I threw my blind wife with a surprise birthday party
She never saw it coming!
Edit: I changed the title and still has a typo -.-`
I recently bought my only Daughter a locket with her picture inside, for her 18th birthday.
.. just so glad She's now finally independent.
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said...
"You know, one would have been enough."
My little brother just came up with this: Why was the fully loaded hot dog cold?
Because it was a chili dog.
How do dogs take pictures with their phones?
What do you get if you cross a dog with a vegetable?
Outdad my dad with this one. He messaged me today that our dog ate a packet of corn chips. I replied..
...Soon we are going to have poop corn.
And added that we might have a cereal killer living in our house.
What do you do with a dog without legs?
You drag it around the block
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
What do you call a dog, with no legs?
It doesnt matter, he is not coming
Today my mom turns 53, and it's tradition that my dad fills the kitchen with posters before she wakes up, wishing her a happy birthday. This year's were some of his worst (best) work.
I was very poor growing up. On my 10th birthday we bought half a cake with 5 candles.
We put it against a mirror.
What do you call a dog that works with shingles?
I'm currently having a competition with my son before his first birthday;
we're currently tied, but he's almost one.
I wanted to go with my mom when she walked her three dogs after dark.
I met a dog with twelve nipples.
Did you know that dogs communicate with each other by marking their territory?
So when they sniff and mark the same places everyday, they are just checking and responding to their pee-mail.
If your dog shakes hands with your enemy, has he committed a foe paw?
With a dog, you have a glimpse into parenting.
With a cat, you have a glimpse into marriage.
What do you call a dog with no legs
Nothing. It’s not gonna come anyways
When I was in florida I saw signs saying "animal sanctuary 5$." so I decided to follow them but when I got there it was just a middle aged couple with hundreds of house cats and one dog in a cage.
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
What do you call wrestling with your dog in the living room?
What did the terrorist wish to his colleague on his birthday?
Congratulations! Have a blast.
The US Navy will start to equip all their subs with emotional support dogs. After a lot study, they decided on Dachshunds...
...they will be subma-weiners.
I just saw a stray dog with the Eiffel Tower stuck in his fur, along with Arc de Triumph and the Louvre...
...poor little guy, covered in Paris Sites.
A guy walks into a bar with a dog and the bartender says "No pets allowed!"
The guy says "This isn't a pet, he's my friend and he can talk."
The bartender is skeptical and demands the guy proves it.
The guy asks the dog "What's the opposite of 'soft'?" The dog replies "Rough!"
The bartender remains skeptical and asks for more proof.
The guy asks the dog "What do people put over the top of their house?" The dog replies "Roof!"
The bartender gets annoyed and gives the guy one more chance.
The guy asks the dog "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time? Babe......" The dog replies "Ruth!"
The bartender is fed up and throws them out. The dog says "Should I have said 'Lou Gehrig?'"
When Shaquille O’Neal gives you a birthday card, he always signs it with a reference to his favorite 80’s song.
What do you call a dog with no hind legs and stainless steel testicles?
A mother gave birth to a boy with a defect, he only had a head.
There was no body, arms or legs to him but he was functioning normal and his parents loved him.
On his 21st birthday his dad took him to a bar, bought him a beer and gave it to him to drink.
Suddenly his torso grew out of his head. Around him amazed the bar started chanting “Drink, Drink!”
His dad got a second beer and gave it to him, this time he grew arms and hands. The stunned crowd all chanted again “Drink, Drink”
He got his third beer and drank it himself with his new hands, suddenly legs and feet grew. The crowd applauded and cheered. The son couldn’t believe it and started to run. He ran around in circles and then out of the bar. Unfortunately he ran into the road, got hit by a truck and was killed instantly. The barman looked at his dad, sighed and said “He should have quit while he was a head”
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter, he still ain’t coming!
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
“You know, one would have been enough.”
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him he isn't coming.
My Dad asked what do you call a dog with no legs?
"It doesn't matter. He won't come to you no matter what you call him."
Where do you find a dog with no legs???
Right where you left him.
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
“You know, one would have been enough.”
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter they won’t come anyway.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him..
He wont come anyways
I bought my Daughter a locket with her picture inside, for her 18th birthday..
.. just so glad She's now finally Independent.
Dad wishing his daughter a happy birthday on Facebook
http://i.imgur.com/1Fm2ojr.jpg
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
Y'know, one would have been enough.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming home
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