls?
Dad: These days most people will say not much... but I say there's a definitely a vas deferens.
This is a gag that I've been doing to my kids for a few years - ever since they've started needing help with opening food packages or beverages: I grab a piece, grab a fry from their bag, or I'll take a sip from their drink. They usually laughingly say, " DADDY!". I'll respond with, "Hey, its Dad Tax". They'll growl at me about it.
This morning, I realized a new name for this: Dad Valorem Tax. I told this to my kids and wife this morning. The kids didn't really understand the joke but I got a big groan about it from my wife. So, that at least made my day.
Because her Daddy was a mummy
Oldest daughter- Daddy, why are the books in time out?
Me- because they got red all over the place.
Dad - "lie down please, you've got a dirty nappy"
Toddler - "I don't want to"
D - "you need to"
T - "stop daddy"
D - "I'm trying to help you"
T - "no, you're daddy"
D - "... ☝️😲... 🤔 Fair point"
I was having a beer when my toddler boy said to me "daddy. why do you like beer so much? the bottle does not look nice. my bottle is nicer." (Yes he still drinks with a milk bottle lol) I told him I drink it because of what's inside the bottle, to which he said something (making reference to something my wife likes to say) that gave me a proud dad moment.
"Beauty lies in the eye of the beer holder!"
Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.
I was so proud.
She replied “the ball is round daddy” (with a straight face) So I tell her “no, what I mean is, get mad! I want you to hit the ball really hard like if you were mad at it!”
She grabs the ball, stares right at it and says “I’M REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, BALL!” Then throws it right back at me.
Proud dad moment.
My wife and I were doing a bit of roleplay in the bedroom. I had just handcuffed her to the bedhead when we heard one of the kids turning the door handle. I quickly threw the covers over the both of us and in walked my 7 year old son. He noticed the handcuffs, went really quiet and had this confused look on his face. After 15 seconds or so he asked my wife why she was handcuffed to the bed. She blushed and had to come up with a lie on the spot. She stammered out that daddy was just practicing with the handcuffs for his new job as a policeman and that my son should just go back into the lounge room and watch some TV.
A few weeks later I was asked to careers day at my son's school. My son stood up with me in front of the class and proudly announced his daddy was a policeman and that I lock up baddies. I didn't want to embarass him so I just played along. It turns out I was the one who was about to be embarassed. One of the kids asked if my son had ever seen me at work. My son said no but that he had seen me practicing using handcuffs on his mom. It went right over the kids heads but the teacher was very amused and couldn't stop giggling. I guess my wife and I would have been the hot topic in the staff room that day.
"daddy! I want horse lessons!"
"OK, I can save us a bunch of money on those - lesson 1: repeat after me - nnaaaaaaaaaaaayyy!"
"no!!"
"Almost! it's naaaaaayy, not noooooo"
She has daddy issues.
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡"Oh. I thought you were daddy!"
I've never been so proud.
She just laughs and says, "Silly Daddy, I'm not hungry, I'm Nona." I didn't expect to be a grandfather so soon...
Dad, are you sure that new deadbolt was man-door-tory??
Making daddy proud.
We're celebrating my daughter's 4th birthday party today. She puts her giant number 4 balloon on her head, turns to me and says "Look daddy, it's a four-head!"
Son: Daddy, where is Thomas? Daddy: I don’t know, mate. Son: He must be working from home today.
Is this his first dad joke?? Strange what they must be picking up from conversations. Got me good.
Their moomies and daddies.
They walked through the flower gardens at the park. They skimmed stones across the lake. They fed the ducks bread.
It was a perfect Sunday.
Then daddy tomato had a call that his brother was in hospital. Across the road was a bus destined for that very place.
They ran back through the park dodging ducks and tripping on stones and getting tangled in foliage. Baby tomato was starting to lag a little. So daddy tomato, in a panic, shot glances at the arriving bus and his helpless offspring. He Ran to his son and with all his might squashed him into the pavement with his Dr Martins boots and said
"Ketchup"
My daughter woke me around 11:50pm last night. My wife and I picked her up from her friend Sally’s birthday party, brought her home and put her to bed. My wife went to the bedroom to read and I fell asleep watching basketball.
“Daddy”, she whispered tugging my shirt.
“Guess how old I’ll be next month?”
“I don’t know, honey.” I said as I slipped on my glasses. “How old?”
She smiled and held up 4 fingers.
It’s now 7:30am. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.
Then I can have a “Hoosier Daddy” bumper sticker.
Strangely enough, they mostly only read the daddy issues.
Yesterday my daughter balanced a bottle of Poland Springs on her head and then exclaimed, “Help Daddy! I can’t breathe underwater!!"
On a bike ride, we saw some ducks on a pond.
"Daddy! What does a hungry duck eat?" "...." "A QUACKer!!!"
She hasn't stopped laughing at herself, and it's been almost an hour!
Hoosier daddy
"I lost my daddy" says the boy. "We'll look for him son, don't worry: what's he like?" asked the officer. "Liquor and women."
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
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