Give me your best Celebrity Christmas Puns

Looking for some Celebrity Christmas puns such as "Wreath Witherspoon," "Spruce Willis," "Judy Garland."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gchristine
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2014
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I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.

It’s my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Did you know that guys named Albert are forbidden from celebrating Christmas?

The song clearly says, β€œNo AL, No AL...”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justainsel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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Why didn't the Jewish physicist know how often Christmas is celebrated?

Because if you don't observe something, you can't be sure of its frequency.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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Breaking News: Cornwall has been placed in Tier 4 lockdown.

Hundreds of pirates returned home to Penzance to celebrate Christmas with their families.

Apparently the Arrrr rate has increased dramatically.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1963Jan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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The twelve days of Jokemas, day twelve

What is Santa's favorite part of celebrating Christmas every year?

It's in the present

Merry Christmas everyone!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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What why don't aliens celebrate christmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gamertron20000
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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Celebrating Christmas early, SO says, "It's present time!"

To which her dad responds, "Isn't it always 'present time'?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JLambo54
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2014
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Celebrated Christmas early this year...

After unpacking a simple and straightforward gift I turned to my dad and mentioned,

"Hey, there is no owners manual."

Without pause he just looks back and says,

"Well of course it's an owners automatic"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tigerstan1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2015
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December 24 is my grandma's birthday, so we have all the family together to celebrate Christmas and her birthday at the same time.

Every year my father think's it's hilarious to say "It's amazing, you were born a day before Jesus and are still with us."

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
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I recently became a buddhist...

... but I still celebrate Christmas. So when December comes around I sit under the Christmas tree, wrap myself in wrapping paper and live in the present. 🎁🌲

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-Bloke
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2015
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FWD: Fwd: FWD FWD: Fwd: Emails from Dad

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CampConcentration
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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I found out where I got my sense of humour from today

Every year my girlfriend's family and my family try to celebrate Christmas on different days, so my Christmas-crazy-starts-decorating-for-Christmas-before-I've-taken-my-Halloween-costume-off girlfriend has been bugging me about what day my family is celebrating for a few weeks. The other day we had a conversation that went like this:

SO: "So when's Christmas?"

Me: "[SO], Christmas is the same day every year, December 25th"

Apparently I'm not funny, but today I was on the phone with my awesome mom and my girlfriend was bugging me to ask her what day we were celebrating, so I ask.

Me: "[SO] wants to know what day Christmas is"

Mom: "Well, you should tell [SO] that Christmas is the same day as every other year, December 25th!"

I repeated it to her and she sobbed silently while my mother and I laughed our asses off for the next ten minutes.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2014
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