I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”
“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.
(Retro) 19th-24th of June, 1949
There were few ways in which the mood in Belgium could get worse after Prime-Minister Paul-Henri Spaak came on the radio to announce the death of Regent Charles. Prince Charles had led the country in a triumphant march of reconstruction, healing and recovery after the liberation of the country just a few years back, becoming a symbol of the values and promises of post-war Belgians. Among these, the Grand Prix has become one of the outstanding showings of rebirth - and in the bitterest irony, the cause of his death. As his body was transported from Liège to Brussels, in the early hours of the 20th, a silent mist fell over the country. While some restricted secessionist and republican minorities rejoiced in their houses, the overall feeling was of deep grief, hardly any way to worsen it.
However, when no one believed it to be possible, one man stood to the job. Making true of his previous declaration, exiled King Leopold III seems to have sneaked into the country, even after the reaffirmation of his exile by the authorities. Be it in an attempt to strong-arm Brussels in this moment of crisis, be it to be by the side of his brother, the King was first spotted in the 20th in Liège, seemingly unaware that Prince Charles had already died.
The King, however, had no time for grieving, as his resurface in the Wallonian city generated an unexpected level of backlash. First recognized by a passerby, Leopold was quickly surrounded by a mob, calling him such things as “traitor!” and “hitler’s best buddy!”. The situation quickly spiralled out of control of both Leopold and the authorities, leading to him taking refuge in a local Benedictine monastery, surrounded by the aggressive crowd.
The situation has since intensified. André Renard, leader of the local chapter of the General Labour Federation of Belgium, has called for a General Strike across the country in response to the illegal return of the King. While the response was disappointing, most likely for the recent death of the prince, it was enough to seriously harm economic capacity and the movement of people in all of Wallonia’s major urban centers.
The exceptions were Liège and Brussels, where grand movements have taken hold, effectively paralyzing the economic activities. Liège, in particular, has become the epicentre of the movement, as crowds gather around the Monastery to protest against the King. While there is consensus in the demand for his resignation, proteste
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(I will see myself out)
The doctor says it terminal.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
He lost May
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.
Gender is fluid.
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
But let me give it a shot.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
He’s the new temp.
Palace of Laeken - February 5th, 1949
Charles put his head into his hands.
"...and the Americans are rescinding our military aid. Instead, it will be transferred into economic aid," Prime Minister Spaak finished.
There was a quiet murmur around the room.
"It's over Spain," one of them chimed in. "Their new president detests Franco."
This set off a chorus of hisses and disagreement around the room. The decision to cooperate with Spain internationally had not been one universally supported within the government itself, and tensions on that issue always came to a head whenever it was brought up. Charles sighed deeply.
It took a moment for him to realize Spaak, and the rest of the ministers, were looking at him inquisitively. He glanced around the room before slowly getting to his feet.
"We cannot kowtow to the Americans," he stated. "Not that it is likely to do us any good, at any rate. Our decision is in the past - we must deal with the ramifications now."
"If they draw down the military aid, the troops probably aren't far behind," the War Minister stated. Charles waved his hand dismissively.
"The new Security agreement should see to that matter. Anyway, it's not as if the French are going to roll across the border."
"Do we know that?" one of the Ministers chimed in. Charles glanced at his ministers. Their faces were a collection of concern, fear, and determination.
"Perhaps we should talk to the British again," Charles continued. "If the Americans leave us withering on the vine, there's little else we can do."
He looked out the window again, at the grounds of the palace. He was full of doubt - but he was sure he wasn't going to surrender his country, as his brother did.
To be continued...
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
Amy
Put it on my bill
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
Palace of Laekan - May 31st, 1947
"Come to my assistance, brother," the Minister finished. "My hope rests in your good judgement and faith in the monarchy to return me to my rightful throne." Prince Charles, Regent looked peeved as the letter was put on the table aside his midday meal.
"He expects us to bring him back," Prime Minister Spaak said. He had only been in office a few months; the last year had been a hectic one for the Belgian socialist party, seeing four different individuals in five different premierships (Spaak had been elected twice). "Pierlot will have a fit if this gets to him."
"His desperation must be growing," Eyskens, the Finance Minister, stated. "He expects us to reach out to the British and demand his release. He expects us to threaten to use force, he practically outright stated it."
"He's gone in the head," another Minister chimed in.
"Enough," the Regent raised his hand for calm. "I will not hear abuse of my brother in these rooms."
Charles sat back in his seat and contemplated his meal. He was a recluse, and being thrown into the regency at this heady time in Belgian politics was the last thing that he wanted. He was here, though, and his brother was proving to be an even greater issue than he had originally thought. Some part of him wished that Leopold could just fade into the background like so much of the rest of the European aristocracy had during the war. If only he could enjoy his retirement abroad, and not send us so many lines asking for the same thing.
"What of the referendum?" the Interior Minister Vermeylen asked. "We -"
"We can hardly afford to conduct that right now," Eyskens cut in. "We've only just begun to run the trains and buses on the old schedules again. The election turnouts have been all over the place. If we conduct a referendum now, the Wallonian press will declare it illegitimate, the foreigners will laugh at us. And who knows about the French and the Germans.
"We have too much to deal with as it is," he continued, "what with these automobile races we're insisting upon." He shot a glance at Vermeylen.
"The Grand Prix will show the world we are recovering. Let us not show our divisions now," Vermeylen stated. "Let this not concern us, your highness. Not now, anyway. We must get to the arrangements for your box at the race."
To be continued...
Calcium, nickel, neon
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
... olive skin, green eyes, snakes for hair.
But I had to break it off with her because she was constantly objectifying me.
