Christmas Adjectives Puns

Mine are handsome, smelly and hor....

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

Howdy! Welcome to the final day of the r/indieheads Album of the Year 2021 Write-Up Series, our annual event where we showcase pieces from some of our favorite writers on the subreddit talking about their favorite records of the year! Today, we have u/American_Soviet on Injury Reserve's By the Time I Get to Phoenix!

September 15th, 2021 - self-released

Listen:

Bandcamp

Background by u/American_Soviet:

Injury Reserve is a Phoenix, AZ hip-hop group, consisting of MC Nathaniel Ritchie (Ritchie With a T,) producer Parker Corey and, previously, MC Jordan “Stepa” Groggs. Formed in the early 2010s, the group immediately established a cult following online with a series of mixtapes and EPs (Live From the Dentist Office, 2015; Floss, 2016; and Drive It Like It’s Stolen, 2017) showcasing their highly energetic & bombastic style. This era of the trio culminated in 2019 with their acclaimed self-titled debut album on the Loma Vista record label.

In June 2020, Groggs suddenly passed away. The details of his death were never released, and although online fan speculation is easy to find, I do not see it as my place to voice those rumors here. Contrary to popular belief, the vast majority of By the Time I Get to Phoenix was already completed by the time of Groggs’ passing, and the surviving members of Injury Reserve saw to his wish of having the group “release some weird shit.”

Loma Vista refused to release the album and released the group from their remaining contract. Injury Reserve self-released By the Time I Get to Phoenix on September 15, 2021, and instantly garnered widespread critical & fan acclaim. As of now, the future of the group is unknown.

In the liner notes, the duo wrote about Groggs: “Typing here feels small in the space of your real physical absence but you, your voice and your words continue to echo around us all thru these recordings and so many others and everything else. Thank you for your time, we love and miss you, of course of course.”

Review by u/American_Soviet:

*Fragment 1: My grandfather’s initials are the same as mine. Last day I saw him, he slept on a hospice cot, mouth hanging open while he slept. We figured he had already died before we arrived. A nurse sho

There are four main conditionals and a few others with more limited uses. I'll be pulling from Quartet 1, A Dictionary of Basic Japanese Grammar and A Handbook of Japanese Grammar Patterns for Teachers and Students.

The four conditionals たら・と・ば・なら have different levels of restrictions as to what we can and can't do with them.

たら - With the second clause in the present tense, たら requires that the first action MUST be completed/realized before the second action. Expressions using the speaker's subjective opinion, volition (～ましょう) and desire (～たい) are common. The translation is can be a "if" or "when" statement.

宿題が終わったら、寝ようと思います - If/when I'm finished with my homework, I think I'll go to sleep.

明日、晴れたら、テニスがしたいです - If/when it's sunny tomorrow, I want to play tennis.

熱が出たら、学校を休んだほうがいい - If/when you have a fever, you should stay home from school.

If the second clause is in the past tense we can talk about an unexpected event, and this becomes more of a "when" statement.

朝起きたら、雪が降った - When I woke up this morning, it was snowing.

This form is the least restrictive, besides the order/time restriction. If the second clause can/will be realized before the first, we can use なら.

Some idiomatic phrases - たらどうですか

と - The second clause will ALWAYS happen when X occurs. This is good for 1) natural phenomena, 2) something which happens automatically, or 3) habitual routine. The speaker cannot express their subjective opinion, volition or desire in the second clause.

春が来ると、桜が咲く- When/if spring comes, sakura bloom.

このスイッチを押すと、電気がつく - If/when this switch is pushed, the lights go on.

毎年クリスマスになると、家族がスキーに行く - If/when it’s Christmas, my family goes skiing.

Some idiomatic phrases - といいんですが・といいですね

ば - If the second clause is in the present, a desirable result is the result of the condition.

教科書の単語を全部覚えれば、単語テストでいい点が取れます - If you memorize all of the vocabulary in this textbook, you’ll get a good score on your vocabulary tests.

薬を飲めば、風邪がよくなります - If you take medicine, your cold will get better.

薬を飲まなければ、風邪がよくなりません - If you don’t take your medicine, your cold won’t improve.

If the conditional expresses an action or change, the second clause can NOT contain the opinion or wish of the speaker. A conditional adjective or a stative verb CAN express the speaker's wish or opinion.

Some idiomatic phrases - ばならない・いけない; ばいいのに

なら - Pulls the condition from context. The second clause can express judgement, command, desire or volition. なら can be used to express a situation whi

For those not accustomed to it, life in rural Eastern Europe can feel very lonely and isolating.

I’ve spent all of my teenage life and most of my childhood in London, but recently, about a year ago, we were forced to move back to the old country due to financial reasons. I couldn't have been older than three or four when we first transitioned to the UK, so my memories of my hometown were foggy at best. An old apartment complex in the middle of an industrial district isn't exactly the most scenic place to grow up either, but though definitely drab at times, it always felt alive. There was always something to do, and the more interesting parts of town were just a short bus ride away. Here, there are only grasslands stretching for miles in whichever direction I look, not to mention the four hour drive between me and the nearest city. For the record, I don't have a license.

Most of my days out here are spent helping dad and trying to find a decent internet connection, which is close to impossible (you have no idea how many attempts it took to post this). I’ve never been much of an extrovert, but having nobody to talk or relate to takes a toll on you. The local population is primarily comprised of people past their sixties. The last family with a kid closer to my age had apparently moved near a decade ago, which... yeah, you can definitely see why.

Unfortunately, as you've probably already guessed, boredom hasn't been the worst thing that I've had to contend with. Not even close.

I remember when I first saw her.

It was still technically summer at the time, so evenings were tolerable, if not exactly "warm". Dad and I were taking a walk along the dirt road that connects the village to the nearest highway. He was talking about how I just needed to hold out for a few more years, and that we'll be able to move again once we save enough money. The prospect of spending literal years trapped in some desolate hamlet in the middle of nowhere isn’t exactly assuring, but with him getting older and mum’s disabilities, I can’t just abandon them either. They are by no means perfect parents, but they’ve always tried their best and I appreciate them for it.

I remember looking over at my father, only to notice something in the distance past his shoulder. I strained my eyes. The gloom was far too dense to fully penetrate, but I could definitely distinguish the outline of someone standing amidst the tall grass, towering above it. The figure was that of a woman; a very tall

Major Spoilers ahead!!!

Wife bought me the manga set for Christmas and I started reading it a week ago. Literally did not want to stop it was so amazing. I was trying to only read one book a night before bed but it ended up being a couple books every day.

I'm not good at remembering everyone's name. I can see it on the page and know who they're talking about but I can't remember it enough to type it.

I want to say it was perfect but I just have a few complaints that may have only bothered me.

The fight scenes were hard to follow sometimes. They'd show a sword slash, or an up close shot in some panels and I literally had no idea what was happening. In the over all fight I would understand it but in those select frames I didn't know what the artist was trying to show.

A lot of the techniques looked the same. Whenever they would use a sword move it was drawn just like any other one from any other breath skill. Water form 1 may have looked just like Love form 4 the way it was drawn. I understand it is kinda hard to show a lot of action in drawing with a manga like this. The only ones that actually looked different was the fire and moon. But even with moon all they did was draw crescent shapes lol.

The skill names were just a bunch of adjectives stacked on top of each other.

It seemed like the first arc, season 1 of anime I guess, had a really nice pace, then it picked up fast and I was thrown through the story super quickly till the end fight where it kinda slugged down to Demon being surrounded and attacking from range the entire time.

Not enough Boar and Lightning guys. They were amazing and it seemed like they got written out a lot of times till the end.

These complaints aren't even too much of a big deal. Just some small things that doesn't take too much from the story.

I loved this manga so much. I'm going to pick up the game tomorrow and then catch up on season two.

I'm also definitely going to reread the manga in the future. I think maybe I just devoured it too quickly and didn't have enough time on each page to digest what was really happening. So I would like to say all of these faults I'm giving the manga is really just my ignorance.

Inosuke, Nezuko, and Insect/Butterfly lady are my fav. 10/10 characters.

EDIT: To add one more thing I didn't entirely like. Demon King in the end fight literally stood still and used his tentacles to attack. That was kinda anticlimactic.

Couple of things I loved. The end with Demon King, when he transfor

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

On December 2nd, 1988, 19-year-old Cathy Sue Swartz went about her morning routine as usual at her Three Rivers, Michigan townhouse. The evening prior, Cathy’s boyfriend had stayed the night with her and her 9-month-old daughter, Courtney. They had spent the evening decorating the Christmas tree, putting up decorations, and wrapping presents for Courtney’s first Christmas. Around 5am, Cathy bid farewell to her boyfriend as he left for work, telling him she planned to spend the day catching up on laundry.

Around 3:30pm, Cathy’s boyfriend returned to her two-story Riverside Townhouse located on Lockport Drive, only to discover the apartment's red front door was slightly ajar. Alarmed, he entered Cathy’s apartment where he was met with a nightmarish scene. Blood was splattered throughout the entire first floor of the apartment and led up the stairs to where Cathy and Courtney’s bedroom were located on the second floor.

Cathy’s boyfriend ran upstairs where he found Cathy on her bedroom floor, partially clad, beaten, strangled, and riddled with stab wounds. After finding Cathy, he ran to Courtney’s room, where he found her unharmed, wearing a clean diaper, and playing quietly in her crib. He immediately summoned police.

When officers arrived on scene, they were quoted as saying, ”Any adjective that you could think of as far as describing a brutal, violent scene was there.”

It was determined that the attack on Cathy had started in the kitchen area of her townhouse. It is believed a struggle ensued, and Cathy was stabbed. She then made her way to the foyer, the entryway near the front door, before running upstairs and down the hallway to her bedroom. There, it is believed Cathy’s attacker sexually assaulted, strangled, and beat her, before stabbing her more than a dozen times, and slitting her throat. Her ultimate cause of death was listed as severe blood loss. (See sources for apartment floor plans.)

Investigators found nothing missing from Cathy’s home, and discovered no signs of forced entry. Cathy was found partially nude, however was still in her pajama’s leading detectives to believe she was attacked in the early afternoon.

It was learned that while a good amount of blood found at the scene belonged to Cathy, some of it was not hers. Investigators believe during the struggle, Cathy’s attacker was injured. Aside from leaving behind a good amount of blood and a near perfect bloody fingerprint, Cathy’s murderer also left behind some other bizarre c

>Dick·en·si·an
>/dəˈkenzēən/
>adjective
>of or reminiscent of the novels of Charles Dickens, especially in suggesting the poor social conditions or comically repulsive characters that they portray. "the back streets of Dickensian London"

Think Tiny Tim in Dickens' A Christmas Carol.

Dark science fiction doesn't bother me, in fact I count BSG04, DS9, and the Expanse series among my favorite television shows, there is a lot of great, dark science fiction out in the wild that is well worth watching!

Star Trek Picard, however, wasn't that kind of dark, it was depressing to the point of being opressing.

• It wasn't enough that Picard wanted to go on one final mission, no, he had to be summarily dismissed from Starfleet, publicly humiliated, and given a ticking time bomb in his chest.

• It wasn't enough that Rios was a good pilot, no, he had to watch his beloved captain murder two people in cold blood before committing suicide.

• It wasn't enough that Rafi was a great tactical officer, no, she had to be brought down by Picard, have a drug addiction, alcohol dependency, and an estranged son.

• It wasn't enough that Agnes was a brilliant cyberneticist, no, she had to be a Romulan spy and murder her lover in the most painful way possible.

• It wasn't enough that Seven had an intimate understanding of the borg, no, she had to kill her adopted child while he screamed in pain after having his eyeball ripped out. (Also, and I don't know this sub's take on feminism or progressivism, but as someone who calls himself a feminist, it really did piss me off that they took Seven's story of coming to terms with her humanity, exploring love, discovering friendships, and chose to turn her into a stone-cold bad-ass emotionless people killer whose story arc culminated in a fucking 1990's style bitch fight. That's not empowerment, that's just another fucking stereotype!)

• It wasn't enough that Riker and Troi had a safe place for Picard to weather the storm, no, they had to lose their first born son to a brain infection.

• It wasn't enough that Dajh was a super advanced android, no, she had to get pissed on and kicked around so much that she comes inches from destroying all human life in the galaxy.

• And, not to be out done, it wasn't enough that Data was dead, or deactivated, or missing, no, he had to spend what must have felt like tens of thousands of years to him, alone, in an empty box, and w

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

The ground was freshly mown prior to training creating the striped, variegated looking surface reminding one of the MCG on Boxing Day. Water remained around the edges of the track and I noted a few players slipping during the course of the session. The sky was powder-blue, replete with cottony white clouds; the conditions were warm but tempered by a refreshing breeze.

There were reinforcements from Monday’s session as clearly some players had finished their isolation period, and/or had recovered from COVID. Those returning to the fray included Nick Daicos, Maynard, IQ, Cameron, Ruscoe, Kelly and McMahon. Players still not sighted post-Christmas are: Poulter, Ginnivan, Wilson, Murphy, Keane and Macrae. Notably Sidey who was present on Monday did not partake of today’s session, nor did Grundy and Brodie did express his misgivings regarding on the virus on social media during the past few days.

After the casual and spontaneous kick to kick which is often the precursor to the main event, the mini-hurdles and rope resistance activities at the car-park end, were on the menu as the warm-up exercises. It was a session characterised by a variety of drills, finishing in a relatively short match simulation, again compromised somewhat by some absent troops. Today throughout the various drills and activities there was a clear emphasis on putting into practice the strategies discussed at team meetings and the like as these were vocalised by the coach during each, reinforced and applauded when carried out with the military precision desired by the mentors.

Pendles and Checkers were fully integrated into the main group and participated in the whole of the main sessions. Ruscoe was confined to the sidelines. There was no visible injury (maybe he was slowly re-adapting to the rigours of training), and he mainly rode the stationary bike and handballed on the sidelines but was a roving commentator while the match sim was in progress alternating bellowing instructions and providing affirmation through praise. The first activity encompassed the whole ground and showcased groups of three which rotated through various points of the arena, but the focus as has been customary under the new coaching regime, was on fast ball movement. The cones marked the different areas for the groups. Pendles who moved exceptionally well today, constantly barked encouragement, reminding players to get their feet going. There were some coaches who were fitted out in blue today, in the middle putt

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

I've heard of people missing their mothers before, of course. I have heard it in real life, and in movies and shows. I expected it to be something I'd feel when I knew my mother was terminal from breast cancer. The reality is different, though. You expect to miss your loved ones, but you don't understand the how of missing them. It's been a week and it was a hard week, but I'm not sure I really missed my mom. It might have been because she was in the hospital for a while before, or it might have just been shock. I knew she was gone. I knew it was awful. Her passing was horrific and long and traumatic. But the last two days have just been filled with extreme loss, especially today. Yesterday was her funeral and the singer at the church was so beautiful. It was something we would have talked about. Today, several things happened that we would have talked about. Someone close to me told me I'd find her everywhere, and while that's not surprising, the reality of it is... I don't have an adjective. I can't find comfort in that, yet, nor can I find acceptance.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this. To vent, maybe. To ask for support or advice, more likely. My father wanted me to have the jewelry she wore at the wake, so now I wear her claddagh ring, but it feels more uncomfortable than comforting. And yet I can't not wear it. How can I put it in a box, in the dark, forgotten? Her almost brand new iPad and jewelry are left behind from a birthday and Christmas. What do I do with them? She loved her iPad. Reset it and use it? It feels so weird.

I had a very bad, very dramatic reaction to her passing, mostly because of the closeness of our relationship but partly because of the trauma of those final hours we sat with her-thirteen, to be exact- watching each breath, hoping they'd never end and praying they'd stop. Maybe that was my official freak out. Maybe I can be more sadly resigned now.

All I know is I missed/miss her tremendously today and I fear what tomorrow brings.

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Amy

Put it on my bill

But let me give it a shot.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

He’s the new temp.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.