Where does a dog go to buy black market goods?

The bark web

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FetusPicatta
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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My dog started dog school this week. My dad asked my sister if our dog was going to have a β€œlab” partner. Which she does the other dog who is her partner is a black lab!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/creamethcheeseth
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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There once was a black dog of age four...

Who could fly like the wind with a roar
A pup asked one day
β€˜Why are you this way’
He was a labracadabrador

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CVSSR
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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If I were to make a MΓΆbius strip out of black and white dog fur,

would it result in eternal Dalmation?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sandysingssongs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
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Curious

A guy sees a sign in front of a house:

"Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"

The owner replies, "'Cause he's fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spazpekker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Day 28 of being a father. Am I considered a dad now?

Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?

Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.

Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tebaseball1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2016
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Names of my Dogs

I've got two black Labradors. One is called Madness, but whenever someone ask me if that is his name, I will state "No, this is Sparta!", which is my other dogs name.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HexaTom
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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My dad was brushing my dog outside.

It was pretty hot so my dog as his tongue out. A little boy and his mother was passing by and the kid go "hey this is a beautiful dog but why does it have black spot on his tongue ?" and then my dad answer "Oh it's because he ate a pencil when he was a puppy". The kid totally bought it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harry5519
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
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Cheat sheet for Dads on Halloween

What is a Vampire favorite fruit?

  • Neckterines

What kind of dogs do Vampires like best?

  • Blood hounds

How does a ghost cry?

  • Boo Hoo

What does a skeleton always say before he eats?

  • Bone Appetite

What kind of key should you always take to a haunted house?

  • Skeleton Key

Why do Vampires need mouthwash?

  • Because they have bat breath

What kinds of street do Zombies like?

  • Dead ends.

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?

  • Frost Bite

What did the black cat call the mouse on roller skates?

  • Meals on wheels

What does a vampire never at a restaurant?

  • A stake sandwich

What is it like to be kissed by a vampire?

  • It's a pain in the neck.

Why did the witch stand in front of the podium?

  • To give a Screech

What does a ghosts have for dessert?

  • I-Scream

What is a skeletons favorite instrument?

  • A trombone

What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?

  • A Lab

Be honest, how many did you get? What is your dad score?

EDIT: can't get spoiler tags to work...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gnolaum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2014
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Oh dad...

My black friend wearing a white shirt was over, and petting my white dog. Dad says "Good thing he's not black!" Referring to the dog shedding his fur.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThugnDolphin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2013
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