A list of puns related to "Business Information"
A little bit of Background information: When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner. Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion! He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really. However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business. The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this! My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.
Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago. I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency. Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.
After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his. At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed. He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement, his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these. I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.
So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there. Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job! Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month! At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life. You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you" I never realized how freeing it
... keep reading on reddit ➡I broke my nose in a really stupid horse-related accident in Montana.
Dad takes me to the local walk-in clinic. It's mostly empty, as it's around 7pm. As we're giving the insurance information and whatnot to the receptionist, Dad is busy doing that thing where he's texting without his cheaters so he's having to squint and hold the phone away and he's really not paying attention to some question the receptionist is asking...
So I whack him on the arm (with a towel held to my face) and say "Dad, pay attention."
Unblinking, he turns in my direction, without even looking directly at me, he mutters "Shut up, or I'll hit you again."
The receptionist was not pleased. He told the same joke to the doctor who stitched me up, and he laughed his ass off.
Actually, dad cracked so many jokes that the doctor kept having to pause while stitching up my nose. He took so long that the anesthetic wore off and I could definitely feel the last few stitches.
Dr: "Now sir, the stitches are going to cause your daughter's nose to swell quite a bit." Dad: "EVEN BIGGER!? That's amazing!"
Me: "Shut up Dad". Dad: (pinching his nose, speaking nasally) "Shut up Dad".
Unamused 18 year old daughter.
Hello ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
I've been very busy with personal stuff for the past few weeks, so I've let this subreddit drift unattended. Reading some of the reports and comments after coming back makes me realize that my absence led to some unwanted events happening!
Let's start with the fun stuff: We now have a new fancy rulebook! If you suspect a post of breaking these rules, feel free to report it in the relevant category, or use (8) other if you suspect it to slip through the cracks of one of the other rules.
Secondly, as of right now, we do not have an explicit rule forbidding inflammatory subjects like race, politics, etc, as the rest of reddit seems to be melting down, but so far we remain unscathed. I wish to let you all crack puns like adults without having to put on training wheels, but if any of the above subjects become a problem then I will swiftly revisit this. Consider this a privilege, not a right, and do try to avoid abusing it! Piggybacking off this, any post that is more 'lewd' than PG should be NSFW tagged. If it is inappropriate for an office setting, I will manually NSFW it, and repeat offenders will have consequences.
Third, you can now request puns! start a self post with [request] and put in whatever information is necessary, such as "[request] puns about clocks".
I'll keep this post stickied for about a week or so, to keep it as a nice feedback net, and we can adjust rules, add/delete/modify them as needed, to keep our subreddit of lovely puns in peak condition!
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
My dad's tires were recalled for losing tread and exploding. Due to my recent business law class I informed him that if he didn't take them in for a replacement, and they blew up, he would be liable. He said he knew the term for this type of liability:
....A pop-tort
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