My 9 yo daughter dropped this one on me today (sorry if repost): what do you call a hotdog that isn’t hot anymore?
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
I ran into the office this morning and switched the m and n keys on as many keyboards as I could. Some might call me a monster but
The rest are definitely goimg to call ne a nomster.
Hey guys. There's a grocery store on my left, a few cars, some people going for lunch, I see a bunch of carts or trolleys, whatever you call them. Please just think about me.
I'm going through a lot right now.
I had to call IT support because of a tech issue on my laptop. The guy asked me "Have you ever tried disabling cookies" ?
I said, "Ehh..well, one time I did bite the legs off a gingerbread man"..
I had a dad’s moment yesterday during the zoom call with my two bosses who questioned me for poor progress of the project I’m working on.
- I hope you understand the amount of trouble you’re in?
- I do Jeff, and please don’t call me urine.
I once had a dyslexic chemist call me out on my bullshit.
He called me a hypochlorite.
My friends call me weird, but on the other hand,
My son told me to call him Judith from now on. I told him to call me See Through
Because I’m trans parent.
As I got on the 51st floor, the elevator attendant said "see you later, son". I said indignantly, "don't call me 'son', you're not my dad!"
... To which the lift attendant replied, "Maybe not, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
Me and the boys on Call of Duty
Me: Hey [friends name] What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
My friend: If you say an addictionary, I’m gonna punch you in the face.
Me: I was gonna say high definition, but yours even better!
Woman on the floor: help! Someone call me an ambulance
My new boss told me that he expects me to be on call 24/7...
but I don't really mind as the 24th of July is ages away
During my trip to Madrid I was staying at this small motel when I grew pretty ill. Thankfully the people at the front desk sent the on call doctor over and he was able to fix me up real quick. I told him I didn't expect such a small place to have such a good doctor, to which he told me
Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Physician
You can call me cheese on pasta
I saw a man collapse on the pavement and clutch his chest. He begged me to call him a doctor.
So I said: "You're a doctor."
Call me abacus, because you can count on me.
In the bedroom, you can call me a mischievous seafaring Trojan on a quest
Because I like to get Argonaughty
My Dad just did this to me on a Skype call.
So me and my Dad were skyping as I live in Canada when he pulls this on me
Me: So I am going to be making Ham and Scalloped potatoes tonight
Dad: Oh yea, thats nice
Me: Yup, Ham seems to be going cheap right now so I picked up a nice one.
Dad: What the hell is wrong with your pigs over there. In England its usually the birds that go cheep cheep and the pigs go oink.
Me: Dad, you have problems.
Dad: What you talking about, you're the one with the clucking pigs I think your situation is a tad worse then mine.
Me: sigh You're hopeless.
Choking on food and hardly able to breathe, I scream, "Someone, call me a doctor!"
Dad replies from the other room, "Are you sure son?!"
I say, "Yes, I'm choking!"
Dad: "If you say so. You're a doctor!"
My grandpa used to pull this one on me, so I guess you could call it the "Grandad of Dad Jokes"
Me- "I'm Thirsty"
Grandad - "Hi Thirsty, I'm Friday, wanna get together Saturday and have a sundae"
God, I miss that man.
First time submitter...dad dropped this on me today. "What do you call a sleepwalking nun?"
"A roamin' catholic."
Dohohoho
My gf used to call me on my cellphone.
That's the weirdest nickname I've ever had.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
As I got on the 51st floor, the elevator attendant said ''see you later, son I said indignantly, ''don't call me 'son' you're not my dad!''
To which the lift attendant replied:
"Maybe not, but I brought you up
didn't l?"
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