Which French city has the easiest girls?

Toulouse

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MartmitNifflerKing
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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Country girl goes to visit her big city cousin.

So the two girls get invited to a dance. The country girl thinks this might be too high brow for her, and tells her cousin, โ€œGolly, them city fellers might think Iโ€™m just a dumb hick.โ€ Her cousin says, โ€œDonโ€™t worry. Just do as I do and youโ€™ll be fine.โ€ After hours of dancing they got tired, so they sat down. Another guy comes and asks the city girl to dance. She smiles sweetly and says โ€œIโ€™m contemplating matrimony and I think Iโ€™d like to sit.โ€ So when the next guy comes up to ask the country girl to dance she smiles confidently and says, โ€œIโ€™m constipated on macaroni and I think Iโ€™d like to shit.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bunsofsteel_MRI_boy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
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Aussies will understand
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thefizzynator
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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I recently went to Nice, France, I'll do a quick report

I liked the city. It was Nice.

I didn't have a lot of luck with girls there however, I heard it's full of Nice girls and Nice guys.

TL;DR: Nice trip.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Lorettooooooooo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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A man was cursed to have lines everywhere

He went to the border of his city but there was a border line, he went to the coast but there was a coast line, he once asked a girl on a date but there was a date line. They go out on a date and go to a club named โ€œheadโ€ but there was a โ€œheadโ€ line, after dancing with his date she says she is thirsty, so being a good date he goes to get a her some punch

But there was no punch line.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Icantevenread24
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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Bacon Puns

Why didnโ€™t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon? ย Kermit the Frogโ€™s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? ย Kevin Bacon


If you canโ€™t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.


How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.


What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.


What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, youโ€™re bacon my heart melt.


What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.


First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trumpโ€™s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.


Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.


If Kevin Bacon doesnโ€™t whisper โ€œHere comes the Baconatorโ€ before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost


Iโ€™ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge thatโ€™s not bacon


If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?


This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.


If we donโ€™t build a wall on our northern border, theyโ€™ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.


I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.


My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaverโ€ฆbecause Iโ€™m Canadian.


When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know youโ€™re getting extr

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 27 2017
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There are three classes of cheerios

There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arrived at her fathers house. The cheerio bent down in front of her father. "Sir, I would like to ask for your blessing in marrying your daughter" "No! You are a regular cheerio and my daughter needs a high quality honey nut" he snapped. "But sir." "No means no damnit!" "Sir this is very unrea-" "You come back a honey nut and you'll have my blessing, my daughter is not about to marry a low life like you." The cheerio sprinted home, tears streaming down his face. He fumbled against the lock and sprawled out on his bed. When he awoke it was early, his sheets had a dark silhouette from his wet jacket. He sat up and lit a cigarette. "Damn." he sighed to himself. Walking in front of his mirror, he noticed something different. His body was frosted! He had become a frosted cheerio! He darted out the door without shoes, reaching the honey nut household in no time at all. He banged on the door, and the beauty's father answered. "Sir I am a changed cheerio! I'm frosted!" he exclaimed. Her father had a stern look on his face. "You think you are any better? The dirt on my boots are worth more than you." he hissed. The old honey nut slammed the door on the young frosted. He heard the deadbolt click. The newly frosted cheerio didn't take the same way home. He stood on the edge of a bridge, feeling the cool autumn wind on his sugar coated skin. Was he really going to go through with this? Was it worth it? No he was a frosted cheerio now. He couldn't get the girl, but he was a changed cheerio. He

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/R1pply
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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Jimmy Carr
  • I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat

  • I went up to the airport information desk. I said "How many airports are there in the world?"

  • I hate fat girls who use the excuse "oh the camera adds 10lb" Well, stop eating cameras then.

  • At the check-in desk the girl said, ''Window seat or aisle?''

l said, ''Window seat or you'll what? Are you threatening me?''

She said, ''No, calm down. Window seat or aisle?''

l said, ''l'll have a seat.''

  • When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in Mexico last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.

  • A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said: "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said: "All right, but we won't get much done"

  • Did you know you're ten times more likely to get mugged in London than New York City? Thats because you don't live in New York City.

  • Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.

  • British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ilikefruitydrinks
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
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I used to see this girl..

So I use to see this girl named Lindsey Theresa Elderwood. All her friends called her LTE. I kept trying to take her out to the mountains, but she just didn't think we could connect out there like we do in the city.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cantaloupe_elope
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
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My dad's favourite advice about dating

"Make sure you find a girl who knows how to read a map."

"...why is that, Dad?"

"So she can tell sooking, fooking, and cooking aren't cities in China."

He laughs, I stopped laughing about a decade ago.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/neoconfection
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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