Brothers Old Boys Puns

My wife and I own a king size bed. My wife, my two children (a 5 year old boy and 8 month old boy) were playing on the bed.

Me: Lucky we have a king size bed. Can you imagine all of us on a twin? My wife: I know right. Me: I imagine his brother would be angry and tell us to get off his twin.

There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.

He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.

One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.

Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was asked for his last meal.

"I'll have a banana," "Just a single banana?" said the perplexed guard. "The warden will grant you a feast and all you want is that?"

"Just a single banana." he said.

After he downed the fruit, he was strapped into the electric chair an hour later.... The warden hit the switch, lights flickered, and the crackle of electricity could be heard for over a minute...

...but our train jockey instead rose from the chair looking more like he got a stiff massage, rather than be put to death! Well in that nation, the law of the land states that if a man somehow survives being put to death, they must be set free...

...And so it came to pass that our engineer was let go...

And for whatever reason, he got his job back!

So he was back railroading again doing the job that he loved. You'd think he'd have been more cautious with this second chance he'd been given, but you'd also be wrong. Speedy Gonzales with a train license decided to gun his locomotive to hard and send it off the tracks again!

Of course, this time he was tried for the same crime, but at a different time (his was a fair commonwealth and double indemnity was simply unheard of!) So fair was their nation, that the jury came up with the same judgement and punishment. So three days later, when asked for his last meal, the engineer simply said "I'll have 2 bananas..."

Not less than 60 minutes after consuming the last morsel was he strapped into the chair and the switch thrown... And....

NOTHING.

Me and 2 7 year olds (one my daughter's brother): boy 1:What's your last name? Me: (say last name) boy 2: Spell it. Me: "I-T" Boy 1: "Nooooo spell your last name." Me: "Y-O-U-R L-A-S-T N-A-M-E" both boys: Argh! Boy 1: Ok what's your last name. Me: (say last name) Boy 1: Spell that. Me: "T-H-A-T" Boy 2: Noooo spell your last naaaaame. Me: "Y-O-U-R L-A-S-T N-A-A-A-A-M-E" Boy 1: Ok, say your last name Me: Your last name. Boy 1: noooooo say your last name Me: Your last name.

I kept them going for a good 5 minutes before they figured out "spell (my last name)" Quite amusing.

edit: second time I misspelled the title. It's supposed to say "this was fun"