Pasta la vista good chef
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πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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Today (July 1st) is International Reggae Day

This is the day I dread

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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There should be an international assembly for the proper way to separate out a sentence...

The Commawealth of Nations

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sjmaeff
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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Did you hear about the uprising at the international space station?

it was a revolution around the whole planet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IGotSkills
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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Why don't the computers for the International Space Station use windows?

You shouldn't open windows on a space station

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
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Did you hear about the new international travel restrictions?

They’re a border line issue

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πŸ“…︎ May 27 2021
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How does Bill Gates count to ten?

1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, ME, XP, Vista, 7, 8,10.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DokCyber
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
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Bill Gates meets Arnold Schwarzenneger at a party and asks him if he's upgraded to Windows 10 yet? Big Arnie replies.......

"Ah still love Vista Baby....."

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ipoointhepool
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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Why was the spaghetti sad?

Because his wife pasta way

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Palarity
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2021
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Why should Australians be banned from international chess tournaments?

Cos they keep saying "check, mate"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xiaodaireddit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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Took me a while
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rajeevist
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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Pasta la Vista
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minimine35
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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Since it's International Women's Day, I'd like to point out some inequality: If my wife wears nothing but one of my t-shirts it's cute, but if I wear nothing but one of her t-shirts...

...I have to leave Home Depot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkrjoe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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I was going to smoke a cigar on International Women’s Day

I had a cigarette instead

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bhackert
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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What's the internal temperature of a taunton?

Lukewarm

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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Ah, international puns.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePowderhorn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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Which tea is hard to swallow?

Grit-tea! Happy International Tea Day everyone!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WillHe_BonkYa
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.

There needs to be a balance.

A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

πŸ‘︎ 22k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A____K
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Pasta la vista baby
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πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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Los Angeles International Airport should sell their own brand of laxatives called LAXatives.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haha_Lostboys18
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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While traveling internationally , I purchased a new car made in Prague for pretty cheap...

When I first started it, the Czech engine light came on!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Have you guys seen the International space station??

Its out of this world!

How it works is above me!

Someone tried to explain it to me but it flew right above my head!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hydro_12345
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport?

Re:LAX

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raptavis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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What's the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?

Luke warm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cysec
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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Overheard at an international chemistry competition

Said by a British chemist: "I'll kick your arsenic!"

Said by an American chemist: "I'll kick your astatine!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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International

What do you call a Russian with 3 testicles?

Whoodya nickaknackeroff

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πŸ‘€︎ u/discosatan71
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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hasta la vista
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Awesomeus-
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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What do you call someone who cleans the outside of the International Space Station?

A vacuum cleaner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinsy_Crow
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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*internal screaming*
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MemeHutz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Why couldn't Abraham Lincoln be arrested?

He's in a cent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoondogGLOVER1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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My College Internship Almost Ruined My Life

I'm quite the music history buff- always have been. My first inkling as a college student was to explore turning this into a career. So I found a music museum, wrote an impassioned essay, and somehow landed the 12-week internship.

When I got there, I met the curator, a woman named Rhonda. Like me, she had grown up enjoying music and always wanting to know more. Thanks to grants and donors' generosity, she had helped continue the museum's legacy of showcasing what might otherwise be lost to history.

The tradition of the museum had always been to let the interns work in the orchestral wing. My assignment in particular was the string section.

Now I didn't know a whole lot about the string family, but I saw some really fine specimens and decided we could perhaps tell a broader story about the progression of the instruments. And so I began studying.

After about a week of studying, I went to Rhonda and asked if we could do something different here. She was very receptive to the idea and introduced me to her assistant, Dr. Will. His PhD was in history, natch, but he still relished having everyone call him Doctor. It was funny.

Dr. Will helped me learn so much about how the family of instruments developed over time, their overall cultural footprint, etc.

Did you know a fiddle and a violin are the same thing? Did you know the viola family dates back to the 16th C.? Vivaldi wrote 25 cello concertos!

I dazzled visitors with tales of the Stradivarius, Amati and Guarneri families. I noted the increase in neck length over time. I reassured them that despite the name catgut, no cat intestines were used in the creation of these instrumentsβ€”but it sure might be sheep or goat.

Sadly, 12 weeks goes by quickly when you're having fun, and I got enthusiastic letters of recommendation from Rhonda and Dr. Will, and I do miss them. Hello, you two.

I figured I could waltz (sorry) right in to more museum jobs later, but boy, was I mistaken.

I kept interviewing for the job, but after about the 10th cold shoulder, I had to find out what I was doing wrong. I had done such a good job, after all, right??????

So I fucking called the museum

got the guy who interviewed me on the lineβ€”and he wasn't thrilled to even talk to me. But I asked him, sir, why didn't I even get a call back? Weren't my qualifications good?

He said, yes, BUT.......

"...we simply can't hire someone who has exhibited a history of violins."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yungcfa
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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at the beach, i found a broken sand dollar, and i turned to Daughter, and said, hey i found a rapper...

she immediately responded, "50 cent"

it was rewarding because i could visibly see her internal groan at dumb dad joke, but then also self-horror that she was so quick to get the joke... win-win-win!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fajita43
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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Due to covid-19, finland closed its borders to international marathon runners.

The racers ran anyways but unfortunately no one crossed the finnish line

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IGotSkills
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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Tortilator: Pasta la vista

Ha Ha Ha Ha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stingyboi1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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Tomorrow is International Mud Day, and I had this marvellous exchange with my 4 year old today, Sunday: "Better prepare your gumboots, tomorrow is Mud Day!" I exclaimed. My child, without missing a beat, replied:

"No it's not, it's MUNday!" The apprentice has now become the master.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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After a long hour of deep internal reflection
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fakyu2
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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A reminder that it’s International Diarrhoea Week

Runs until Friday

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fantasypaladin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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What's the international religion of economics

"Dowism."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dusty_marshmello
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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It’s international sound check day

1 2 1 2

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beefy_storms
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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Dude, where’s my
πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marcus-Prince
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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An international arms dealer.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
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What is the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?

Lukewarm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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