Budweiser Shootout Puns

• 01- Mark Martin (Past Shootout winner)
• 1- Martin Truex Jr. (2006 Chase driver)
• 2- Kurt Busch (2006 pole winner)
• 5- Kyle Busch (2006 pole winner)
• 8- Dale Earnhardt Jr. (2006 pole winner)
• 9- Kasey Kahne (2006 pole winner)
• 11- Denny Hamlin (2006 pole winner)
• 16- Greg Biffle (2006 pole winner)
• 17- Matt Kenseth (2006 pole winner)
• 20- Tony Stewart (2006 pole winner)
• 21- Ken Schrader (Past Shootout winner)
• 24- Jeff Gordon (2006 pole winner)
• 25- Casey Mears (2006 pole winner)
• 26- Jamie McMurray (Past Shootout winner)
• 29- Kevin Harvick (2006 pole winner)
• 31- Jeff Burton (2006 pole winner)
• 37- Bill Elliott (Past Shootout winner)
• 44- Dale Jarrett (Past Shootout winner)
• 48- Jimmie Johnson (2006 pole winner)
• 99- Carl Edwards (2006 pole winner)

20 cars entered

Race is on FOX

Race stream: http://www.justin.tv/ikilledkenny3/

Race lineup: http://www.nascar.com/races/cup/2012/100/data/lineup.html

IRC Chat: #redditnascar

Hopefully we'll see some good pack racing tonight.

1. Daytona - Daytona 500 (1:00PM)
2. North Carolina - Dura-Lube 400 (1:00PM)
3. Las Vegas - UAW-Daimler Chrysler 400 (2:30PM)
4. Atlanta - Cracker Barrell Old Country Store 500 (1:00PM)
5. Darlington - Carolina Dodge Dealers 400 (1:00PM)
6. Bristol - Food City 500 (1:00PM)
7. Texas - Harrah's 500 (1:00PM)
8. Martinsville - Virginia 500 (1:00PM)
9. Talladega - Talladega 500 (1:00PM)
10. California - NAPA Auto Parts 500 (2:30PM)
11. Richmond - Pontiac Excitement 400 (8:00PM)
12. Lowes - Coca-Cola 600 (5:45PM)
13. Dover Downs - MBNA Platinum 400 (12:30PM)
14. Michigan - Kmart 400 (1:00PM)
15. Pocono - Pocono 500 (1:00PM)
16. Sears Point - Dodge / Save Mart 350 (3:30PM)
17. Daytona - Pepsi 400 (8:00PM)
18. Chicagoland - Tropicana 400 (2:30PM)
19. New Hampshire - New England 300 (2:00PM)
20. Pocono - Pennsylvania 500 (1:00PM)
21. Indy - Brickyard 400 (2:30PM)
22. Watkins Glen - Global Crossing At The Glen (1:00PM)
23. Michigan - Pepsi 400 Presented By Meijer (2:00PM)
24. Bristol - Sharpie 500 (8:00PM)
25. Darlington - Mountain Dew Southern 500 (1:00PM)
26. Richmond - Chevy Monte Carlo 400 (7:30PM)
27. New Hampshire - New Hampshire 300 (12:00PM)
28. Dover - MBNA Cal Ripken Jr 400 (1:00PM)
29. Kansas - Protection One 400 (1:00PM)
30. Lowes - UAW-GM Quality 500 (12:30PM)
31. Martinsville - Old Dominion 400 (12:30PM)
32. Talladega - EA Sports 500 (1:00PM)
33. Phoenix - Checker Auto Parts 500 (2:30PM)
34. North Carolina - Pop Secret Microwave Popcorn 400 (1:00PM)
35. Homestead - Pennzoil 400 (12:30PM)
36. Atlanta - NAPA 500 (12:30PM)

Exhibition Races:

Daytona - Budweiser Shootout (2:00PM)

Daytona - Gatorade 125s (12:00PM)

Lowes - The Winston Open (7:45PM)

Lowes - The Winston (8:15PM)

Do your worst!

It really does, I swear!

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

They’re on standbi

Buenosdillas

Pilot on me!!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

Why

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved