Cascalho Rico Puns

Pois é, vizinho sem noção é uma praga dos infernos.

Aqui na casa a vizinha dividiu a casa dela em três... Uma p/ um filho, outra p/ outro filho e a dela, ou seja, a casa conta com

Filho 1, esposa 1, duas crianças;

Filho 2, esposa 2, uma criança, um cachorro;

Mãe + cachorro de bolsa.

Meu amigo, dizem que Jesus vai voltar e vai levar os de bem com ele... Ele já veio e me deixou pra trás, pois eu estou no inferno ao lado do capeta e dos demônios dele.

A mulher não sabe falar baixo PQP COMO QUE VC CONSEGUE FALAR DESSE JEITO DESGRAÇADA? Ela grita pra tudo... A COMIDA ESTÁ PRONTA... PEGA ÁGUA PRA MIM... TEM FEIJÃO NA PANELA... sem contar o choro dos filho deles, parece que a criança é maltrada pq é um escândalo o choro dela. Já pensei em denunciar no conselho tutelar, mas não tenho provas de nada.

Além disso, é uma música alta da porra, um forró, um funk de merda / hoje eu odeio qualquer coisa que tenha barões da pisadinha. Só de ter esse nome "pisadinha" eu já tenho vontade de dar socão na cara.

Queria ganhar na mega sena. A primeira coisa que ia fazer era comprar essa casa e DEMOLIR ELA TODA , NÃO IA SOBRA UM CASCALHO DESSES ARROMBADO DO MEU LADO.

E outra ein, os arrombado acha que nós temos inveja deles. Oi? Como? Inveja do que, sua piranha?? Meu computador compra seus dois carros, vagabu nda.

EU SÓ QUERO DOMIR, só um pouco de paz no domingo só isso. É só falar mais baixo e diminuir a volume da música.

FALA BAIXO e segue sua vida aí.

Olha, eu sei que não serei rico em minha vida mas eu tô fazendo de tudo pra ganhar dinheiro e sumir desse lugar com esse tipo de gente. Talvez sumir desse país onde a maioria das pessoas são assim SEM NOÇÃO E FOLGADAS.

Infelizmente agressão não é uma opção, mas vontade não falta viu.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

It was about a weak back.

Bob

Just to clarify, 12345678

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

But nobody ever mentions his sister, Onya, who invented the starter pistol.