Two guys walk into a bar. One was playing Fortnite Chapter 2.

The other one didn’t have a girlfriend either.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluejeanspiano
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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Do you know how the guy went bankrupt?

No! Well he was reading a book on how to get rich and then he went to chapter 11.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DudeWithRedditAcc
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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I️ just read a book about Stockholm syndrome

The first couple chapters were awful but by the end I️ loved it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cochini123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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An unbridled masterpiece of a horse pun to one of my students this morning. It's a long setup, but dads will appreciate it. This one really happened as written.

So, I'm a Spanish professor, and I gave a final exam this morning. One of the last parts was that students had to write a paragraph using reflexive verbs in which they describe their daily routine. Since the class only had nine students in it, I told them that if they wanted to wait, I would grade their exams for them and tell them their class grade.

It was an open-book final exam (11 pages long), so I was in my office, and a graduating senior finished first and gave me her exam. When I got to her paragraph, I saw that she had written in Spanish that every day she woke up, got up, took a shower, got dressed, brushed her teeth, ate breakfast, and then she and her friend Emmy went horseback riding. Now, I knew that she didn't go horseback riding, ever, but that it was vocabulary from the previous chapter. The following conversation ensued:

Me: Horseback riding? Really?
Her: Yep!
Me: Every day?
Her: Yep!
Me: Every single day?
Her: SΓ­, SeΓ±or.
Me: I guess you could call it a stable routine then.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wuapinmon
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
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I found a global group for people named Paige.

There are around 100 Paige's in my local chapter.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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Dadjoked by a math textbook.

This is just in the middle of a chapter and isn't even acknowledged by the surrounding passages. It's pretty baaad if you ask me. But really, thanks to this picture I will never forget what a shear transformation does.

Textbook is Linear Algebra and Its Applications by David C. Lay, since for some reason I feel like I should probably cite it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tananda7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2014
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Why is the last chapter in a chemistry textbook about benzene?

Because it's the PHENYL CHAPTER :D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marslettuce
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2015
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Girlfriend was tired of large words

My girlfriend and I were driving for a long while and under my coercion she was reading Dune to me. After the first chapter she grew rather tired of the amount of large words mixed in with made-up sci-fi words. She demanded that she be exempt from large words for the test of the day. I replied, "So I guess defenestration is out the window."

She hit me. A lot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plax77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2016
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Got my boss today

My boss recently published his first book and said "Things have been a lot different since my book has been released", to which I responded "sounds like you are starting a new chapter in your life."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/torpeydoh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2014
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On the weekend at Chapters

Chapters is a book store up here in Canada. A checkout line just opened so we were the first in the line. After paying, the receipt was taking a while to print. The cashier remarked "it's the first printing" to which I replied "ooh those are normally worth more!"

The cashier didn't know what to say and my wife rolled her eyes so hard it looked like she was going to have a stroke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oueleric1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2016
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Do you have fifty cents?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dedtired
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2015
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Chemistry puns

My chemistry teacher loves making puns at every chance she gets, so she always comes up with interesting names for the chapters we learn.

Ch 1 & 3: What's the matter? (The chapter was obviously about matter)

Ch 4: Speaking periodically (about the periodic table)

Ch 5 & 6: Bond, chemical bond (about chemical bonds)

Ch 7: Holey Moley! (about converting measurements to moles)

Ch 8: My chemical reaction (about chemical reactions)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/meganjoella
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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Dadjoked my friend today

Him: "hey do you know the band The Story So Far?" Me: "no, I only read the first few chapters."

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2015
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Daughter is complicit

Daughter (9) reading book "Am I normal", chapter - "What do you call your male parent?"

Me: So, what do you call me?

Daughter: Father?

Me (walking a little distance way): What do you call me?

Daughter (Shouting a little louder): Father?

(Repeat a few times until Mom says "Enough you guys")

She actually calls me Dad, but that would have ruined the joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BXCellent
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2014
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Girlfriend rests after studying, inner dad makes an appearance

Girlfriend: I just finished reading a really thick chapter of copyright law. Let me take a break It was really heavy.

Me: Do you need a lighter?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeemchan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2014
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