This just happened like 2 minutes ago and my dad is creased at himself

My mam saw a channel on the telly called the Deja Vu channel so she asked my dad what it was.

He replied with β€˜I’m not sure but I swear I’ve seen it before’

He’s now pissing himself laughing and mam doesn’t get it

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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This Sacramento comedy show is basically a pun-themed rap battle

A few years ago, we started a show that I quite frankly never thought would work.

Nearly four years later, including two sold out appearances at San Francisco Sketchfest and a local TV featurette, our show "Capitol PUNishment" is now streaming on Twitch Friday night at 8:30pm PST.

I hope it's ok to post this in here. If not, feel free to remove with no hard feelings. Just encouraging pun lovers to check out what is best described as "a fast-paced, in-the-moment spectacle that combines everything you love about gameshows, rap-battles, and "dad" jokes, into a unique and hilarious competitive format."

Our channel is twitch.tv/capitolpuns
Here's a little video to help paint the picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RE9PgmfXo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/capitolpuns
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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And then the fight started…

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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You know what our founding fathers called a pandemic?

Wednesday

Sorry watching history channel. Son didn’t think it was funny either.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IlikeYuengling
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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Did you hear? Since COVID-19 has everyone is stuck at home, and sports networks need content, they've decided to televise competitive bathroom sports.

It'll be on the channel E. S. Peein.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Howardyoudoing95
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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I've started a new competitive pun gameshow podcast entitled 'Punnit' and I'm looking for contestants! First two episodes in the comments.

'Punnit' is hosted by myself and played over three rounds. The first two rounds consist of one category (say, Musical Genres & Ailments), with each contestant going in turn and giving their best 5 entries. Such as, HIVy Metal, Honky Tonksillitis, Indiegestion etc.

These two categories are known about a week or so prior so everyone can bring their best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) but the third round is entirely on the spot, with the entrants shouting out whatever they can think of for a category. One of the recent being American Presidents & American States, with OklaBama winning that one.

It's all very much in the early stages but I would appreciate both feedback on the format and people getting in touch if they wanna duke it out.

Here are the episodes: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKJOzYgG9MW7CQHAZQahiqw/videos

Follow us too @thepunpodcast

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PattersonHoodlum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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What's the difference between a colorful women's garment and a famous live music venue?

One's a house of blues, the other's a blouse of hues

Shamelessly stolen from @techconnectify on Twitter and YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy0tKL1T7wFoYcxCe0xjN6Q)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billdanbury
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
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What's longer than forever?

Fivever.


Thanks for all the upvotes! This is an original, so thanks to you guys I'm quitting my job and leaving my family to pursue a career in comedy! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy234H5YDlFASQfx6mLWLg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/k-smackerel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2015
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I created a YouTube channel where I (soflty) use my dog as a percussive instrument.

The channel is called "Heavy Petting."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fckmeelmo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
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So my son asked me about radioactivity.

I said to him:

Other than a few news channels the only thing on their is music.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fulback
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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The dad in you is strong

Son: We’re in Walgreens so Mal can get eye drops and some girl goes, β€œAre you finding everything okay?” So I pull a dad and go, β€œYou guys have β€˜everything’? Where’s your Meaning Of Life?”

She calmly responded, β€œYou won’t find that in Vegas.”

Dad: It's "I wasnt looking for everything". But your quip was fair. You need more practice. Keep trying.

Son: No kids yet, so I can’t channel the arcane magic

Dad: You will always carry your inner dad. The dad is strong with you my young dadawan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wuzamatterforyou
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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Did you hear about the new TV station focusing on Oceanography and Linguistics?

It's called the English Channel

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
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(Request) Need a good pun name for a YouTube show.

Greeting punny people, I require your services to name an upcoming show on my YouTube channel.

The show will be about my first impressions on indie games that have been provided to me by developers. I need a humorous name that includes the word "indie" somehow.

Example: I have another show where I cover games over on Itch.io that I call "Scratching The Itch.io".

Thou shalt be credited for the name during the first episode.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patty-Jack
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2017
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[REQUEST] Help me name my TV show.

I'm in the process of getting a show on the local public access channel started. It's going to be a weekly recording studio session that showcases local bands. Most of the paperwork is done, I just need a snappy title. The best I can come up with is "The Here Canal," but I think /r/puns can do better!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wkuechen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2013
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What did the television do at the beach?

Channel surf!

Courtesy of my 6 y/o

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BloodyDaft
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
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Dad just pulled this one

My dad was watching the weather channel in one room and my mom was in another one. The weatherman was a Russian names Rudolph. My dad yelled to my mom, "Hey honey, I think it's gonna rain tomorrow!" To which she replied "How do you know that?" He said, "I'm watching the weather channel and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/carsonrocks1489
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2013
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When you put a shell to your ear you can hear the ocean

I think I'm just hearing in between channels

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AidanOnEverything
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
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[Request] Need puntastic suggestions related to flail!

Hi punterific people!

I'm a YouTuber that loves puns and use puns regularly in my videos when I play games. I'm having some new graphics donr for my channel and I want to change my 'saying' to reflect the punny part of... Well.. Me :)

The new art depicts my avatar (Game kNight) weilding a shield and a flail - and I want the saying to reflect something in that regard. I persistently play games to win (as if anyone did otherwise) and don't like failing (like most other gamers?);

Thoughts up until now: Flailure is not an option - for me! (but for the enemies I face is implied) Flailing is an option (because facing me will get you flailed) I will not flail you!

Hope you can help me out!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadewarp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2017
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Dad: "watched a great documentary about Panama last night"

Son: "interesting, which channel?"

Dad: "Panama"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simbaofsweden
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
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I also got dadjoked by my son this week. Twice. He's 12.

1st - "Hey dad, how come nobody can come up with a good, stable news channel on tv?"

"What do you mean?"

"Every one you watch say their news is breaking!"


2nd - We were having dinner and my 15 year old mentioned that something or other 'really sucked!'

The 12 year old responded with "not really, that doesn't really suck, you know what does?"

... silence

"A vacuum cleaner, that really sucks!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FerretFarm
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2015
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Looking for help with a punny channel name

Hi I'm an artist and i want to start a youtube channel with timelapses of my art! Since i mainly draw videogame characters i thought it would be a good idea to have a pun of something about art/drawing/illustration and video games. If anyone has a suggestion I'd love to hear! Thank you!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ClydeDunbar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2015
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French dadjoke that stumped Will Shortz on NPR

Heard this one on the radio during the Sunday Puzzle segment on NPR's Weekend America yesterday. A grandfatherly contestant on the program (named GΓ©rard) asked this riddle of NYTimes puzzlemaster and Yale enigmatologist Will Shortz:

"Two cats are competing to see who would win in a race swimming across the English Channel. The cats' names are One-Two-Three Cat and Un-Deux-Trois Cat. Who won?"

Shortz was stumped. The contestant answered the riddle saying:

"The English cat, One-Two-Three Cat won because Un-Deux-Trois-Quatre-Cinq."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bachrock37
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2014
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My husband still loves me...even after one of my worst ones...

We were driving to a friend's house for "game day". We live in Phoenix...we have flora that doesn't like living..because..it is Phoenix.As we were driving, we passed a huge palm tree on its last root (leg) of life in the median of the road. It is literally being held up by a few 2x4's. I look at my husband with the saddest look I can muster before I say "Babe, did you see that poor palm?". Husband says, "Oh yea, that big, dead-looking ones with the boards?". I respond, "Yea, sweetie, we should say a prayer. The poor thing is on LEAF support". He was not amused...I, however, giggle every other Saturday when we pass the tree to game day. Also, please don't worry about the tree. Now that Phoenix has made it through a hot summer, I bet after winter it will just spring back to life...assuming it doesn't fall. Lastly, sorry I'm not a dad or no actually dad said it...but I was channeling that inner dad when it happened! If I need to move this post it is okay!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sh2nn0n
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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[META] A plea for real dad jokes.

EDIT: I somehow JUST saw the Mod Sticky post from last week, where a lot of users have expressed similar sentiments to these. I apologize to the mods if this is not appropriate and respect your decision if you want to delete it. I just wanted to see if people were thinking the same kind of thing. Still, read it if ya like.

It used to be that /r/dadjokes was a place to post actual stories of real dad humor. 'My dad pulled out this groaner at dinner.' 'Just became a dad...I think I get it now!' These are the things that warm my heart and tickle my corny bone. And I don't think I'm alone.

Now, we're arrogant enough to think we know the formula for dad humor, so we can post anything reminiscent of it, and it counts as a dad joke. It's as if we think we own dad humor now, and we can bend it and shape it at will.

Let me tell you, folks. WE DO NOT OWN DAD HUMOR.

Even the dads among us don't own it. I think the universe just channels it through them in brilliant, glorious, involuntary sneezes. Some are more deft than others, and are seen by the universe as more worthy outlets. But they do not own it.

We can get close to elusive heart of dad humor, we can approach it, we can dance around it...but we can never touch it. This is where I take issue with posts like this one, which currently has over 4000 upvotes and 2000 net karma. Is it reminiscent of dad-like punly-ness? Would a dad chortle heartily at reading it? Yes, almost certainly yes. But does that make it a dad joke? No...I would argue not.

Dad jokes are also not just about the jokes themselves. They're about the response--that he manages to be surprised at his own genius, even on the eightieth repetition. They're about the face-palms and straight stares of family members. What is a dad joke without context?

My proposed solution: ban link/image posts. I wish it wouldn't have to come to that, but I can't see another way to get back on track to the real goal here. I have hover zoom--I understand the desire for instant gratification. I've skipped over interesting looking videos because they required a click.

But that's not why I come here.

I understand that there are legitimate dad jokes transmitted via text, or perhaps requiring a bit of visual context. At this point, though, I think they are a necessary sacrifice for a righteous cause. They can always be transcribed into text, or included in a self-post. Maybe it seems a bit extreme, especially in the face

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlapYourHands
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2013
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How to make a Teamspeak server groan

One evening, I was on Teamspeak talking with a few people I know; one of them being a German guy called Willi.

He's gone away from the keyboard for a few minutes and someone asks where he is. A friend of his jokes that he's probably jerking off to porn.

To which I replied "Are you trying to tell me he's playing with his Willi?"

Cue groans from the entire channel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2017
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I got my wife with this one.

Wife: The ION Channel disappeared from our cable lineup. Now I can't watch Law & Order marathons as easily.

Me: I see this deIONization has left you salty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wuapinmon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2016
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Dog Food

I'm helping with dinner in the kitchen when a dog food commercial comes on. It was literally a 5 minute long ad telling about how generic dog food wasn't good for your dog and how I should buy their product. I'm scrubbing a dish, shaking my head, silently hoping someone changes the channel to something more entertaining and my dad looks up and exclaims "I don't know what the hell they're talking about!" I quickly look over at him waiting to hear his rationale over why he's so upset. He looks back slyly and says, "...tastes fine to me." I died laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pwise1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2013
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Two Cats swimming the English Channel

Two Cats swimming the English Channel to France, one was called One Two Three and the other Un Deux Trois

which cat made it?

One Two Three because Un deux trois Cat Sank

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aontroim
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2015
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On FaceTime with my girlfriend before the ball drop

She realized it was 11:59, and grabbed her remote trying to find the channel the ball drop is on. She failed to do so, and I made my best disappointed sigh and told her "Wow babe you really dropped the ball".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnJaysOnMyFeet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
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You know who's really been crushing it lately?

The Hydraulic Press Channel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jerkstore_84
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2016
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At work, I was talking about the Weather Channel

Coworker: you're the weather channel

Me: you're right.... my name isn't 'Not_Mr_Manager', it's always been 'the weather channel'. It was all just... a front.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Not_Mr_Manager
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2016
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Discovery channel dad joke

So we were watching the discovery channel and a short segment on whales comes on. During the ad break I yawn really loudly and explain that I'm just making whale noises. It's at this moment that my dad says "well you're doing very whale then!"

...

God dammit dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boomerangblom
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2014
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Blonde Jokes for Top Dog - YMH 358

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SFZyh7GdTo&ab_channel=YourMomsHousePodcast

Some of the best blonde jokes from comedian Tom Segura's dad. Definitely worth the 10 minutes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eebsamk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2016
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Dadjoked my dad today while watching TV.

Dad: Now, that is a pretty woman.

Me: But, Dad, she's cross-eyed.

Dad: Oh, well, I can look past that.

Me: I'm sure she does too.

He groaned, laughed and changed channels. Great success!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MuizZ_018
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2015
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Just another TV night with dad

Watching Bounce (a tv channel similar to BET) with my dad. I hand the remote to my dad because I'm going up to my room. Dad: what, you don't want to watch the black movie that's about to come on? Me: dad, it's The Hulk Dad: So? It's still about a person of color

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keyboardcomrade
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2014
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My wife threw something at me for this one

Let me set the seen.

We are watching tv a channel in the UK called True Entertainment.

From the TV "Up next on True Entertainment, 'Amnesia part 2'"

I turn to my wife and ask "what was part one about I forgot"

My wife shrugged and said "I don't...." followed by a groan

She then asks if she can change the channel or do I want to watch Amnesia.

I respond with "change it I will just forget what the show is about"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBeanpod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2014
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Mom got me while watching news

Its been exceptionally windy today, so windy that it blew over one of our plant pots and broke it. The local news channel was discussing it. Then my mom quipped "Why aren't they in front of our house? We have breaking news right here!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neozan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2015
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Wife bought this deli crab salad and this was my response.

Little bit of context to start out. Had just dadjoked my wife mere seconds earlier about me being nervous to turn on the baby monitor since it is displaying c4 for channel 4 and the relation between explosives, what not etc. (you see where that was going)

Anyways, now that her guard is down (I don't think she was expecting a twofer) I pulled out this weird deli crab salad concoction she had just bought at the store, showed it to her and said with a look of disgust on my face, (she knows I don't like the stuff)

Me: "Seriously though, I just have one question for you."

Her: "I know you don't like the stuff I just got enough for me it was on a good sale!"

Me: "What the crab is this?"

Those precious few milliseconds where her expression transitions from confused to eye roll is my favorite part.

(Yes these jokes were all shamelessly planned)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tokyo0709
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2015
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I work in an elective orthopaedic operating theatre

Mostly doing hip and knee replacements.

On a regular basis, someone will point to the X-ray screen and say: "will someone change the channel? I've seen this episode before"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/machschau
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2015
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Hail joke

Referring to the news channel's explanation of the tornado warning in Sacramento, CA, my dad yelled sarcastically from downstairs:

"Half dollar sized hail!...how much does a piece of hail cost?!"

I could practically hear the look on his face when I didn't respond.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/michigander47
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2014
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My dad's brilliant macabre one liner

So my dad was talking to an acquaintance of ours, who is a landlord. My dad's acquaintance said he went in to check on one of his tenants and found him dead in his Lay-Z-Boy watching TV, remote still in hand and T.V still running. My dad's response on hearing this bit of news "Welp, I bet he wasn't watching the Life Channel"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deutschbag17
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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Sitting at the train station bar right now...

And the bartender asks these two old guys, across from me, "Is it okay if I change this TV right now?" (Meaning she was changing the channel)

The one says, "Yeah! Is the new one gonna be a 62 or 70 inch?"

Dad joking strangers? Especially when I'm drunk? All my yes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohrubytuesday
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2014
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Dad joked my friend last night

We were watching tv at his house and wanted to change the channel, but we couldn't find the remote for the cable box. The only remote we found was for the tv, which was on a table.

Conversation went:

Friend: "Anyone know where the cable remote is?"

Other friend: "No. There should be one remote that does everything. We have too many remotes."

Me: "Well, right now we only have one many remotes."

Everyone in the room starts shaking their heads.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JanitorOfSanDiego
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2014
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My Dad Just Pulled This One

So, my Dad and I were sitting down flipping through channels on our t.v. when we passed by a NASCAR race, which prompted my Dad to strike.

Dad: Hey LoadedBurrito, how do you lose a redneck in a car chase?

Me: How?

Dad: Turn right!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/loadedburrito
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2014
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Dad: Come down here and scrape my car off!

Me: Be right down, I'm reading reddit.

Dad: What's taking so long? It's only 6 letters.

Source.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dthnider_RotMG
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2014
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The Dyson Show - dad joke goldmine?

Apparently this guy's YouTube channel is 100s of videos of dad jokes: http://youtu.be/jfC04AAnAb4

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yneos
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2014
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Dad in the car

Our car radio uses buttons that say "Seek" to change the channel.

We were driving along and my mum asked how to change the channel, I told her to press the "Seek" button. My dad said "Why would you press that? All you'd get is Punjabi nonsese."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sully97
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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What tv channel does a Nazi hate most

The English Channel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theeasyjakeoven
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2017
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Two cats, One Two Three and Un Deux Trois have a race across the English Channel. Who won?

Two cats, One Two Three and Un Deux Trois have a race across the English Channel. Who won? One Two Three, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq!

Told by my physics teacher, who is a dad himself.

PS: If you don't know French numbers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaredjeya
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2014
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