#FT: Portland Timbers 2-0 San Jose Earthquakes
Portland Timbers scorers: Diego Chará (34'), Dairon Asprilla (55')
Venue: Providence Park
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LINE-UPS
Portland Timbers
Steve Clark, Dario Zuparic, Bill Tuiloma, Pablo Bonilla, José Van Rankin, Yimmi Chará, Diego Chará, Cristhian Paredes (George Fochive), Felipe Mora (Jaroslaw Niezgoda), Dairon Asprilla (Marvin Loría), Santiago Moreno (Sebastián Blanco).
Subs: Diego Valeri, Larrys Mabiala, Renzo Zambrano, Aljaz Ivacic, Blake Bodily.
^____________________________
San Jose Earthquakes
JT Marcinkowski, Nathan Cardoso, Jackson Yueill, Tanner Beason, Tommy Thompson (Marcos Johan López), Javier López, Andrés Ríos (Paul Marie), Eric Remedi (Chris Wondolowski), Jeremy Ebobisse, Benjamin Kikanovic (Cade Cowell), Cristian Espinoza (Carlos Fierro).
Subs: Oswaldo Alanís, Judson, Daniel Vega, Jack Skahan.
MATCH EVENTS | via ESPN
19' Javier López (San Jose Earthquakes) is shown the yellow card.
20' Cristhian Paredes Yellow Card
45' Substitution, San Jose Earthquakes. Marcos López replaces Tommy Thompson.
45' Substitution, San Jose Earthquakes. Paul Marie replaces Andrés Ríos.
57' Dairon Asprilla (Portland Timbers) is shown the yellow card for excessive celebration.
60' On: Carlos Fierro|Off: Cristian Espinoza
60' Substitution, San Jose Earthquakes. Cade Cowell replaces Benjamin Kikanovic.
60' Substitution, San Jose Earthquakes. Chris Wondolowski replaces Eric Remedi.
68' On: George Fochive|Off: Cristhian Paredes
78' Substitution, Portland Timbers. Sebastián Blanco replaces Santiago Moreno.
78' Substitution, Portland Timbers. Jaroslaw Niezgoda replaces Felipe Mora.
85' On: Marvin Loría|Off: Dairon Asprilla
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It really does, I swear!
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
#[Major League Soccer - Matchday 42] #FT: 90' Portland Timbers 2-0 San Jose Earthquakes
Match Info:
Date: October 27, 2021
Time: 19:00 (America/Los_Angeles)
Venue: Providence Park
Recent form
Portland Timbers: LLLWWW
San Jose Earthquakes: DWLLLW
Lineups:
Portland Timbers - 4-2-3-1
Starting XI: Steve Clark, Josecarlos van Rankin, Bill Tuiloma, Dario Župarić, Pablo Bonilla, Cristhian Paredes, Diego Chará, Santiago Moreno, Yimmi Chará, Dairon Asprilla, Felipe Mora
Substitutes: Aljaž Ivačič, Larrys Mabiala, Diego Valeri, Marvin Loría, Renzo Zambrano, George Fochive, Sebastián Blanco, Blake Bodily, Jarosław Niezgoda
Coach: G. Savarese
San Jose Earthquakes - 4-2-3-1
Starting XI: James Marcinkowski, Tommy Thompson, Jackson Yueill, Nathan Cardoso, Tanner Beason, Eric Remedi, Andy Rios, Cristian Espinoza, Javier López, Benjamin Kikanovic, Jeremy Ebobisse
Substitutes: Daniel Vega, Oswaldo Alanís, Paul Marie, Marcos López, Judson, Carlos Fierro, Cade Cowell, Jack Skahan, Chris Wondolowski
Coach: M. Almeyda
Match Stats:
| Portland Timbers | 2 - 0 | San Jose Earthquakes |
|---|---|---|
| 41% | Ball Possession | 59% |
| 23 | Total Shots | 17 |
| 12 | Shots On Target | 5 |
| 6 | Shots Off Target | 9 |
| 5 | Blocked Shots | 3 |
| 17 | Shots Inside Box | 10 |
| 6 | Shots Outside Box | 7 |
| 3 | Corner Kicks | 4 |
| 3 | Offsides | 0 |
| 12 | Fouls | 13 |
| 3 | Yellow Cards | 2 |
| 0 | Red Cards | 0 |
| 5 | Goalkeeper Saves | 10 |
| 336 | Passes | 490 |
| 263 (78%) | Accurate Passes | 414 (84%) |
Match events
0' KICKOFF!
19' Yellow Card for J. López (San Jose Earthquakes)
20' Yellow Card for C. Paredes (Portland Timbers)
27' Yellow Card for D. Chara (Portland Timbers)
34' GOAL! Scored by Y. Chara (Portland Timbers)
46' Substitution: P. Marie for A. Ríos (San Jose Earthquakes)
46' Substitution: M. López for T. Thompson (San Jose Earthquakes)
50' Yellow Card for E. Remedi (San Jose Earthquakes)
55' GOAL! Scored by D. Asprilla (Portland Timbers)
57' Yellow Card for D. Asprilla (Portland Timbers)
60' Substitution: C. Wondolowski for E. Remedi (San Jose Earthquakes)
60' Substitution: C. Cowell for B. Kikanovic (San Jose Earthquakes)
60' Substitution: C. Fierro for C. Espinoza (San Jose Earthquakes)
68' Substitution: G. Fochive for C. Paredes (Portland Timbers
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Buenosdillas
Pilot on me!!
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
You take away their little brooms
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
[Removed]
Bob
Just to clarify, 12345678
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
“BOOM”?!
#FT: Portland Timbers 1-1 San Jose Earthquakes
Portland Timbers scorers: Felipe Mora (45'+6')
San Jose Earthquakes scorers: Javier López (24')
Venue: Providence Park
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LINE-UPS
Portland Timbers
Steve Clark (Aljaz Ivacic), Bill Tuiloma, Larrys Mabiala, Claudio Bravo, José Van Rankin, George Fochive (Diego Valeri), Cristhian Paredes (Eryk Williamson), Diego Chará, Felipe Mora, Dairon Asprilla (Sebastián Blanco), Yimmi Chará.
Subs: Renzo Zambrano, Dario Zuparic, Blake Bodily, Marvin Loría, Pablo Bonilla.
^____________________________
San Jose Earthquakes
JT Marcinkowski, Oswaldo Alanís (Carlos Fierro), Tanner Beason, Nathan Cardoso, Judson, Florian Jungwirth (Andrés Ríos), Shea Salinas, Luciano Abecasis (Marcos Johan López), Javier López (Jackson Yueill), Cade Cowell, Cristian Espinoza (Chris Wondolowski).
Subs: Paul Marie, Daniel Vega, Jack Skahan, Siad Haji.
MATCH EVENTS | via ESPN
29' José Van Rankin Yellow Card
40' On: Aljaz Ivacic|Off: Steve Clark
45' Substitution, San Jose Earthquakes. Jackson Yueill replaces Javier López.
45' Substitution, Portland Timbers. Eryk Williamson replaces Cristhian Paredes.
60' On: Sebastián Blanco|Off: Dairon Asprilla
73' Substitution, San Jose Earthquakes. Marcos López replaces Luciano Abecasis because of an injury.
82' Substitution, San Jose Earthquakes. Andrés Ríos replaces Florian Jungwirth.
82' Substitution, San Jose Earthquakes. Chris Wondolowski replaces Cristian Espinoza.
82' Substitution, Portland Timbers. Diego Valeri replaces George Fochive.
83' On: Carlos Fierro|Off: Oswaldo Alanís
85' Eryk Williamson Yellow Card
90'+2' Diego Chará Yellow Card
90'+6' Shea Salinas Yellow Card
90'+6' Sebastián Blanco Yellow Card
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... keep reading on reddit ➡[Major League Soccer - Matchday 42]
#Portland Timbers 2-0 San Jose Earthquakes
Match Info:
Lineups:
Portland Timbers - 4-2-3-1
Starting XI: Steve Clark, Josecarlos van Rankin, Bill Tuiloma, Dario Župarić, Pablo Bonilla, Cristhian Paredes, Diego Chará, Santiago Moreno, Yimmi Chará, Dairon Asprilla, Felipe Mora
Substitutes: Aljaž Ivačič, Larrys Mabiala, Diego Valeri, Marvin Loría, Renzo Zambrano, George Fochive, Sebastián Blanco, Blake Bodily, Jarosław Niezgoda
Coach: G. Savarese
San Jose Earthquakes - 4-2-3-1
Starting XI: James Marcinkowski, Tommy Thompson, Jackson Yueill, Nathan Cardoso, Tanner Beason, Eric Remedi, Andy Rios, Cristian Espinoza, Javier López, Benjamin Kikanovic, Jeremy Ebobisse
Substitutes: Daniel Vega, Oswaldo Alanís, Paul Marie, Marcos López, Judson, Carlos Fierro, Cade Cowell, Jack Skahan, Chris Wondolowski
Coach: M. Almeyda
Match Stats:
| Portland Timbers | 2 - 0 | San Jose Earthquakes |
|---|---|---|
| 41% | Ball Possession | 59% |
| 23 | Total Shots | 17 |
| 12 | Shots On Target | 5 |
| 6 | Shots Off Target | 9 |
| 5 | Blocked Shots | 3 |
| 17 | Shots Inside Box | 10 |
| 6 | Shots Outside Box | 7 |
| 3 | Corner Kicks | 4 |
| 3 | Offsides | 0 |
| 12 | Fouls | 13 |
| 3 | Yellow Cards | 2 |
| 0 | Red Cards | 0 |
| 5 | Goalkeeper Saves | 10 |
| 336 | Passes | 490 |
| 263 (78%) | Accurate Passes | 414 (84%) |
Match events
0' KICKOFF!
19' Yellow Card for J. López (San Jose Earthquakes)
20' Yellow Card for C. Paredes (Portland Timbers)
27' Yellow Card for D. Chara (Portland Timbers)
34' GOAL! Scored by Y. Chara (Portland Timbers)
46' Substitution: P. Marie for A. Ríos (San Jose Earthquakes)
46' Substitution: M. López for T. Thompson (San Jose Earthquakes)
50' Yellow Card for E. Remedi (San Jose Earthquakes)
55' GOAL! Scored by D. Asprilla (Portland Timbers)
57' Yellow Card for D. Asprilla (Portland Timbers)
60' Substitution: C. Wondolowski for E. Remedi (San Jose Earthquakes)
60' Substitution: C. Cowell for B. Kikanovic (San Jose Earthquakes)
60' Substitution: C. Fierro for C. Espinoza (San Jose Earthquakes)
68' Substitution: G. Fochive for C. Paredes (Portland Timbers)
78' Substitution: S. Blanco for S. Moreno (Portland Timbers)
78' Substitution: J. Niezgoda for F. Mora (Portland Timbers)
85' Substitution: M. Loría for D. Asprilla (Portland Timbers)
90'
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