What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a hole?

Phil

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rumblebully
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2021
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Did you know Bruce Lee has a faster older brother?

Sudden Lee

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Available_Reindeer32
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2021
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DAD JOKES ARE NOT DIRTY.

Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.

If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.

Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???

Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.

Thank you,

A Dad.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Von_Bostaph
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 18 2021
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I'd ruther not say
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 01 2021
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Rational
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mainhoonmadrasi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2021
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My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns.

Well, toucan play at that game.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Zayan-ali
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2021
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There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther

Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.

They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.

I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jzagri
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2021
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If Apple made a car what would it be missing?

Windows

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Moplex1234
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2021
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My 3 yr old daughter made her first pun today and I almost cried. She was eating an apple and I asked her if she liked apples.

She said apple-lutely

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Available_Reindeer32
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2021
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"ground" the kid
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/freakynit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 03 2021
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What did the left eye say to the right eye when they got married?

'Eye-do'

This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.

The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!

Cred once again my sis wants credit lol

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tieyz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2021
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Proud dad moment.

Keep in mind, my son is 4 years old, so everything is an original to him.

I had to work late into the evening yesterday, and he was just going to bed when I got home. I had left home for the office nearly 14 hours prior, had a long day, lots of meetings, traffic, etc.

When I walked through the door, I was exhausted, run down, and starving. My wife hugged me and asked how my day was, and I replied, "Done. It was a good day, but has got me exhausted. I just want to grab a bite and go to bed. I'm hungry."

From my son's bedroom, I hear him shout, "Hi Hungry! Nice to meet you!"

Not only did it make me laugh, but I completely forgot about how hungry and tired I was. I went to his bedroom, and we laughed together about it. It was exactly what I needed.

Edit: Thanks for all the awards, kind strangers! I'll let my son know y'all enjoyed his joke too!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LaBarbaGuapa
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 01 2021
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What was a very common name in the middle ages?

I heard parents named their children lance a lot.

First post please don't kill me

Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/give_me_my_identity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2021
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Apologies if it's a bit corn-y
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mediashiznaks
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2021
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Gottemm
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2021
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What pan is the best to make sushi in?

Japan.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Most-Stomach4240
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 01 2021
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so many choices
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SailorNebula
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 07 2021
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He knows too much
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Potato_salad123
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2021
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Well that didn't cross my mind
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JasonPetreasCoach
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11 2021
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I've just deleted all the German names off my pre owned iPhone..

it's Hans free now..

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2021
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where do pirates get their hooks?

second hand stores!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bigus-_-dickus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2021
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I've spent all morning trying to think of a quality pun, just to come up with THIS otter rubbish.
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2021
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My 6 year old wanted me to share his joke with you all. What is a horses favorite store?

Old Neeeeiiiiighvy

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WantedDadorAlive
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2021
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3.14159265387279 snek
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/After-Satisfaction-3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2021
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Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theimmortalmeluhan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2021
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How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buck-an-ear!

I Thank ye kind Matey for the booty! I be truly overwhelmed! Thank you!

Holy cow! Thank you everyone for the upvotes and awards! I wasn’t expecting this!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/motherduck5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2021
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Rock bottom
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Theo19555
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2021
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My Son Ate a Bunch of Scrabble Tiles. My Wife is Scared but I'm not...

He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hypeaze
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2021
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I never really understood why it was spelled: camouflage

and not:

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/professorf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 01 2021
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Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $3.00

Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:

Riceless

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Available_Reindeer32
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2021
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I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today." Concerned, she asked, "Which doctor?"

"No, the regular kind!" I laughed.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 03 2021
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Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"

That was the punchline

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Available_Reindeer32
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2021
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I threw up in the toilet
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/exotic_butters1275
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2021
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My Mexican friend takes anti-anxiety medication

It’s for Hispanic attacks

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/monolocomotive
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 01 2021
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Hot
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AlexxFruit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2021
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Saw this on insta @PunHubOnline
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Haidi7
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2021
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Had a good chuckle
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LittleBigOwl
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2021
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Today on a walk my son was asking about a bunch of plants and stuff, he pointed to one and I said it was a fungi.

Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"

I did not know.

So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"

So proud.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2021
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What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Available_Reindeer32
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2021
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At what point does it stop being grave robbing and start being archaeology?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Unholy_Jer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2021
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So my dad just died because he needed blood and we didn’t know his blood type.

He was so brave and even tried to encourage us, the family around him, with his last breaths. He kept whispering to us to Be Positive.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BritishTeeth11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 14 2021
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The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, β€œI’ve just done a silent fart. What should I do?”

He said, β€œChange the batteries in your hearing aid”.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BritishTeeth11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 19 2021
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Air and space museum
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/romroming
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 01 2021
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I have been asking everyone what LGBTQ is?

So far no one has given me a straight answer.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/awesumit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2021
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My wife told me to pick up 8 cans of soda on my way home from work

She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/eamonn_russell
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2021
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Oh the tangled web we weave ...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2021
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What is your favourite breakfast food?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FabricioPezoa
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2021
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Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '

Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2021
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Movie Mashup.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2021
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