Clever Mustard Puns

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

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"The light in the window is a crack in the sky..." - Ozzy "Hairy Goblin" Osbourne, industrialist, supervillain, and musician

General NoDra'ak walked slowly along the path, breathing slow and steady, letting his grasping arms and bladearms hang loose and swing back and forth. He'd just gotten finished with a three minute time on a 2-mile run and felt pretty good about himself.

Despite going on nearly four hundred he was in excellent physical condition. True, he was a little more out of breath than he would have been two hundred years ago, but it wasn't that long ago that he would have only lived to the grand old age "got his head eaten by a matron" so all in all he was pretty satisfied with everything.

Now if only the Trial of General Trucker, as it was being labeled in the press, would be as easy as a two mile sprint.

NoDra'ak felt a slight tingle of irritation at the thought of the trial. With the whole thing moving to General Court Martial, with a judge and a full panel of nine, the whole thing had turned into a massive warhead with the addition of the Immortals.

General NoDra'ak snickered to himself at the memory of the JAG officer giving one of the Immortals the questionnaire to see if they were suitable to sit on the board.

The JAG officer had asked the innocent faced female Terran/feline hybrid simply: "Have you ever worked with General Trucker previously to this?" and gotten a string of emojis and the simple word "Doki." The translator had packed it in and the JAG officer had turned to NoDra'ak and the JAG Office CO and just shrugged.

The Neko-Marine was nearly eight thousand years old, had 'fallen' into the embrace of the Neko-Marines nearly as long ago, during the Second Terran/Mantid War. A former Four Star General equivalent with an impressive combat record before her 'Fall', the fact that she was still alive and part of the Neko-Marine's 'command structure' (if one could call it that) was impressive all on its own.

Still the JAG officer could not even certify that what the Joan was experiencing and what everyone else was experiencing was the same thing.

So she had been excused from sitting on the court martial board.

JAG wasn't sure about having Gene

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

At work, I have a workstation.

edit: cheers u/cheer_up_richard

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

Lately there have been a lot of people discussing a general strike. It only lasts a relatively brief while, and is meant as a sort of show of force. There has been some concern, however, that it might harm those who are in precarious situations, and as such, shouldn't be pursued.

Regardless of your stances on the strike itself, and even regardless of whether it happens, I believe it's important that knowledge about how to survive in the capitalist world while not participating in capitalism (whether long-term, or for a brief moment such as a strike) be understood and shared, and I hope to provide some such knowledge, as well as a space for others' knowledge to be shared.

I'll be modeling this post after Abbie Hoffman's "Steal this Book", because I think it's a pretty fun format.

Aiding and Abetting: Jim, Stacy, Tom, George Soros, Phil Swift, Carl Marks, Karl Marx (no relation to Carl), Aleksandr Leonovitch Granin, John McClane, Subcommandante Marcos, Subcowmandante Marcos, Crapsh00t, The aliens squatting at area 51 (shh, don't tell the government! They still think they're testing experimental aircraft and not spaceships!), Phil Frye (our anonymous contact with the aliens inside Area 51, don't tell the government about him either!), The Bowling Alley Strike Animation, Niko, the other Niko, Scott, the other Scott, Xyphear, and everyone reading.

And because I know there are plenty of people watching this sub, I'll get it out of the way: Anything I mention that's illegal is a sarcastic mention, and I do not advocate or condone any illegal activity.

0: General-purpose mutual aid

go to https://www.mutualaidhub.org/ to find a map of mutual aid organizations in so-called North America; for other places, check out https://www.idealist.org/en/

1: Food

Getting food can be a bit of a challenge when you seemingly need to pay for it with money that nobody seems to have anymore. However, there are ways to get food with very little means, except for some cleverness, and a few friends.

==I Get by with a Little Help from my Friends==

One common source of food comes from church groups. They'll typically give food and a place to stay to people when they need it, or at least, the nicer ones will. They also often give food to anarchist groups who distribute food, at least around where I am, since they don't have many mechanisms in place to go out and give people food where they are, they tend to rel

Wows

I’ll show myself out

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.