Christmas Kid Puns

Idk he hadn’t opened his present yet

They were already assembled.

And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me

‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’

👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.

I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids

Because they make the toys!

Yeah, clogs

I said " Give him a gift of the Holiday Spirit".

A lot of bouncing back and forth.

But they started screaming and complaining, so I had to take them down.

I always keep the presents under wraps.

Some insist on a shirt.

Others insist on a pair of socks.

The argument always ends in a tie.

They are in for a rude awakening.

There's no Plate like Chrome for the Hollandaise.

I said 'Oh... I wish it could be Christmas everyday.'

So I took it back to the store and exchanged it for another one…free of charge.

But after looking for hours, I decided to pass. Nothing really jumped out at me.

And Apples don’t grow on trees.

It's cheaper than tinsel and baubles.

To my surprise he shrugged and said sure.

On Christmas Day, I excitedly tore open my gift box. To my anger and disappointment, it only contained 10 plastic toy pigs and deers.

“Daaaaaddd!!!!” I wailed in tears.

Dad gave me the biggest shit-eating grin and said “Well, I got you ten sows and bucks just like you asked.”

Ciabatta.

You know, like the song.

"Ciabatta watch out. Ciabatta not cry...."

I normally cook a ham, but hey, whatever makes them happy

".. I'm keeping my eye on you."

I freaking love that guy.

...free of charge...