Why did the ice cream sundae break up?

The banana split

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iMakeCrap
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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My son just played "Don't Break The Ice" by himself with two hammers and exclaimed "I won!"

To which I replied "but on the other hand, you lost"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/badenglishihave
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I usually don’t tell Titanic Jokes, but when I do, I break the Ice
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/josefcvs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.

The changing sea son.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doogdoogdoog123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
To break the ice on a date I said β€œDid you know the Empire State has 102 stories?”

She said alright make em quick

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jollyben
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I have to host an early morning staff meeting tomorrow, does anyone have any good openers for an early morning meeting to break the ice?
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Famoustitles
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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How do you break the ice?

With aNice pun. ;)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hellABunk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad's favorite joke to "break the ice" makes it even more awkward.

Random person: Hi there, you alright?

Dad: No. I'm all left! HAHAHAHAHA

Random person: ...

me: facepalm

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YBZ
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
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Let’s start this off by breaking the ice. It’s a slippery subject, but I know we can crack it!
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoFish484
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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Relationships between hockey πŸ’ players and figure skaters are always doomed to failure.

No one is willing to break the ice.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fladavpam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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Breaking the ice at a fancy restaurant

Date night with wife and server came to ask us if we'd like more bread.

"Why yes, please. You bread my mind!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Suremantank
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2016
🚨︎ report
My dad delivered this Gem While I was breaking ice out of the ice tray...

Me: "Some of the ice just hit me in the face!" Dad: "I would too if you tried to break me."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/catlover_1990
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2014
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are fat penguins so popular at parties?

They know how to break the ice

πŸ‘︎ 383
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PygmeePony
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are penguins socially awkward?

Because they can't break the ice.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AzadBabu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
🚨︎ report
How much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm u/twenty-threenineteen, nice to meet you.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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Dad: "Me and your mum met at the winter wonderland skating rink. We jumped when we saw each other".

"It was our way of breaking the ice."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rethinkr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever I go to a social event, I always bring a pick

It helps break the ice

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Stolen from a friends Facebook post

OK... so did you ever notice how every time you spend 4 days alone in the woods and you make it out without a scratch or even a mosquito bite, and you're feeling all peaceful and relaxed and at one with the universe, you're not home 20 minutes and unloading the back of your truck when you slam your right shin into the trailer hitch... and amid the flashing white stars around you, your fists clench, your teeth grit, your body tenses and every "mean, nasty and ugly" word you ever read, heard, uttered or even imagined ("Wait... is #*&%#@!!! even a word??? Oh what the heck? It works!") goes tearing through your brain.... and eventually it passes and you keep working, surprised you're not even limping and it doesn't hurt more than it does... and almost an hour later, when you're finished and getting undressed to take your first hot shower in days, you see a lump on your shin the size of Rhode Island... and the first image that pops into your head is John Merrick yelling "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!... in fact, it literally looks like a second knee on your right leg... so you spend the rest of the evening keeping it elevated and icing it on and off, alternating between a blue gel pack and a bag of frozen peas.... and when you go to bed, you keep the gel pack on while you read and then take it off before you go to sleep... and then you wake up around 3AM and decide to check your shin and the swelling has gone down quite a bit... but since you still have several hours before you get up, you decide to ice it again... but the gel pack on the floor is no longer cold so you get up, walk to the kitchen and open the fridge... and after taking a bite of leftover pizza from last night (because... well, you're here and what the heck?), you go into the freezer, grab the bag of frozen peas and take them back to bed with you... but they're all frozen into one big solid ball and well, that won't do... so you lay the bag on the bed to pound it once or twice to break them up, but instead the bag bursts open and suddenly there are frozen peas sprayed all over the bed and rolling onto the floor... and all those words from yesterday come rushing back into your head as you kneel to gather them all up... but suddenly your anger completely vanishes and you can't help laughing to yourself as you think, "gee, I can't remember the last time I pea'd the bed in the middle of the night"???

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Markwittz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2017
🚨︎ report
People who work on those polar icebreaking ships are probably really good conversationalists at parties.

I mean, who's better at breaking the ice than an icebreaker?

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
🚨︎ report
We were at a College Football tailgate....

and my friend is throwing a bag of ice in the ground. My other friend mom comes up and asks "what is he doing" and I told her he was breaking the ice and I said there was a much simpler way. Confused she said "how?"

I replied "Hi my names Ryan"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rshambo_29
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2017
🚨︎ report
Was having a brunch with a group of new friends

Everyone was commenting on how good the poached eggs were, and with a dead straight face I say:

"Yeah, poached eggs used to be so popular until they nearly went extinct... Thank god for scrambled."

Dad jokes always break the ice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tropicole
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2016
🚨︎ report
I think my blender has Alzheimer's

Because it keeps breaking the ice with me.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsunami845
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2015
🚨︎ report
I could see his eyes light up as I unknowingly provided the set-up.

Me: banging an ice cube tray on the kitchen counter to get the ice out

Dad: Who's making all that racket?

Me: Me, I'm trying to break the ice

Dad: Why, is nobody talking to you? Ahahaaaaaaa.

Dad goes back to eBay

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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatering
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2013
🚨︎ report
Got a triple facepalm with this one

Was closing at the restaurant I worked at, when someone started breaking down the iced tea station. While checking if any tables were drinking it, she asked "Tim, do you need tea?"

Before he could respond, I said "of course he does. Without it, he'd be Im.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2015
🚨︎ report
Dropped this one on my lady and daughter.

We were driving back from celebrating my daughter's first vocal solo with ice cream and we noticed a new billboard. The billboard read "Santa wants bacon this year". I said that was a brilliant idea. It would break up the sweet with some salty. My girlfriend said "what about bacon cookies? " to which I replied "How else are you suppose to cook them?" They both groaned loudly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mel0maniac
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2014
🚨︎ report
Honing My Craft

After getting back from a long weekend getaway, my wife was trying to get some ice out of the freezer, but it was all stuck together.

Her: Babe? Can you break up the ice?

Me (leaning my head into the freezer): So... what do you do for a living?

Her: What? ... Ohhhhh...

I grinned and self-high-fived.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grousing_pheasant
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2014
🚨︎ report
I was caught by a grandfatherly stranger

We were sitting in a waiting room and he decided to break the ice.

Stranger: "It's a great day for the race."

Me: "What race?"

Stranger: "The human race."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoubleDot7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
🚨︎ report
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.

The changing sea son.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doogdoogdoog123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are Narwhals good at meeting new friends?

They are great at breaking the ice

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emeri5
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
How much does a fit polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrenadeLawyer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the penguin socially awkward?

He couldn’t break the ice.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-AKindStranger-
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I went out on a first date with this girl. We went ice skating but we got kicked out.

We were starting to break the ice.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report

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