Dad Jokes Birthday Puns

After my dads 61st birthday card, he said one would of been fine.

I dad joked my wife today. It's my birthday. My wife asked, "You have had 49 trips around the sun. What do you think of them so far?". Of course, the only reply is, "Enlightening.". She was speechless. My son lit up with laughter.

http://imgur.com/a/u4tGe

I know this is my second post in just 2 days but I couldn't pass this one up.

My aunt asked the waitress how fresh the "fresh pasta" was. My dad without missing a beat blurts out, "they just shot it this morning."

Walking through the mall.... They have a show model of a Buick that they are selling, sitting outside the food court...

My dad..everytime...without fail.....

"Would ja look at the parking spot THEY got!!!"

Every year...

He tapes a penny into my birthday card and writes underneath: "Don't spend it all in one place!"

Thanks, Dad.

"So... how old are you now? 10? 11?"

Every around my birthday he would do this.

Every.

Year.

Even when I turned 16. It was always the same age I wasn't.

[Having breakfast with my folks]

Dad: "This is my favorite day of the year."

Me: "Oh yeah 'cause it's your birthday tomorrow right?"

Dad: "No, because today is the one day out of the year where the date is a command!"

Me: "Oh god, not this agai-"

Dad: [cutting me off with a booming impression of a Roman centurion] "MARCH FORTH OR THOU SHALT BE FIFTH! And that's me I'm March 5th."

Me: "Walked right into that one again.."

Dad: "Same time next year?"

Preface: My dad, mom, and I went out to eat mexican food. Like we usually do, we order a huge platter of nachos and demolish the whole thing. Surely we are full even before our main course arrives. We all ordered combination platters that consisted of, burritos, enchiladas, and tacos which were overflowing with lettuce that no one except for my mom wanted to eat. My mom kept on nagging my dad and I to eat the lettuce so that it would lighten us up and make us feel less full:

Mom (for the 10th time): You boys should eat your lettuce. Come on now.

Me: Mom lettuce be!

Immediately my mom cringed and groaned, while my dad, after repeating the joke, gave a hearty chuckle.

Our three year old's birthday party was contruction-equipment themed, including the cake. When my wife asked if I could fix the cake to get ready for candles, I replied "Yes! We! Can!" The other dad there LOVED it. My wife rolled her eyes. It was great.

So we were out at a restaurant for her birthday and we're both teasing each other. She got in a really good zinger on me and with no comeback I grabbed the salt shaker and put a very small amount of salt on her fries as a joke.

She puts down her fork and with a completely series face says "I'm inSALTed".

Yesterday was my birthday and my family took me out for lunch. My cousin has a 2 year old son and they were horsing around. One thing led to another and his son bumped his head on a lamp. After a few seconds he started crying and everybody stopped talking. I look over at my cousin and say "He'll be fine, he's probably just a little light headed". The only person who laughed was my uncle.

Co-worker of my mother recently moved to California...

Me: Where in Cali did she move to?

Mom: Pasadena.

Me: Did she meet the little old lady yet?

Laughter ensued from all the other dads at the party!

Groans from the moms...

even the cake was in tiers.

Edit: Thank you so much guys! I never expected this to reach 10k upvotes! You guys truly made my day.

I told him it wasn't a minor day for him.

Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame bird?

Tame way, unique up on it.

(This was actually my Dad's favorite Dad joke. Happy Birthday, Dad!)

Y'know, one would have been enough.

For efficiency, send your kids to look for eggs that you haven’t hidden.

I've told her not to get her hopes up. "After all," I say, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute." When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday."

For the life of me, I can't figure why doesn't think this is hilarious. I keep making sure to remind her of it every time we are around new people. Hopefully if she hears the joke enough she will start to appreciate it.

I don’t know how they can sleep at night.

http://imgur.com/a/1qKYz

Yesterday was my dad's birthday, and he turned 52. I called him to wish him a happy birthday, find out what he wanted to do for dinner, etc, all the stuff you do on someone's birthday.

Then I said, "You're only ten years away from your one-minute birthday!"

He seemed confused so I had to clarify... "You know, your... Sixty-Second birthday!"

I could hear the cringe through the phone, and I heard my fiancée groan from downstairs.

Now I just have to hope he forgets over the next ten years so I can make this joke again.

In my birthday card my dad wrote, "It seems like only a year ago we celebrated your 17th birthday"

Me: "Why is this mustard green?"

Dad: "It's got dill in it."

Me: "Weird. Any good?"

Dad: "Yeah, it's dill-icious."

My dad is in a care center with Parkinson’s with dementia. He will be 75 on 3/28. He can’t have his party with the virus around and always needs something to occupy him so I thought birthday cards of dad jokes would keep him busy and make him happy. He was always a master of them. Thank you 🙏

Ray Heng Terrace Glen room 184 3400 Alburnett Rd Marion IA 52302

Her joke: “I’m going to turn 9 on Wednesday. It’s going to be quite a birthday”

Hi going to turn 9 on Wednesday. It’s going to be quite a birthday. I’m Dad.

Scene: Dinner for my mom's birthday at a very nice (expensive) restaurant.

Waitress: Your steak comes with a choice of the vegetable of the day or a twice baked potato.

Me: Are twice baked potatoes and refried beans prepared similar ways or is that just a naming coincidence?

W: Laughing Oh my God. Our bartender and I were just talking about funny "dad jokes" on reddit! I didn't expect to hear one in person. Do you use reddit?

M: Umm... Yeah... I actually follow r/dadjokes but I'm not a dad and

W: You should post that joke there!

I have no idea if she will see this but my wife said I had to let everyone know about a redditor interaction. I hope she does because the food was awesome and she was a fantastic waitress beyond being a fellow redditor.

I still have no idea if twice baked potatoes and refried beans have any link...

Here: https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/btsq5u/my_dad_will_be_telling_dad_jokes_till_the_end/

Well, I remembered something else he said once that I find hilarious (now) that you may also.

When I was a kid my chore was to do the dishes, by hand, after every meal bar holidays when I had help and the week of my birthday. One particular time, I must have been about 15 when I asked my Dad, Why don't we use the dishwasher, its easier and it's right next to me?

In the proud tradition of Dads before him he answered, We are using the dishwasher, now hurry up and quit complaining.

I laugh now in hindsight, and for some reason really enjoy doing dishes by hand.

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

For the youngest siblings recent 9th birthday I put 9 dollars in a block of ice (had to bribe a local butcher shop to let me put a cooler in their freezer, worth it) But I need some long term ideas, because I intend to show this family with a lack of dads the full scope of dad jokes

My Dad has always been a bit cool (plays in bands, hangs around with much younger guys etc) but at the weekend, on his 67th birthday, he FINALLY Dad joked me.

We were talking about the local rugby team and I said "They're playing a French team. I think it's Toulouse?"

He said "That's not very positive is it? Playing to lose."

"No wait," I said, checking the website, "They're playing Toulon!"

"Ohh, well in that case, it won't be a short game...."

I finally feel like a proper daughter.

This literally just happened.

Context: I'm 30yrs old. Got my own place. My dad and his business partner are staying with me for a meeting they have in the morning. Dad's friend is browsing the news on his laptop. He casually says Neil Young's birthday is today. He's 70 years old.

My dad goes "I guess he's Neil Old now"

Is it a sign of getting old when I find his dad jokes hilarious?

So we were having cake because it's my dads birthday and this is a conversation he had with my brother.

20 year old brother to dad: can you cut me another peice of cake?

Dad: you can do it yourself

Brother (jokingly): then what do I have you for?

Dad: so I have an audience winking at me

Celebrating my brother's birthday with a pizza party. Jokes were already starting about how much pizza I had eaten that night when my dad decided to change the subject and share a story about how he learned to speak Portuguese. Then I said, "I'm fluent in morepizzaplease."

...happy birthday dad.

^its ^a joke ^about ^^DAD

For the past three years I've held scavenger hunts to celebrate my birthday. This year I've decided on the theme, "Dads' Night Out." Examples of items on last year's (non-dad-themed) list: "Play red light/green light with at least three strangers," "Switch pants with a stranger," and "Haiku written by a bartender." All items require physical, photographic or video evidence. What are your ideas for dad-themed items or jokes I can fit in here and there? Any other ideas on how I can make this year the best year yet would be appreciated.

My parents are both immigrants from Taiwan and came in the mid 80's. We've always owned restaurants (currently have a Japanese steak house this is important for later) so their English isn't all that bad and has improved over time. I've never gotten a single dad joke from him. Ever.

Que yesterday we are driving home from a family dinner to celebrate his birthday. We all get into the vehicle and my mom says in Chinese "You've got something hanging onto your shirt, it looks stringy. Is that a spider web?"

I respond, "What? That's his pet, he can't raise a pet spider?"

Dad says, "Yeah I raise them really big and fat so we can make spider rolls at the restaurant." (Spider roll is typically softshell crab in a roll with other stuffs for the non-sushi fans out there)

I groaned, chuckled, then reveled in all that was my first dad joke. It was awesome. Thanks for reading guys! Sorry it's so long.

My friend has a little girl and every year on her birthday I pretend to think shes older than she is.

me: hey isn't it your birthday today? what are you, like 8 years old now?

her: no! I'm only 5!

Every year on her birthday I joke with her like that... did the same thing to her older sister.

Then today, again on her birthday, I heard her on speaker phone with her uncle who called to wish her happy birthday, and he did the exact same joke. It made me feel old... have I been dad-joking all along?

I remember this one from my toddler years. My b-day is June 14, which happens to be the unknown holiday called Flag Day.

Me: "Daddy, guess what day it is?"

Dad: "Oh, is it the 14^th already? Happy Flag Day son!"

I would get really upset at him every year for that one until I started to get the joke. Alternatively, my mom's birthday happens to be December 25. So you can imagine:

Mom: "Merry Christmas, honey!"

Dad: "Christmas? Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought it was your birthday!"

My dad woke my brother up this morning on his 18th birthday by saying, "Good morning, now you can get a job!" After retelling this story and making everybody at the dinner table laugh he said "Yup, I guess I'm just Mr. Dad jokes." To which my sister replied "Hi Mr. Dad jokes I'm your daughter."

So my boyfriend andi have been together for almosta year, and he has really spent a lot of time with my kids. We were ata birthday party for my son, and my cousin was wearing this shirt. She and I were talking and I told her she was too skinny and she was saying that she wasn't, was finally gaining weight, etc, when my boyfriend looked at her and said "That's not true, I can see your bones!" Took a second for everyone to realize it was a joke, and a room full of adults groaned while my boyfriend and I laughed.

Yup, he's definitely got a handle on the dad thing already.

My parents are in their late 60s (this is relevant to the dad joke), and our whole family was visiting for the day for my sister's and my birthday. While my mom was trying to fill the coffee maker with water my dad asked her how many candles he'd need to total our combined ages. She started thinking about it and poured water all over the kitchen counter.

My dad went around the rest of the day telling everyone not to ask her any difficult questions because she can't concentrate and hold her water at the same time.

So it was MT friend's birthday, to celebrate she invited us all over to her house for some dinner.

They've got a pretty big house, and a sweet sound system set up with speakers in each room, so you could play music and everyone in the house will hear it.

So we're all talking and joking around over dinner, my friend hooked up her iPod to the sound system and Ed Sheeran is playing in the background

At this point, her dad comes over to chat

Dad: "So, how do you guys like my house music?"

Friend: "That's not house music dad..."

Dad: "Yeah it is! This is my house, and there's music playing in it, so it's house music!"

“You know, one would have been enough.”