My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
My friend said that he couldn't afford to pay his huge water bill....
So, I sent him a 'Get Well Soon' card.
I make Christmas wreaths for a living. So I decided I would make one out of 100 dollar bills the other day.
I call it a wreath of Franklin.
Opened the electric bill and the Wife can't understand why i'm on the floor laughing.
I was working in our store when my son called me over and said, “Two guys came in and tried to give me some fake fifty dollar bills.” I asked. “What did they look like?” He replied...
Paying bills is hard.
Some would call it taxing.
BR EAK ING NE WS....'Bill Gates has agreed to pay for the finishing of Trumps Wall."
(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)
A big bear goes into a bar and slaps down a $20 bill and says to the bartender,"give me a gin and................tonic"
The bartender replies, "Why the big paws?"
I still believe Bill Clinton's Vice President invented the internet
Why else would we use Al-Gore-Rhythms?
I found a $20 bill in the parking lot of the grocery store. I asked myself, what would Jesus do?
So I turned it into wine.
I had a priest perform an exorcism for my house, but I never paid the bill....
What do you call a belt made of $100 bills?
My self-centered friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn't afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
Bill Clinton's VP could have won in 2000 if he had found the right flowchart
But he just wasn't using the right Al Gore-ithm
If Senate is a place where every bill needs to be pass through
It should be called Bill Gates.
What do you call a girl who refuses to pay her bills?
Burnadebt
(Just thought of this and I gotta admit...I'm a little bit proud of myself.)
I just found out that Bill Nye is just a stage name.
His real name is William New Year’s Eve.
So if you get knighted by Bill Gates
Does that make you an edge lord?
How did Bill Cosby describe the massive earthquake in the Grand Canyon?
“There was a schism in the chasm.”
As I was leaving the vet’s office, he said “Here is the bill..
Sorry, that we were unable to reattach it to your duck.”
I saw Bill Gates at the airport today
A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.
After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"
The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"
I wonder how Bill Gates gets Windows. Does he get it free? Or does Microsoft Bill Gates?
If you pay for your kitchen remodel with fake bills...
You’re counterfeiting the counter fitter.
Did you know soul singer Bill Withers had a brother called ‘Bear’?
He wrote telephone hold music.
Ducks love raw potatoes and will attempt to unearth them with their bill. Enthusiastically mistaking rocks for potatoes can cause damage leaving them...
What does Bill Duke say when he has an upset stomach?
Gonna have me some Tums. Gonna have me some Tums.
Just got a credit card bill with a camouflaged bull printed on it...!?
..It's the hidden charges you have to watch out for.
I couldn’t afford to pay my electric bill in college
Those were pretty dark times
My son was washing some dollar bills the other day
He said it was money laundering
Bill and Ted have a new cookbook coming out
It’s called Wyld Scallions
Why are Lionel Richie’s electricity bills so high?
Because he’s up “All Night Long”!
Heard this joke on the radio yesterday, I thought it deserved a place here.
What do you call the anime bill of rights?
The Dalai Lama hands over a $10 bill, and asks for his change.
The man behind the counter says, "No, change must come from within".
Why did Bill get mad at John after John ate all of his toast?
Because he's Lack Toast Intolerant.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill
So I sent him a "get well soon" card
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
My friend in the country couldn’t afford his water bill...
So I sent him a ‘Get Well Soon!’ card.
My friend couldn’t afford to pay his water bill.
I sent him a “get well soon” card.
My friend couldn’t afford to pay his water bill.
I sent him a “Get well soon” card
My friend couldn’t afford to pay his water bill.
I sent him a “Get well soon” card
I just found out that Bill Nye is just his stage name.
His real name is William New Years Eve.
What do you call a woman who throws all of her bills on the fire?
My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.
I told him, "My door is always open".
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