Clever Hammock Puns

The Beginning | Wiki Page | Eighth Part | Tenth Part

“You have done well to come this far, intruder,” spoke a dark figure from a stone throne before me.

I kept the .50's crosshair on his head. “Evening, count bloodsucker. I know this is a boss-rush floor, but I’m open to talking it out if you don’t want to re-die.”

He looked confused, which did not befit his posh garb and drab throne. He swirled a wine glass full of blood. “How do you so swiftly assume what I am?” he asked, dodging my offer for a truce.

I rolled my eyes. “I’ve been around the block. But let me ask you more questions: Why are you here? How long have you been waiting? Why don’t you leave? Where are you getting fresh blood?”

He opened his mouth, then shut it and looked to the side. A flustered air washed over him as he gazed around like someone with dementia. I watched his struggle to answer the question burn at his soul. Vampires always love mental challenges, and I had somehow thrown the ultimate one his way off the top of my head. Unfortunately, he was getting more and more flustered, and—as it always is in the big open boss rooms—I was the only target for his potential wrath.

On that day, I learned the limits of vampiric reaction time. Despite his stature as an aged and likely experienced individual, the .50 Armor-Piercing-Incendiary-Tracer did not care as it zipped through the air at 2900 feet-per-second and turned his head to a fine red mist. His remains went limp as the wine glass clattered to the floor before he turned to dust. On any other day I might have talked him down, but not today. No unnecessary risks.

The wall to my right slid down as I reloaded. I approached the much grander 10-foot-tall steel door and beckoned my mule over from the entryway, only to remember I was alone. With a huff (which triggered the cracked rib pain again) I knocked on the door, finding it to be rather thick steel. My idea would have to wait a little longer as I cranked the latch to trigger the mechanism. I held up the Val in case of ambush, but the floor was being nice about not instantly attacking me.

What awaited me was the most gigantic room so far. The curve-vaulted cei

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD, BEWARE YE

I finished the game last night and I absolutely LOVED it. The art style, the music, the twists and turns, methodically working my way through each little bit to solve all the fates... pure joy.

Genuinely feel gutted that I can never relive it for the first time again. I feel like I could go back to it in a few years and not remember ALL of the finer details but I'd still remember a lot of it. Shows how much my brain liked it though!

Here are some of my favourite moments I just want to share with like minded folk:

->!First time you see the kraken. I literally said out loud 'oh my god it's a fucking kraken'. The sense of absolute chaos erupting everywhere was so cool and terrifying!!<

->!First time I noticed that those HORRIBLE ARACHNOID LOOKING things have SORT OF A HUMAN SHAPED FORM?! That creeped me out so much, I love that it wasn't obvious at first either so it was a real shock when I noticed.!<

->!When I realised that weird sparkly thing in the distant sea must be one of those shells!!<

->!When I noticed that the three midshipman were almost always together, and they looked and sounded fairly young, and realising that Thomas was talking about his fellow midshipman Pete to the first mate as he died. That little detail of the story made me so sad, those poor young lads.!<

->!When I finally figured out who 'tattoo guy' was! I can't have been the only one who thought that he was the bosun's mate for the longest time because of what the bosun said before he died?! So clever.!<

->!Figuring out the final four Chinese guys by their shoes and the hammock tags (I made a note on my phone when I first unlocked the two memories where the hammocks are visible, knew those numbers would be important!)!<

->!The discovery that the second mate was a massive bellend, I mean what an absolute nob. Poor Hok-Seng Lau. And literally everyone else who died because of his actions ... we hate that guy.!<

->!The mermaid creatures / being able to walk around on the sea! Such fun. Those creatures really creeped me out as well, pure nightmare fuel with their talons and sharp teeth!!<

-Every time the little 'another three fates correct' music played, felt good to chip away and have these little rewards along the way. Very satisfying mechanic giving you ticks in batches of three.

Overall I felt like this game was a perfect mix of some of my favourite things - an old fashioned horror story /

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

I guess the concept didn't work

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

First || Previous || Next

The codebook wasn’t what the Singer expected it to be.

In her hands was a worn hardback book with actual printed paper. It was strange to realize that this was the first time she’d ever held one outside the pseudo-nostalgia of her mind. Inside the book was a collection of poems written by the Emperors.

Emperor Brycellis Gaius, the first all the way to the fifty-first. Different Emperors, but the same name. Fifty-two times. Each of them had written at least one poem, some so long they could have been a novel all their own. What surprised her was how consistent the voice was between the few poems she’d tried to read.

Poems about love, and death, and anger. There were lives and pantheons written in poetry. And yet, unlike how she would have expected, the poems seemed to string together somehow. As if the authors had handed down the same story to each generation.

There was some cleverness, the Singer thought, to use a book like this. Though no Empire ship had ever been captured by an enemy, if they were, there would be no book of ciphers to find. The codebook would be dismissed as nothing more than a personal effect of the Captain.

How the General had discovered this, she might never know. Nor why he’d bothered to investigate it if he didn’t think they’d be able to use that information.

It was likely that he’d expected trouble in the final Terminals. This was why the shuttle still clamped like a tick to the Manifest Destiny was stuffed to the gills with Electronic Warfare Equipment.

“You’re certain this will work?” Achilles grumbled from over her shoulder.

“Yes,” the Singer said. “And if it doesn’t, we have enough time to activate the backup in the shuttle. So if they can hear my voice, then that will definitely work.” Achilles didn’t reply, but she could feel his claws squeeze the back of the Captain’s seat nervously.

She looked up, and the holographic display of the command module dominated her vision. Its illusionary expanse made it seem like the vectored graphics floated in the air in front of her. The tiny arrow representing Manifest Destiny faced away from the oval shape of the M’divosk Terminal.

The Singer didn’t need to read the numbers floating nearby to know the ship was still accelerating – slowing their v

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Edit: guys please stop giving me unrelated bear advice. I may not be an expert but I was an eagle scout. I have been trained in the methods. I'm asking about people's experience with a specific topic.

Edit edit: this is a hypothetical. Like anybody who camps I obviously know that bear encounters are once in a blue moon if you do your camp set up normally.

So there a lot of posts here about animal proofing already, but I've not seen one about my specific question.

There are of course the usual tips. Store food in bear boxes away from camp. Hang it in trees. Burry it even. But bears are clever bastards and it's never a guarantee. Not to mention a starving ass bear/mt lion might see me in my hammock-tent as a tasty burrito. (More Edit: this is clearly a joke guys come on. Cut me some damn slack) So I've been thinking about alternatives to animal proofing a campsite. Compact solutions I can carry in my car or kayak or backpack.

Has anyone had personal success with a noise maker trip wire? I know they make the emergency 12 gauge trip wire to really scare things off but that's one use only. There are also many electrical trip wires but because I'll often be on the water I'd like to avoid electronics. I'm talking just a sturdy wire maybe braided fishing wire with noise makers. Metal clackers, cans, what have you. I figure both animals scare easily when it comes to unknown sounds. So it could be a good alternative if it were loud enough plus it would alert me to danger at the same time.

Edit edit edit: I'm not going to keep a 12 guage in my hammock-tent. That's a recipe for shooting myself in the dick. (Also a joke)

If you have used them, any suggestions for materials that are easily carried? If it can fit on/in my pack that would be even better.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

[removed]

I’m creating transcripts for the show as each new episode is released. To do this, I start with the subtitles from Amazon and edit them to have better formatting. I then add name attributions and scene titles (that I made up) along with time codes. I'm also removing sound descriptions (such as "[gasp]", etc.).

For the other episodes, including transcripts for the X-Ray Trivia blurbs and the animated Origin Stories, go to my Index of Season 1 Transcripts.

I want the transcripts to make sense if it’s been awhile since viewing the episode, so I’m creating detailed scene titles and including descriptions of what’s happening when it’s helpful to understanding the dialogue.

{S1E6 Transcript - “The Flame of Tar Valon” - Created 12/10/2021}

{RECAP (00:00)}

{SCENE01 (01:06) - A fly-through of the landscape surrounding The Fingers of the Dragon Delta, in the country of Tear. A small village can be seen next to the river. A small house apart from the village is shown.}

{Inside their small bamboo house, Berden Sanche wakes up a young Siuan Sanche who is sleeping in a hammock.}

[Berden] Up you get, Siuan.

[Siuan] Are the fish stirring, Papa?

[Berden] Aye. Kissing the surface.

[Siuan] Jumping for their breakfast?

[Berden] Best we catch them, then.

[Siuan] Before some other bastard does.

{Berden grabs his knife and walks out the front door.}

[Berden] Come on.

{SCENE02 (02:13) - Berden and Siuan are fishing on the river in a small boat.}

{Berden struggles with a knot in his net. Siuan channels to undo the knot.}

{Dogs bark in the distance.}

[Berden] Siuan.

[Siuan] Nobody saw.

[Berden] Just the two of us. Out of sight of the village. That's the rule.

[Siuan] But Papa...

[Berden] A wise woman knows the breaking point of her line. Don't push yours.

You couldn't unravel them knots a week ago. You're getting better.

{SCENE03 (03:29) - Berden and Siuan return home from fishing.}

{They stand on the dock and hear an ominous sound.}

[Siuan] Papa?

{They find their house burned to the ground and notice a red Dragon Fang painted onto a burnt fence.}

{SCENE04 (04:04) - Berden says goodbye to Siuan at their dock.}

[Berden] Practice your lures and your knots every day. Don't get lazy and... and use the power instead.

[Siuan] How will you get the catch in by yourself?

[Berden] I'll manage.

[Siuan] But without the boat and the house?

[Berden] Don't you worry yourse

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors”

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

And boy are my arms legs.

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD, BEWARE YE

I finished the game last night and I absolutely LOVED it. The art style, the music, the twists and turns, methodically working my way through each little bit to solve all the fates... pure joy.

Genuinely feel gutted that I can never relive it for the first time again. I feel like I could go back to it in a few years and not remember ALL of the finer details but I'd still remember a lot of it. Shows how much my brain liked it though!

Here are some of my favourite moments I just want to share with some like minded folk:

>!-First time you see the kraken. I literally said out loud 'oh my god it's a fucking kraken'. The sense of absolute chaos erupting everywhere was so cool and terrifying!

-First time I noticed that those HORRIBLE ARACHNOID LOOKING things have SORT OF A HUMAN SHAPED FORM?! That creeped me out so much, I love that it wasn't obvious at first either so it was a real shock when I noticed.

-When I realised that weird sparkly thing in the distant sea must be one of those shells!

-When I noticed that the three midshipman were almost always together, and they looked and sounded fairly young, and realising that Thomas was talking about his fellow midshipman Pete to the first mate as he died. That little detail of the story made me so sad, those poor young lads.

-When I finally figured out who 'tattoo guy' was! I can't have been the only one who thought that he was the bosun's mate for the longest time because of what the bosun said before he died?! So clever. -Figuring out the final four Chinese guys by their shoes and the hammock tags (I made a note on my phone when I first unlocked the two memories where the hammocks are visible, knew those numbers would be important!)

-The discovery that the second mate was a massive bellend, I mean what an absolute nob. Poor Hok-Seng Lau. And literally everyone else who died because of his actions ... we hate that guy.

-The mermaid creatures / being able to walk around on the sea! Such fun. Those creatures really creeped me out as well, pure nightmare fuel with their talons and sharp teeth!!<

-Every time the little 'another three fates correct' music played, felt good to chip away and have these little rewards along the way. Very satisfying mechanic giving you ticks in batches of three.

Overall I felt like this game was a perfect mix of some of my favourite things - an old fashioned horror story / tall tale of the sea, sailor folklore / superstition, puzzle so