Conservadox Puns

So I'm looking into colleges to apply to and something that is important to me is having a school with a good Jewish community. I find myself somewhere in between Conservative and Orthodox so having an active Orthodox community would be nice especially to have a consistent minyan for Shabbat (I'm Shomer Shabbat btw). Looking at colleges on the east coast and in cities, but want to stay open-minded.

Edit:

Currently, my list includes: JTS/Columbia, NYU, John Hopkins, University of Maryland, American University, GW University, Brandeis, Boston University, and UCLA.

So I’m on the path of exploring Judaism. And thinking I might fall under the conservative movement of Judaism. I’m wondering though if there’s any Jews out there that count themselves as conservadox? What’s your daily life and specifically prayer life like as a conservadox Jew?

Are there any jews out there like me? I was raised by atheist parents with no religious education except hebrew school. I changed on a trip to israel 25 years ago but not othodox by any means. I love going to shabbat dinner at the rabbi's house. but my wife stopped doing shabbat dinner at home when the kids went to college . We both believe jewish is not a religion we are "a nation with a covanent with hashem". I attend chabad mon thurs morning and lay tefillin if I wake up early enough. I love morning kabbalah class with the rabbi, I believe some kind of revelation happened at sinai,but i do not take torah literally or as history, I do not believe the earth is only 6000 years old, I believe evolution is a fact, I watch tv and drive on shabbat but i do not work and would never eat non kosher meat ever, I believe the torah was written by men 2000 years ago after the first exile I think ezra got the general ideas passed down over the previous 1500 years but no way they got everything exactly as given at sinai and im not sure what was revealed at sinai but something happened and I believe my ancestors were there. I love to study kabbalah it is much more interesting to me than talmud or jewish law. I think the chabad rebbe was an awesome leader and lived on a different level of reality than most of us. My wife and I both would do for a jew before a non jew. I think the Ari was on another level than we are and knew hashem like no other since moses.. Attending a tish in mea shaarim as a spectator is one of my favorite things ever feeling the energy going right through me. I am a very complex combination of 3500 years of jewish history and a lot of drugs when i was younger. We love chabad because our rabbi here is awesome and you are accepted no matter what level of observance you are at. oh and I love Ben Shapiro

I am in a weird situation: I (25 year old White Male) find myself horribly unattracted to Orthodox Jewish women. I grew up in the NorthEast where our townswomen who were Orthodox were either getting ready to marry a rabbi/Yeshiva guy (Completely different culture than me, too religious, learn Torah all day) or were so JAP-ey that I couldn't stand being around them. I've tried dating non-religious or non-Jewish women, but the fact that I won't use electricity on Shabbat is a deal breaker for them and they end up either breaking up with me or cheating on me during Shabbat because I wouldn't be able to find out. I've come to the conclusion that I probably should be dating someone raised in a Modern Orthodox or Conservative Household that has strayed away from Judaism enough that they understand and are okay with shabbat/kosher but don't actively practice as strictly. Is there a place where this particular type of women would congregate? I've tried the dating apps but I dislike them and prefer meeting people in person. I don't want to try the Super Orthodox way of dating (ie Shidduch) because I am afraid of the stereotypical Orthodox Jewish Girl between the age of 25-30 who only wants to date for a short time because they are looking to get married ASAP. Additionally, due to my location (Los Angeles), there is a group of women who fit my description (Persians) who won't go near me due to my whiteness.

TL;DR Where do Conservadox girls exist? Dating apps are bad and I'm not quite a match for Reformed or Orthodox women.

I'm looking into converting to Judaism and I find that my beliefs line up somewhere between Orthodox and Conservative. Are there conservadox conversions? If not, would you recommend converting through a Conservative rabbi or an Orthodox rabbi? Thanks.

I don't mean a literal religious shrine. More of a small table with a framed photo or painting of him, his Mezuzah (which he never wore), his bronzed baby shoes, etc.

What is your opinion? We were never very religious but lately I've starting spending time with our more religious friends and I don't know that I've ever seen anything like that in any other Jewish homes. Have you ever seen something like this?

Obviously, it’s something between Conservative and Orthodox Judaism. But I’d like to hear some specifics about what some of you who use that term think it looks like. Men covering their heads all the time? Married women covering their hair? If so, all the time or when engaged in religious rituals? What kind of standards of modest dress, if any? What kind of keeping kosher? Would it be different at home than outside the home? What kind of Shabbat and holiday observance? What kind of beliefs?

Which shouldn't suggest I don't come from a Jewish family... it's complicated. Ask away.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conservadox_Judaism#

Is this true? I can't believe it. I went looking for information on what ideologies and practices specifically made someone Conservadox, and I just don't buy it that Orthodox shuls had mixed seating. I realize the article has a lack of citations, which is problematic.

Does anyone know the factuality of this history? Does anyone know what makes someone "Conservadox?"

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Hey guys, so I am an Israeli-American Jew living in Israel, of Mizrahi and Ashkenazi descent. I grew up in the US with many different denominations, including an elementary and middle school education in Chabad, reform summer camp, MO youth group, and Conservative gap year program. My family is best described as Masorti and I feel strong in my jewish identity even though I am agnostic. I am quite liberal and believe in equality, feminism, and LGBTQ rights.

The problem is, I really don’t relate to modern liberal movements. I love the tradition and complexity of movements such as MO, and this is the kind of Judaism I feel most at home in. However, I struggle to reconcile the more traditional and liberal aspects of my identity. Looking towards the future, I wonder if there is a Jewish community for me within israel, where the rabbinate holds such a tight chokehold on religious matters and most Israeli secular Jews don’t know shit about Judaism.

I’m aware of some liberal MO communities in Jerusalem and Conservadox as well, but I’m not sure I would ever live in Jerusalem or the region (however I’m still interested in hearing about them).

Thinking even more to the future, I would love my future kids to have a Jewish education but the Jewish education here in Israel is abysmal. I would be hard-pressed to find a sort of ‘utopia’ like the Chabad school I attended which had a mixed religious and secular population, and wasn’t too constricting. I feel I was given a rare gift of deep study of Judaism, allowing me to understand it better and then make choices about my own observance based on knowledge and experience rather than ignorance.

Are there communities of people like me in Israel?

TIA

Sorry for the awkward title, wasn't sure how to best word this one. Fair warning, this is a long one. The gist is, I converted before I married my husband a few years ago (I grew up Muslim). He grew up Conservadox (family is more on the modern orthodox end), and I did a conservative conversion for a number of reasons. Lately, though, I've been feeling drawn to "updating" my conversion with an Orthodox rabbi, and I was curious if any others have gone through this experience, and what thoughts are.

In a perfect world, I would have preferred an Orthodox conversion in the first place, but it didn't feel feasible for a few reasons. We were up in the air about where we'd be living when we I decided to convert. We were also already living together, and I had a sense that would be a non-starter for most Orthodox rabbis. We had also been going to a Conservative shul near our old home for a few months by the time I decided to convert, and I loved it there; when we moved, our rabbi put me in touch with another Conservative rabbi in our new city and I went from there. I had an ok experience converting; to be frank I didn't love the process or the rabbis I worked with, and I ended up doing a ton of reading/learning on my own and through my in-laws, who are incredibly knowledgeable and open to sharing.

Fast forward a few years, and I've had this nagging desire to go through the whole process again, but with an Orthodox rabbi. When I interrogate why, it's for a few reasons. I felt like my first conversion was taught like I was in a college summer seminar. We talked about G-d for one class over the span of a year, which surprised me. The rest was focused on Jewish history, culture, holidays, etc. Judaism has always been a big part of my now husband's life, so it was naturally a part of our relationship from the beginning, so by the time I got to that class I felt like I was ready to go "deeper," but that just wasn't on offer. I know that I'm more than capable of learning/reading on my own or with others now (which I do), but that's just one of the things about my experience that left me unsatisfied. I feel like I would have learned much more about spirituality / faith had I gone the Orthodox route. To be frank I feel like we rushed through a "Judaism for Dummies" pretty quickly.

Over the years, I've also become more observant. Our house is kosher, no driving on Shabbat, etc. etc. The area I struggle with is committing to a fully Orthodox lifestyle; I'm deeply attract

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Buenosdillas

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

Why

Dissuading me from converting will never happen. At the end of the day I'm converting for both HaShem and to join the community, I believe HaShem will accept me in the end at my final conversion step as valid and want the community to as well...

I'm in the process of doing my conservative conversion into Judaism. I agree with Orthodoxy traditions and reasonings 99% however, I am LGBT and not able to just become straight and so an Orthodox conversion is almost impossible as I can't vow to follow an Orthodox view of Leviticus's infamous prohibition on LGBT behavior.

Being not born Jewish or any connection to it, I obviously have heard Orthodox don't accept non-Orthodox gentile converts as full Jews, or any bit of Jewish at all, even after a conversion, and thus i'll be seen as not really a Jew by most, including Israel.

If someone converts from a non-Jew into conservative, follows all the laws, prays and studies torah daily, studies Hebrew, basically lives as an "Conservadox" shabbat shomer etc and so on, they still are not full Jews according to the Orthodox? Is there any way that someone like this would be accepted as a Jew to an Orthodox, or is it 100% Orthodox conversion required no matter what or basically you are seen as dressing up/pretending to be a Jew since I wasn't born into it? Is there ever a case where a gentile converted to a Non-Orthdox view and is still accepted for minyan with Orthodox Jews?.

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)