Clever Buddha Puns

>The day Master Letan Ying opened a hall, a monk bowed, rose, let a corner of his vestment hang down, and said, "How is it when you take off your armor?" > >He said, "Happily the beacon fires are extinguished, bow and spear are hung on the wall." > >The monk then readjusted his vestment and said, "How about when you rearm?" > >He said, "Until you've gotten to the banks of Raven River, I know you won't stop." > >The monk thereupon shouted. > >Ying said, "Startled me to death!" > >The monk clapped. > >Ying said, "And this is finding life in the midst of death." > >The monk bowed. > >Ying said, "I thought you had the ability to capture one state and destroy another; after all you're just a crook selling bootleg salt." > >The monk asked, "What is Buddha?" > >Ying said, "The eyebrows divided, the eyes like comets." > >The monk asked, "What is the meaning of the Chan founder's coming from the West?" > >Ying said, "Each stroke of the cane leaves a welt." > >The monk said, "Let the entire assembly witness my apology." Ying laughed. > >The monk bowed, rose, and drew a circle with his left hand. Ying stuck his whisk through it and moved it to the right. Then the monk drew a circle with his right hand. Ying stuck his whisk through it and moved it to the left. Then the monk drew a circle with both hands and held it up to present it. Ying drew a line with his whisk and said, "These thirty years I've never yet met a descendant of the Gui-Yang sect; now instead I've encountered a fellow walking on tiles of unfired clay. Is there anyone else with any questions?" [a long silence] "There is no one." > >Finally he said, "Questions are endless, and answers are never finished. Questioning and answering back and forth gets further and further from the Way. Why? This matter is such that even if you get it on impact, you are no great man for that; even if you get it at a shout, that still doesn't make you an adept. So how then could you take rules from words, running around seeking in sayings, so that your speech may be clever and new, and your wits may be swift? Those with views and interpretations like this are all burying the essence of Chan, besmirching the worthies of yore; when have they ever dreamed of seeing our Chan way? > >"When our Buddha, the one who arrived at thusness, was about to pass away into ultimate extinction, he said, 'I have the treasury of perception of

The self means the ego; perfected people are not more likely to be confusing at best or contentious at worst. What worries me is that in my assembly there would be a city slicker who cheats the country bumpkin. > Let me assure you again that the Buddha statue is your own treasure -- perfectly complete, it lacks nothing.

Do your worst!

> Lalalaaa… gaaateee… lalaaa… paaaraaagaateeee! Happyyy… parasomegateeeee… bodhi svahaaaaa!

Xuanzang Sanzang was a Buddhist priest that traveled the Silk Road in search of scriptures. Along with her conglomeration of disciples, she faced outer and inner demons on the path to enlightenment.

In the Camelot Singularity, Sanzang appeared within the desert of Ozymandias by accident, and traveled the land in search of… nothing, really. She was just happy to be there. She stayed with the pharaohs as well as the Lion King, being the only one allowed to leave the Holy City after entering. However, after meeting Ritsuka Fujimaru and Mash Kyrielight, she decided to lend them her aid, even if she agreed with the Lion King's aim.

Thanks to u/Cleverly_Clearly and u/Wapulatus for helping go through material. Thanks to u/virlex15 for providing Grand Order profile scans.

#Key

#Strength

• Blasts through an Enforcement Knight^WA
• Blocks an attack from (Saber) Lancelot^PA
• Knocks Mordred backward despite her attempt to block^PA
• Breaks rocks burying Fujimaru^GO

#Durability

• Gets caught in Mordred's energy sword^PA

#Speed

• Dodges a slash from (Saber) Lancelot^PA
• Runs faster than an army, but slower than cavalry^PA
• Spins her staff to deflect arrows^PA

#Skill

Class Skills

Territory Creation (A+): One can create a “Workshop”, which is an advantageous position for themselves as a mage. Because Xuanzang Sanzang possesses Rank A in this, it is possible to create a “Temple”, which is superior to a “Workshop”. (Strictly speaking, because the orientation of her school of Magecraft is different, the territory created by Xuanzang Sanzang is not designated as a “Workshop”. Also, it excels in timeliness in regard to its creation, so the practicality of cr

My understanding must be wrong here. But to me there seems to be a theme in zen, of engaging thought with the concepts that it will not see.

That’s part of what these koans seem to do right? I hope these questions are put correctly.

Like the one koan where the master raised his finger to show zen. But when his student answered with the same gesture the master cut off his finger and he was enlightened.

Why does this story feel so meaningful? Like the point is so clearly that we made a concept out of the finger. So how do you show zen now? Remove the finger. But why should that idea make me feel this way? Why does it feel like once I can distance myself from these concepts then I will see? What will I see?

I recently was listening to a J. Krishnamurti, I wish I could find the video but I have been listening to him a lot so I lost the specific moment. But in the video he talks about washing dishes at one moment and I could suddenly see how much the washing dishes is like my understanding of zazen. Not that I’m cleaning the content out of my mind or something silly because that clearly feels wrong also. But the mind does seem bowl like somehow.

And I remember the “go wash your bowl” koan. Where the new student comes to the master and asked to be taught. The master says “have you eaten yet” and after the student says he had the master says “then go wash your bowl,” and the student was enlightened. And obviously I see the pragmatic meaning about doing the next task that can be gleaned but, well, if I’m a monk, wouldn’t I have probably washed the bowl already? And I just started laughing when I realized that. Because that’s still the next step right? If you wish to learn zen it seems. Unless I’m mistaken. Because if we could wash out the mind like a bowl what would be left in the bowl? And why would you keep washing if nothings there? It’s already empty. But then again haven’t I just made a new concept called emptiness in doing so?

So what is zen? Why do I still feel so drawn to this? Is zazen really just washing my bowl to wash it? Krishnamurti has mentioned the practicing of death in life. And considering the point of Buddhism is enlightenment, and the escape of samsara. And considering according to the Buddha the right view is reincarnation, nirvana is the goal.(I’m personally at the moment convince of oblivion at death, though the Buddha said it wasn’t as skillful) Whatever the goal actually is, it’s clearly not to continue on as we are now, clin

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

Pilot on me!!

> As long as people wishing to live proper lives exist, I will continue to protect them. I was given this power for that purpose. Know that as long as my father and my life remain, the sun remains immortal.

Karna stands as one of the strongest and mightiest heroes of Indian mythology. The eternal rival of Arjuna, Karna stood against him on the battlefields of the Mahabharata, until he was betrayed and cowardly killed by Arjuna.

In Fate/Apocrypha, Karna was summoned as the Lancer of the Red Faction, to fight against the Black. Karna existed only to follow his Master's orders, and saw the Grail War as nothing more than a chance to fulfill his duties. However, interest sparked in his eyes when he met someone fascinating, someone that could offer him a challenge: Saber of Black, Siegfried.

Thanks to u/Cleverly_Clearly and u/seoila for helping collect feats. Thanks to u/virlex15 for providing Grand Order profile scans.

#Key

Servants' power levels vary depending on the amount of mana they can gain from their Master. Hover over a feat to see which Master Karna has when he performs a feat.

Feats where Siegfried is spelled Siegfried regard when the homunculus Sieg transforms using his Dead Count Shapeshifter ability.

Italicized feats take place when Karna spent an unspecified amount of time training with Asvatthaman (possibly millennia) and was given Rama's Brahmastra.

Link to Fate/Apocrypha hub post

#Strength

Piercing

Objective

• His spear could easily tear apart an airplane^GG
  • [In the attack on the Hanging Gardens, the Black team employs ten jumbo jets with the

> It doesn’t matter if you’re my resurrected kin… or a wise ruler from the past… or a brave general from an ancient era… or even if you’re a legendary king yourself. The only one suitable to be emperor is none other than Nero Claudius! Loved by the people, allowed to love them, wanted by them, there is only one! The one and only ruler! A shining star like so! Arrogant to carry all the burden like so! Even if all the Gods of Rome descend and tell her to surrender, she’ll never back down! Umu, I won’t back down, I will rule and I will prosper gloriously! I am, without a doubt, Rome itself!

Summoning

The fifth emperor of Imperial Rome, Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus was a magnanimous figure to some, and a hellish despot to others. Nero excelled in diplomacy, and keeping citizens entertained with the employ of "bread and circuses," which took the form of the Nero Fest, an emulation of the Greek Olympics. Nero was much harsher on the world of Christianity, ordering the purging of such a barbaric occult from the prodigious Roman Empire. It was said that due to the silver plateware that was used by the emperor, a mental degradation occurred within Nero, leading to the gradual decline of sanity and eventual suicide of the mighty tyrant.

In Fate/EXTRA, Nero is summoned as the Saber-class Servant to Hakuno Kishinami, one of 128 Masters participating in the Moon Cell's Holy Grail War. Together, they advanced up the Moon Ladder, winning against Masters of varying qualities and backgrounds, before confronting the corrupted NPC Twice H. Pieceman outside the Angelica Cage.

In Fate/EXTRA Last Encore, which takes place following a nonexistent route of Fate/EXTRA, the anime is bad.

In Fate/EXTRA CCC, which takes place following a nonexistent route of Fate/EXTRA (different from Last Encore), I don't know what happens because Nero Route is untranslated as of now.

In Fate/EXTELLA, which takes place following a nonexistent route of Fate/EXTRA (different from Last Encore and EXTRA CCC), after Hakuno Kishinami's victory in the Moon Cell Holy Grail War, they gained access to the Regalia, a ring that allows direct wielding of the full power of the Moon Cell. Once Hakuno split the Regalia into three to escape Archimedes' trap, Nero reunited the pieces with help from her fragment of Hakuno, and successfully drove off the Umbral Star.

In Fate/EXTELLA LINK, which takes place following a n

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

They’re on standbi

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

Hello dear all.

In a spur of energy I started to reflect on my life tonight and thinking about the path of personal growth I’ve paved way for (and wandered) through life so far. Especially the last 10 years, and all the things I’ve realized about myself during those years. Short bio: I’m 30 years old, diagnosed with ADHD. I’m very intuitive and curious, but lack proper work ethics and struggle with over-thinking and abstract pontifications. If I am asked to keep things short, simple and concrete I often fail to do so. I dropped out of high school at 17, went abroad and worked for a year, then came home and worked in different jobs up until I was 25. I finished my high school diploma, and applied to do a bachelor’s degree afterwards. After completing my bachelor’s I jumped on to a master’s degree that I will finish come summer. Life has been a helluva ride made up of mental problems, struggling to cope, depression, lack of motivation or ambitions, declining health with obesity, and all around “loser”-life stuck at dead end jobs.

I was lucky enough to meet the most brilliant girl when I was 23 and working in retail selling hardwood supplies. She was herself doing a bachelor’s at that point. I could do a whole post on all the ways she is the perfect partner in crime for someone like me (she's an ENTJ), but I'll save that for another time. I just count my many blessings as to how lucky I am to have met so many wonderful people that have helped me on my journey.

Anyways, through a lot of luck, some extremely kind people, and a girl that helped me “awaken” to myself and my own causes, and through a mix of personality, grit and traits, I have somehow managed to find my way back into life better than most. It’s the result of a lot of hard work, winning internal-debates, taking the time to make space for reflection, and through practicing being honest and real with myself at all times.

I am feeling in a very good place at the moment, and figured I’d compile a short list of mental practices/thought exercises, and principles and rules I adhere to without question. When I was at a loss or at a crossroads, or just simply unable to even find words to describe my trouble, I discovered the value of listening and seeking input from others. I am forever grateful to all the wonderful people that have taken the time to share their perspective or listen to mine and give feedback.

My greatest wish is to replicate this value for someone else who finds themselves in a simila

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Sorry if the title is on the dramatic side, but I can't overstate how profoundly that book affected me. It didn't introduce many new concepts to me, but Hesse explained these concepts so beautifully and simply, that it was as if I were hearing them for the first time. I'm not an avid reader anymore- this is the first book I've finished in 3 years, but I tore through Siddhartha in no time. I identified with Siddhartha's spiritual baselessneess, his quest for meaning in a place with so many lifestyles and philosophies, yet with no true answer to our suffering. The most poignant passage to me is near the end, when Siddhartha explains the difference between searching and finding, and if you search your whole life, you'll miss all the answers that were right under your nose. This was the best book I've ever read- I will re-read it, I will suggest it to anyone who I think might find it applicable to their own life, and I will continue to ponder the lessons presented by Hesse.

EDIT: grammar

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

“BOOM”?!

"That's what they're fighting about."

free

Because his Visa didn’t work.