A list of puns related to "Bowling Jokes"
But then I spared him
but they keep ending up in the gutter.
I thought i’d spare you the trouble.
I said no I didn’t know he could.
...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.
Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '
Thank you for the awards
A fish
"How do they repaint that yellow line on the field so fast?"
...is sphere itself...
Wife: Will you please put your daughters clothes on?
Me: I tried. they don't fit me!
She was talking about having guacamole for the super bowl and we were talking about going to trader joe's.
Me: Trader Joe's has some pretty good guac that we could pick up.
Her: No way, I make my own. I'm in search of perfection.
Me: So you not only talk the talk, you also guac the guac?
It went back 4 seconds.
Today was the first day of his class, Special Topics in Poetry. We walk in and there is a guest with some ceramic art. We thought we were gonna write poems about it or some shit, but then the professor says, "Welcome to special topics in pottery."
The whole class is like wat...?
Then the guest lady starts showing a powerpoint of some of her work and then we literally spent the whole class mushing clay and making bowls and shit.
To make things even dadder, he chuckled "poetry pottery heh heh heh" like we didn't get the joke and he had to explain it to us.
My young daughter is still learning to microwave food. She attempted to reheat some of her food last night, but left the fork in the bowl. The wife caught it and pointed out that it could cause the microwave to explode and potentially hit grandma who was sitting with her back to the microwave.
Wife (to daughter): "You wouldn't want Grandmom to get hit by glass shrapnel and a fork would you?"
Me (interjecting): "Well, at least then I would have a reason to say your Mom is really forked in the head."
The MIL nearly choked on her food, but laughed and could appreciate the joke. She know she cray cray.
It's hard to bowl a 300 and lose!
(This joke works better said out loud than written)
Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential..."
I know I know. I'm not a dad but I teach physics and I've never made up a joke before.... X/post from jokes.
The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.
Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
What musical is about a train conductor? “My Fare, Lady”.
A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What animals are on legal documents? Seals!
Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!
Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.
Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Dockyard: A physician’s garden.
What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!
The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
“What’s purple and 5000 miles long?” “Ooh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!
When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is
... keep reading on reddit ➡A Christmas Poem
by Dad (1952–2009)
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the shack,
Not a creature was stirring, we was all in the sack;
Our mugs were placed on the mantle with cheer,
In hope that Saint Nick would bring us a beer;
And me I was tucked up all snug in my bed,
But strains of sweet music still danced through my head;
So I sprang from my bed with a crash and a clatter,
And off down the hall with bare feet did I patter;
There on the chair sat my musical pipe,
So I sat down to play without fanfare or hype;
Come Mozart, come Hayden, Stravinski and Strauss,
And write me some music to bring down the house;
When down from the chimney appeared with a crash,
A strange little man in the smoke and the ash;
He wiggled and jumped and got up like a shot,
Came over and said, "Man those cinders are hot!";
His stomach it shook like a bowl full of jelly,
For a moment I thought it was dear old aunt Nelly;
His nose like a cherry, his ears like two jugs,
I was worried that this guy just might be on drugs;
His language was foul, his jokes they were crass,
So I opened the door and threw him out on his ass;
But then as I turned, boy was I ever surprised;
I saw what he'd bought me, or so I surmised;
For there in the corner right under the tree,
Was some brand new sheet music and a case of O.V.;
I turned to say thank-you but found he had gone,
He was not in the garden and not on the lawn;
And just when I thought that he couldn't get far,
I realized the old goat had stolen the car;
Off in the distance he said with a wheeze,
"I hated to do it but you left me the keys!";
I smiled and laughed for this much I could savour,
For I'd just sold the car to my idiot neighbour;
And once more he called as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and don't drive when you're tight!"
Thank you for everything, Dad. We love and miss you.
So there is this land called cheerio land and in cheerio land there are 7 classes of cheerio, 0-5 and the frosted cheerios. Now there is this level 0 cheerio. Hes homeless, living out on the street, probaly an alchoholic. But he falls in love with a frosted cheerio princess. So one day he sneaks into the royal gala and goes up to the princess and asks her "will you marry me?" Now she says "I like your style, youre a good looking guy, a bit scruffy but I like you. Tell you what I will marry you if you can become a frosted cheerio" So our guy goes back with a determination and gets a job and starts to pay off his debts. Now by having a job and his debts paid he becomes a level 1 cheerio. So he works, and he works, and he works, and he WORKS and he finally becomes a level 2 cheerio. Now he goes back to the princess and askes her again, "will you marry me?" she says "no honey you really do have to become a frosted cheerio first." So he goes back and he works and works, hes a fryboy at McGrubers or something, I dont care. So he works and he works and he gets promoted at the restraunt and is making more money. And he works and he works and he works and by having that income raise he finally becomes a level 3 cheerio. He feels sucessful for the first time in his life but he is starting to fall back on his old ways. One day he goes to the casino and he loses and he loses and he loses and he gambled all his money away and he gets fired to boot because gambling is against company policy. So he is back down to a level 1 cheerio. He gets a job on a production line at a nearby factory and determines himself not to fall back ever again. So he works and he works and he works and he works and he WORKS, level 2, level 3, and he is doing great again. He is promoted to Floor manager of the factory and he is doing great and becomes a level 4 cheerio. But then one day a rival company sabotages their operation by putting poison in their toothpaste or whatever the hell they were making. They have to pay out damages and PR and the like and they declare bankruptcy. He is knocked back down to level 2 for the lack in income. But he is hired almost straight away by a branch of a huge conglomerate because they recognized how hard of a worker he is. So he works, level 3, works, level 4, and he works and works and WORKS. So he is promoted t
... keep reading on reddit ➡I obliged and poured a bowl and set it in front of her.
Toddler: "NO! I don't want the square cereal!"
Me: "too bad, that's life."
(Posted this once before in an ask Reddit thread about dad jokes, but felt I should share it here as well.)
Server: "I forgot to send this spaghetti as a half/split order. Can you fix it please?"
Me: "It can't be done."
Server: "Why not?"
Me: "Its InPastaBowl."
They don't say it, but I know they all miss my awesome jokes.
I was looking forward to all the dad jokes at Benihana last night, and I was not disappointed! (Also, epic onion volcano!)
Our chef says "Who wants egg roll?" and then rolls an egg across the cooking surface.
When the chef added butter to the cooking vegetables, he threw his bowl of butter into the air a couple times and said "Look! Butterfly!"
While prepping the shrimp, he put all the tails on his spatula and asked the 6-year-old at the table "You ordered just tail, right?"
He put one sesame seed on his spatula, showed it to the 6-year-old and said "Japanese diet!"
Our chef checks with everyone who ordered steak to see how they want it cooked, then says to the people who ordered chicken "For chicken, everyone want rare?" and then he laughed when one of the girls at the table got really confused.
I'm sure there were more that I can't remember once the sake kicked in.
Me: A bowl of what?
Wife: A bowl of it's too early for dad jokes.
My dad looks at me and says, "I wonder what happened to Liverless!"
He does this kind of joke for everything though. Crossing the Dumbarton Bridge he'll say, "Damn, the Smartbarton Bridge is always faster!"
Or at the dinner table, if we were eating out of bowls...he would look at me and say "Hey check it out..." then he would slide his bowl back and forth and say "I'm having a bowl movement at the dinner table!"
I love him.
Shopping-
Me: Hey, is gnocchi vegan?
Dad: Of course it is! It's got gno-cheese!
Then a World Market employee four aisles away completely bowled over laughing, literally hooting and hollering. My dad has been strutting around all proud of his joke all day. I don't think I can ever go back there.
Me: If you're going into the kitchen, can you make me a bowl of ice cream?
Dad: * waves hands * abra cadabra! You're a bowl of ice cream
It was his favorite joke and always got eye rolls from my brother and I. He was practically rolling on the floor when he got to use it on me last night. I will admit, cracked a smile
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