Cringe Worthy Puns

Friend: mmmm, I love seafood. Me: mmm I see food, I eat it.

I had a friend once named Tobias. I told him, I don’t have a foot fetish but I do have a Toe Bias.

Let me preface this with some info. Firstly, me and my father are idiots; our jokes can become insensitive if we aren't careful, as we have few filters. My parents live in a tiny town amidst a thousand other tiny towns. One of the tiny towns right beside us (let's call it Townsburg) has a lot of forest and extra land, so towards the end of the summer when it's still hot but the land is starting to dry out, it's rather susceptible to fires. The other day, Townsburg caught fire in a few different places. The town my parents live in (we'll call it Cityville) is the sausage capital of our state. Yep. Sausage capital. Like brisket and such. Our proudest export is meat. Meat is what we are most proud of. I don't live there anymore, thank the universe.

So I went by my parents house on the way home from work one day to check on my retired, sick father, and watch the news with him (something I try to do whenever I can). And what happened next, well, it all just happened so fast...

Me: "Whoa, Townsburg is on fire again. I guess Cityville isn't the barbecue capital anymore, AYO." Dad: "Nope. Looks like they're about to be the barbecued capital." Me: "...we may need to stop hanging out so much."

It's good for the Seoul.

I asked my daughter "can you make me a bowl of the camo ice cream? It's in the freezer, but you might have trouble finding it.."

She called me cringe-worthy.

I’m not sure, but I think this belongs here:

I work night shift as a unit clerk at a hospital, and there is this one old security guard who goes on rounds to every unit. He always stops at my desk and cracks really cheesy, cringe-worthy jokes. He has this one awful (awesome?) knee-slapper that seems to be a permanent fixture in his "dad joke" repertoire. He’s said it 3 or 4 times already since I’ve started working here in March, so I'm pretty sure this joke is constantly on standby for him.

This is the exact conversation every time:

Security dude: How are you doing this fine evening?

Me (purposefully setting myself up for it): Pretty good. How about you?

Security dude: Really? WELL, I’ve never been pretty or good, so I don't know what that's like! Hahahahahaha (continues to laugh like this is the funniest joke that’s ever been told).

We flipped on the TV the other night and happened to come across a documentary on the mating ritual of the grouse. As the males danced on the lek, majestically splaying their feathers and swelling their neck sacs, my wife looked at me and said:

My wife: "Are you as turned on as I am?"

Me: "Absolutely. You could consider me highly agroused."

Oh, how I bathed in the cringe-worthy look on her face. Huzzah!

No, really.

The examples are exactly as cringe-worthy as you'd expect.

Peering into the dining area "Nope, it looks like an alright place."

Wish I could say I witnessed this one, or better yet said it. However it was my father's good friend who said this to a host when asked at an upscale restaurant if he had a reservation.

Though not the typical cringe worthy dad joke, I would like to still think it fits in.