Why do cannibals hate eating military men?

Every once in a while they get a colonel stuck in their teeth.

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👤︎ u/69_WetBulb
📅︎ Jul 21 2021
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What do you call a highly ranked military official who occasionally drops little words of wisdom and helpful facts?

A colonel of truth!

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👤︎ u/CopsaLau
📅︎ Aug 30 2021
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What is the highest ranking vegetable?

Corn, it's made up entirely of colonels.

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👤︎ u/crayoncer
📅︎ Jan 15 2021
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Which officers tell the corniest jokes?

The Colonels.

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📅︎ Sep 05 2020
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What do you call a senior-ranked military officer who offers nuggets of factual wisdom?

The Colonel of Truth

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👤︎ u/CopsaLau
📅︎ Nov 26 2020
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Why not.

So a few days ago, during school my friend sitting next to me (in Social Studies) was reading off a few of the Generals form WW2. So I lean over and say, "I think that list should be on the main page under... General... Information". He hated it. Them I say " what you wanted a... colonel... Of hope." And he said " why me".

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👤︎ u/Havefun887
📅︎ Oct 11 2019
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Humans get chicken pox while chickens dont get human pox.

Colonel Sanders just found a way to get back at those little bastards.

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📅︎ Feb 29 2020
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What do you call a snack that is in the army?

The Popcorn Colonel

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📅︎ Jun 28 2018
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Pets, puns and dictators

Help wanted from r/puns!

I am planning to make my girlfriend a picture calendar for 2015 of some dog/ cat based puns of famous dictators. I'm running short of ideas, and so am turning to Reddit, given their penchant for all things pets and puns.

My ideas so far:

Adolf Kitler

Chairman miaow

Kitty Amin

Ho chi(huahua) Min

Robert Pugabi

Colonel Catdafi

Saddam Hussaint Bernard

Benito Pussolini

Fidel Catstro

I'm looking to Reddit's collective pun power to generate some more ideas. Help me punslingers!

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📅︎ Dec 25 2014
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I saw my chance and I took it! I like to think my Dad taught me well.

So I work asphalt maintenance (crackseal). Saturday I had a special note on the contract that said "Only do Major Cracks". Working at a Browning facility it made me think military. So at the end of the day I called up my boss and I just couldn't hold it back anymore. "Sorry, I didn't see Major Cracks, but There was a Colonel Mustard and a Captain Crunch, but I didn't do them as was requested".

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👤︎ u/Vyrot89
📅︎ Sep 18 2014
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I got dad-joked by someone attending an opera last night.

I was ripping ticket stubs for an opera performance at my college last night when an older gentleman handed me his ticket and said, "I'm a colonel. Is that still okay?" His wife and I were a bit confused, but I said yes, that was perfectly fine.

"Well this ticket says 'General Admission,' but I'm only a colonel."

His wife groaned and I laughed. Highlight of my night.

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📅︎ Mar 20 2016
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Who really fried my public image by calling me a chicken?

Colonel Slanders

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👤︎ u/superpond
📅︎ Sep 28 2012
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Dad asked me about my education

Dad: Can you double major?

Me: I already am a double major

Dad: Can you triple major?

Me: No, that's not allowed.

Dad: Can you colonel?

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📅︎ Aug 18 2015
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My Fiancee's Dad
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📅︎ Jun 11 2015
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