A list of puns related to "Crazy World"
I don't know son, but I do know it is bipolar.
He told me it was nomad at all.
[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition
This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.
The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.
The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.
Dad: Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind? Are you a moron?
Kid: Forget it. There seems to be too many requirements.
He followed the enchanting voice till he came upon a singing yellowfin tuna. He knew he had found something incredible. He caught the fish, kept it alive and returned home.
He showed his friends and posted videos on tik tok, and the singing fish went viral. It could sing almost anything, but Pavarotti was it's favorite.
The fisherman toured around the world with the fish and set up a website to sell merch. The clothing he made sold like crazy, so he ordered thousands of short sleeve shirts to be made in advance.
Unfortunately, the fish died, and the public lost interest. The fisherman was left with endless opera tuna tees.
....thank you for the dad jokes. They may not all make us die laughing and some we've heard you tell a million times over, but the one thing they have in common is that they're told in kindness and they put a little smile on our faces. And living in this crazy world, that's a very good thing. I love you dad.
He frowned a little.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Anything these days," I said.
"Huh?" he asked.
"Anything these days," I said.
"I don't understand. Explain?" he asked.
"Anything these days," I said.
He sighed loudly.
"Are you crazy, dad?" he asked.
"Anything these days," I said.
"Dad, snap out of it. What's going on?" he asked.
"Anything these days," I said.
"Dad! Dad! Come on. Tell me what you mean?" he asked.
There was a pause.
"Anything these days," I continued.
At this point he was enraged and yelled, "Jesus Christ, I've had enough of this nonsense. What on Earth are you doing? Have you lost your mind? Jees. You're driving me insane!"
There was a silence.
"This is the world we live in," I concluded. "You can't say anything these days without offending someone."
A Retiree's Last Trip to Sam's Club
Yesterday I was at Sam's Club, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen , the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two handfuls every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care,because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
I was talking with my mother about a crazy woman she worked for while she was an undergrad, and we got on the subject of how a lot of people in the academic world have strange personalities. She said something about how academia is different than other parts of life when I paused for a second and said "Well, mom, there are a lot of nuts in macadamia."
^(I know it doesn't make sense if you think about it, just turn off your brains for a minute please.)
Not a dad yet, but I aspire to walk among the best.
^^^EDIT: ^^^Formatting.
Optometrist: It's crazy. People will spend their money on purses, shoes, Starbucks, but they won't spend money on their eye health.
Me: Ah well. You see the world through a different lens.
•_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■) ^^new ^^glasses
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