You are a super villain who can scream supersonic classical music, you name is Bach the Fuck up. Would you rather rob banks for a living, or would you rather cause random chaos in the streets? reddit.com/r/WouldYouRath…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tater218
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
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My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick.

Especially because his name’s Steve.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shonzo18
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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I went to cut my dads hair

When I went into the kitchen I noticed this near-empty spice bottle, when I realized what it was I had to hurry into the living room before the haircut as I pulled out this classic line with the bottle in-hand.

β€œWe have to hurry! I didn’t realize we were running out of thyme!”

I felt like the universe planted that perfectly for me.

I learned from the best, then I cut his hair.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mistafyed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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You can always count on my dad to respond to everything with a dad joke.

So my mom has a phobia of mice and she found one in my old room (I’m away at college). My dad said he would β€œtake care of it”, which he did, but then the cat killed another one and so she’s upset and was texting my dad things like β€œI can’t live here knowing there’s mice, it’s been nice knowing you.” And my dad’s first response was β€œyou saying it’s been mice knowing me?” Such a classic dad move, I laughed so hard even though I probably shouldn’t have.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dixiecup3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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Dadjoke from memory

Allow me to regale you with a couple tales illustrating my late dad's sense of humor. Last names faked because I'm not that stupid.

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(1). At a routine PTA meeting about me in my Georgia school, everyone found themselves packed into a hot and stuffy room waiting for the boredom to end. Shoulder to shoulder fun, can you picture it?

My dad lets one rip. It's loud, smelly, and echoes. The room falls silent as the fart invites itself unfavorably to the nostrils of those in attendance.

He turns to my mom and with his best shocked face says, "... Patty!"

I like to think he slept on the couch that night.

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(2). During my old man's wait for us to arrive at the new home he had bought, he had to deal with ongoing construction and roughed it at a hotel for a few nights. He was a retired Master Chief Machinist's Mate, so cramped quarters reminded him of the sub's nuclear engine room. No biggie.

An interview comes up for a civilian nuclear power plant nearby, and before you know it my dad's sitting before these stuffy, serious, wrinkly old board members and managers, having his (mostly military) resume picked through.

"Well Mister Smith, we're impressed. Twenty two years is no small amount of time to dedicate to the service. But do you feel you're qualified to operate and audit a civilian fission power plant?"

My dad thinks on it for a second.

"Well no, sir, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."

He got the job immediately.

(For those needing the reference)

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Thanks for caring to read. I miss him a lot and this subreddit always reminds me of his sense of dry, quick humor. Take care!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Morvick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2013
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So I heard you live in an old funeral home...

My mom and her boyfriend recently bought an old funeral home and are renovating it to turn it into a house. While out to dinner with some extended family, my mom's boyfriend's 2nd cousin says, "so I heard you live in a funeral home.. that's interesting" to which his aunt replies, "yeah, we've all been DYING to come visit."

Classic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pennyrae
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2016
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Sandwich dad

So I'm 25 years old, work full time, live at home, and my dad still makes my lunch. Today I texted my dad after I bit into my turkey sandwich because something seemed to be different about this turkey. My dad proceeded to classically dad joke me.

Me: weird turkey

Dad: blackened

Me: idk how I feel about it

Dad: think the turkey felt the same way

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eggplantparm789
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2015
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