Blind Girl Here. Give Me Your Best Blind Jokes!

Do your worst!

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📅︎ Jan 02 2022
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What starts with a W and ends with a T

It really does, I swear!

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📅︎ Jan 13 2022
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Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

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📅︎ Jan 11 2022
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What is a a bisexual person doing when they’re not dating anybody?

They’re on standbi

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📅︎ Jan 12 2022
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What do you call quesadillas you eat in the morning?

Buenosdillas

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📅︎ Jan 14 2022
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Geddit? No? Only me?
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👤︎ u/shampy311
📅︎ Dec 28 2021
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I wanna hear your best airplane puns.

Pilot on me!!

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📅︎ Jan 07 2022
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E or ß?
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👤︎ u/Amazekam
📅︎ Jan 03 2022
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No spoilers
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👤︎ u/Onfour
📅︎ Jan 06 2022
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Covid problems
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📅︎ Jan 12 2022
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These aren't dad jokes...

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

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👤︎ u/Lance986
📅︎ Dec 15 2021
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This subreddit is 10 years old now.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

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📅︎ Jan 14 2022
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I had a vasectomy because I didn’t want any kids.

When I got home, they were still there.

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👤︎ u/demotrek
📅︎ Jan 13 2022
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What did 0 say to 8 ?

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

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📅︎ Jan 03 2022
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Spi__
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📅︎ Jan 11 2022
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I dislike karma whores who make posts that imply it's their cake day, simply for upvotes.

I won't be doing that today!

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👤︎ u/djcarves
📅︎ Dec 27 2021
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The Ancient Romans II
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👤︎ u/mordrathe
📅︎ Dec 29 2021
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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in your frying pan?

You take away their little brooms

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📅︎ Jan 09 2022
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School Was Clothed
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👤︎ u/Kennydoe
📅︎ Jan 08 2022
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I did it, I finally did it. After 4 years and 92 days I went from being a father, to a dad.

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

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👤︎ u/Sk2ec
📅︎ Jan 01 2022
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It this sub dead?

There hasn't been a post all year!

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👤︎ u/TheTreelo
📅︎ Jan 01 2022
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Couch potato
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📅︎ Dec 31 2021
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Baka!
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👤︎ u/ridi86
📅︎ Jan 09 2022
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Letting loose with these puns
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📅︎ Jan 13 2022
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concrete 🗿
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📅︎ Jan 07 2022
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All dad jokes are bad and here’s why

Why

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👤︎ u/LordCinko
📅︎ Jan 13 2022
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My name is ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

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📅︎ Dec 25 2021
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Why are people so surprised and angry about Djokovic being an anti-vaxxer?

After all his first name is No-vac

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📅︎ Jan 06 2022
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If Korean pop is shortened to Kpop and Korean Drama is Kdrama...

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

  • Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

  • French/Finnish art

  • Country/Canadian rap

  • Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

  • Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

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📅︎ Jan 09 2022
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I'd like to dedicate this joke to my wisdom teeth.

[Removed]

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📅︎ Jan 14 2022
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That’s Michelle
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📅︎ Jan 10 2022
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Is this sub still active?

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

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👤︎ u/DonStimpo
📅︎ Dec 31 2021
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What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved

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📅︎ Jan 13 2022
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is Isn't
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👤︎ u/mordrathe
📅︎ Jan 11 2022
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i Karenough to
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👤︎ u/Amazekam
📅︎ Jan 14 2022
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@u/mordrathe - remix
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👤︎ u/SpydrRydr
📅︎ Jan 12 2022
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La 8000km Collab Bière

8000km Collab – Une collaboration entre Lantern Brewing and Bubar Brasserie

L’Association de Jumelage Seattle Nantes (SNSCA) est heureuse de vous annoncer l’arrivée de la bière « 8000km Collab », une collaboration entre la brasserie nantaise Bubar et la brasserie de Seattle Lantern Brewing. Après neuf mois de planification, d’affinement de la recette, et un nombre incalculable d’essais pour obtenir le produit final, la bière style Gose infusée à la cranberry est à présent disponible à Nantes et à Seattle. La « 8000km Collab », en référence à la distance entre Seattle et Nantes, célèbre les cultures uniques de chaque ville jumelle en infusant deux saveurs qui représentent parfaitement les deux régions : des cranberries de l’état de Washington et du sel de Guérande.

La genèse de cette collaboration transatlantique a commencé en 2019 pour rendre hommage au jumelage entre Nantes et Seattle. A la mi-2020 SNSCA rapproche Chris Engdal, propriétaire de Lantern Brewing (et fervent défenseur des traditions de brasserie française et belge avec une grande expérience dans la région de Seattle) et Stéphane Blanc, propriétaire de la brasserie Bubar, qui se spécialise dans les bières artisanales non filtrées et non pasteurisées. Ils acceptent le défi sans hésitation : créer une recette commune et brasser chacun cette bière à 8000 km de distance. Malgré la pandémie et le fait qu’ils ne se soient jamais rencontrés en personne, Chris et Stéphane ont réussi à échanger leurs idées à travers neuf fuseaux horaires via Zoom et à tester de nombreuses cuvées pour régler les moindres détails.

L’étiquette de la « 8000km Collab », conçue par Julien Gaudronneau (groupe Tang Artwork basé à Nantes), présente des illustrations en miroir des villes de Nantes et Seattle, orientées selon l’endroit où la bière est achetée. Par exemple, une bouteille obtenue à Seattle présente la ville de Nantes en bas.

Quelle que soit l’occasion, la “8000km Collab” vous transportera vers les saveurs et la culture qui lient ces villes jumelles dynamiques. Que vous soyez à Seattle ou à Nantes, assurez-vous de faire un détour par Lantern Brewing ou Bubar pour goûter la « 8000kmdeto Collab ». Elle est actuellement disponible en pression et en bouteille dans les deux brasseries.

Plus d’information ici: www.seattle-nantes.org/beer-project

A consommer avec modération bien-sûr!

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👤︎ u/ufeseattle
📅︎ Aug 31 2021
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hot tub?

Bob

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👤︎ u/4fuchssake
📅︎ Jan 05 2022
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My WIFI password is 2444666668888888

Just to clarify, 12345678

👍︎ 6k
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👤︎ u/az1m_
📅︎ Jan 03 2022
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I named my dog "5 miles."

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

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👤︎ u/javacafe
📅︎ Jan 10 2022
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Possibly the greatest Snap Reaction dad joke I've ever told (it even got me a POWERFUL groan and vehement FU from my wife)

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

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📅︎ Jan 10 2022
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I can't believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician...

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

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👤︎ u/ENJOYblet
📅︎ Jan 05 2022
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Guns
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📅︎ Jan 10 2022
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The two genders
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👤︎ u/ShrimpRex
📅︎ Dec 27 2021
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If “womb” is pronounced “woom” and “tomb” is pronounced “toom” then shouldn’t “bomb” be pronounced…

“BOOM”?!

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📅︎ Dec 24 2021
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A little boy came running up to me and said, "Please help, my dad is in a fight!" I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, "Which one's your dad?!" He replied, "I don't know."

"That's what they're fighting about."

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📅︎ Jan 07 2022
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I like my coffee how I like my slaves

free

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👤︎ u/zRepulse
📅︎ Dec 17 2021
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Why did Novak Djokovic pay for his flight to Australia with a Mastercard?

Because his Visa didn’t work.

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👤︎ u/tttestm
📅︎ Jan 08 2022
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Why do standup comedians perform poorly in Hawaii?

Because the audience only responds in a low ha

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👤︎ u/husapida
📅︎ Jan 12 2022
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I couldn’t rush more than this to post it!
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📅︎ Jan 08 2022
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