How did the big hairy gay man pass his final exams?

He was smarter than the average bear.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UncleBirdie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong...

But it takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/frazer_ives
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
When early man discovered that they could use sharp stones for hunting, it was a big deal.

It was cutting edge technology

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A man asked me for a dollar. I said I only carried big bills.

He asked me to give him one, so I gave him my electric bill.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/criosovereign
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Came out backwords / at a loss for words / just one big bowl of soup / proper punctuation: the colon / man,ure on a roll / just stirring the pot / poo-lease stop / can't. IOU potty humor / Y you say that? / It's fun, butt OK - mind my P's and Q's - I'll put lid on it
πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/barwhack
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2017
🚨︎ report
As a very fat man I took my kids horseback riding. I placed my youngest on a small horse and it huffed a bit. I put my oldest on a medium horse and it huffed a bit. I walked over to a rather large horse and tried to get up on it. His eyes got big...

And he went "Neigh! Neigh!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHobbitPimp
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Police are trying to confirm that a big group of crows killed a man in the park yesterday.

They've opened a murder investigation.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
🚨︎ report
How big is the difference between a man and a woman?

There's a vas deferens

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2016
🚨︎ report
Wow, if Hafthor the strongest man in Iceland is so big

How big do you think Wholethor is?!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Robbi86
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2014
🚨︎ report
What rock group has only four members and none of them sing?

Mount Rushmore

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
"Do you know what?"

My kids have gotten to saying this a bunch, so now I reply like a dad...

"Oh ya! We went to the same New Year's party once."

"Sure! He makes the best crab dip."

"Big beard? Lousy tipper?"

"The tattoo guy?"

"Biblically."

"Gave him a 5-star Uber review."

"He was the best man at my wedding."

"I think I owe him $20."

"The bouncer at the club!? How do YOU know him?"

"Doesn't he work at the bakery next to PetSmart?"

"I heard he once punched a cop and broke his nose!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uncorked119
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Laughing at the Law

A game warden caught a man fishing without a licence "You're going to have to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket," said the warden.

"But officer," the fisherman replied, "I didn't catch these - they are my pet fish and I just bring them here to swim. When they're done, they jump back in the bucket."

"Oh, really? This i've got to see. If you can prove it, i'll let you go without a fine."

The fisherman emptied the bucket into the lake and waited patiently. A few minutes went by and nothing happened.

"So where are the fish?" asked the warden.

"What fish?"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LoganWren
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.

Feefiphobia.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Pac-Man eat with his chips?

Guacawakamole.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GraeDaBoss
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What is Sean Connery's favourite time to go to Wimbledon?

Tennish.

RIP big man.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kiwi_Woz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A man and a women order a McDonalds

The man orders a Big Mac and a large fries. His wife orders a single cheeseburger. When the woman finishes her burger she glances at her husband. He has finished his burger and is moving onto the fries.

Still hungry, she looks at the fries and asks, 'Do you mind if I have a couple?'

He sighs and says, 'I suppose so,'

So she reaches over and takes a handful. The husband turns to her and asks, 'Is that a German couple?'

Confused, she responds, 'What is a German couple?'

He says, 'nein' as he slides his food out of her reach.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joe4nna
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Police have issued an appeal after receiving complaints from farmers that their Cows are being stolen during the night...

Apparently they are looking for a man with a big moo-stash.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/displaynone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The best way to get dad joked:

I know it's been done before, and many a dad before me and many a dad after me will get to experience this, but in these dark times this was a ray of light that pierced me right to the core with joy.

I came home, and my bright and bubbly ballerina 6 year old runs up and says can I have a hug!?

She asks very tentatively because she knows I have been out all day and the routine is for me to grab a shower (COVID) before I let them get all over me.

So I say, not yet I'm dirty.

She says awww... then she turns to walk away, but then spins back around and looks at me dead in the eye and says:

Hi! um...

wait a sec,

um, I know um,

um, wait.... dir...

[Face beams the biggest smile of accomplishment]

Hi Dirty! I'm [daughter]!

I know we have those proud moments when they turn, but man her delivery, the awkwardness, and the sheer pride she beamed out when she realized she just pulled the reverse dad joke on me...

It's not the getting reverse dad'd, it's the joy and pride she had... she could have just graduated college, and that's how big her beaming smile was right then...

It's a memory I am going to keep and it really lit up this dark time.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leyline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, β€œHoney, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”

He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, β€œTomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. β€œWell, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.”

β€œNo, she’s not.” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

β€œWell, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. β€œHer name is Sally and she’s selling batteries.”

β€œBatteries?” cried the wife.

β€œYes,” he replied. β€œShe sells C cells by the Seashore.”

πŸ‘︎ 96
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A bear walks into a bar..

He walks up to the bartender and says "Can I get a...................beer?" Bartender says "Why the big pause?" Bear responds "idk man I was born with them"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/idiesoonpls
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Bigamist…

What an Italian calls very thick fog

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman who has 4 sons that are all CEOs?

An executive producer!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Frankenstien23
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2014
🚨︎ report
my dad called me in the middle of class to tell me this joke

He was confused at what a habenero was, so he asked his Mexican friend who told him, "Of course man I can tell you." My dad asked to use it in a sentence. His friend said, "Alright, I wanted to go bow hunting but I didn't habanero."

I thought someone had died.

Edit: Spelled habanero wrong. Whoops. Also, wow this is big. I did not expect this much attention.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/angry-elf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2016
🚨︎ report
One day a guy dies...

...and finds himself in hell. Walking around, he runs into the devil.

Devil: Why are you so sad?

Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.

Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Diet Coke. We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more.

Guy: Gee, that sounds great.

Devil: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it.

Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our friggin' lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay -- you're already dead.

Guy: Golly!

Devil: I bet you like to gamble, too.

Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it. You like to do drugs?

Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean...?

Devil: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of the Titanic. You can do all the drugs you want, and you'll never die -- you're already dead.

Guy: Neat! I never realized hell was such a happenin' place!

Devil: You gay?

Guy: No.

Devil: Oh, you're gonna hate Fridays

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DylanTheG999
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad proved his dadness.

Me: "Why is this mustard green?"

Dad: "It's got dill in it."

Me: "Weird. Any good?"

Dad: "Yeah, it's dill-icious."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanocerous123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
🚨︎ report
A car cruising down a rural country suddenly backfires.

As the engine sputters and shuts down the woman driving the car steers toward a nearby driveway and honks the horn hoping to get the attention of a guy herding cattle in the distance. Sure enough within a minute the man has ridden his horse over to her. He dismounts and gives a happy β€œHello! Sounds like you’re having some car trouble. Can I help at all?” The woman replies that she’s not sure what happened but that she would love some help. They pop the hood and the man says he thinks he can fix the problem but has to run back to his barn to get some tools. The cows have come to see what’s going on and as the farmer gets ready to leave he says β€œDon’t worry about your car. I’ll have it running in a few minutes. Just head over there to the shade of the tree by the fence. The cows are all friendly. Bessy there likes to have her ear rubbed, Albert likes to look at people, and Mare will just moo a grand ole tune.” All of it is true and within 20 minutes the woman is happily sitting in her car with the engine running better than before. β€œThank you so much, you’re a life saver,” she says. The man smiles and lets out a big laugh before saying β€œI’m glad I could help. But I’m no life saver. I’m just a jolly rancher.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/foyeldagain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A man sat in a restaurant....

... he was single and treated himself to a nice evening. Next to his table sat this gorgeus woman. Red hairs, curvy body, green eyes and the most beautiful smile he has ever seen.

He thought about how he could approach her, but just couldn't figure out a good way. Suddenly she sneezed and her glass eye came flying out straight at him. He jumped up and caught it before it hit the ground. They started to talk, one thing lead to the next and they ended up at her place.

A night of sexytime followed, and the next morning he woke up to the smell of fresh toast, eggs and coffee. She awaited him in the kitchen with a great big breakfast.

"No woman has ever treated me so nice.", he said, "You are just perfect. Do you do this for every man you meet?"

"No.", she replied....

"but you just happened to catch my eye."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Let me know if any of these make you laugh!
  1. What's a dentist's favorite time? Tooth-hurty!
  2. How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
  3. I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.
  4. The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. Wow, it was tense!
  5. All my lamps are gone... and I couldn't be more de-lighted!
  6. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  7. Chemists give the best advice, they've got all the solutions.
  8. A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, β€œNo, I’m traveling light.”
  9. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.
  10. I had to make these bad science jokes because all the good ones Argon.

Did any of them make you laugh? Don't tell me no pun in ten did!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BrujaBean
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Puns at the library!
πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CakeBoss16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2013
🚨︎ report
A man comes up with a great idea for a new shipping method

A young man comes up with a great idea for a new shipping method. He designs everything himself, hires people to create models, and deduces that he can use old fashioned boating technology to increase shipping speeds by up to 350%. This is obviously a great innovation, so he calls up a former Business professor from college and gets into contact with a manufacturer. The manufacturer makes the man come in and present his design to the board of directors, so they schedule a meeting in two weeks.

At the meeting, the board is blown away. The man’s charisma, design, and equations all point to a massive innovation in shipping. The company is poised to make a huge profit. Construction starts immediately.

On his flight back, the man happens to sits next to his old buddy from high school, Jimmy. Jimmy tells the man that he has just blown the farming world wide open. His new GMO potato produces five times as much energy and has been the talk of the world. Jimmy says that all the news outlets have been reporting potatoes to be the next big superfood, and his design is poised to make him millions, if not billions of dollars. Jimmy pitches the man for the entire plane ride, and convinced him. They hop on the next flight back to visit the board of directors once again. The board is shocked. Both ideas stand to make billions of dollars for the company, but there is one slight problem.

The CEO says to the man, β€œwe know you have these two ideas. However, we can only allocate enough resources to make one of them profitable. I recommend you take some time off and really decide which of these ideas you want our company to produce. We can schedule a meeting in a few weeks if that works for you.”

The man says right back to the CEO, β€œI’m going to take a walk and clear my head. This is a big decision” and walks right out of the room.

Not even five seconds later the man comes back into the room and says β€œI’ve made my decision. Let’s go with the shipping method.” This shocks the CEO, who says β€œare you sure?? This is a billion dollar decision and you only took five seconds to think about it.”

The man looks back at him and says β€œwell, in this business time is moneyβ€” so I decided to make my decision schooner rather than tater”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BearGuru
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My Jalen Hurts Dad jokes based on the Oklahoma move. (For the sports fans)
  1. Huh Oklahoma seems like an OK move for him.
  2. Aw man I hate Oklahoma never thought he would Stoopsolow.
  3. Well I guess the news was going to come out Sooner or later.
  4. Not surprising I heard multiple reports Lincoln him to the Big 12.
  5. I bet Oklahoma fans are Riley happy today.
  6. (The obvious one) this move really Hirts Alabama’s title chances this year.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coffeegrounds55
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad can string this joke out forever. I've seen it go for 20 minutes.

A man gets a new job at the zoo.

On his first day, he still doesn't really understand what exactly he's meant to do, just that it involves the Gorillas. He goes and checks in and the manager sits him down to explain.

"Now look," says the manager, "We've been having some troubles lately with our gorilla. He was acting up, getting really agitated with the environment, so we had to send him away. We told the people that enclosure's being repaired, but we're actually looking for a new gorilla - can you do it for us?"

The man is unsure, but he needs the money, so he agrees, puts on a gorilla suit and goes out there. At first he's a bit mopey, so he sits around a lot.

After a couple of days he begins to warp up and eats a couple of bananas and wanders around a little.

Over the course of the next few weeks he becomes progressively more outgoing, moving around, playing in the jungle gym, hollering around and beating his chest. He's a big hit and everything's going really well for him, until one day he's on his monkey bars and getting really into it, but he slips and flies through the air, over the pit, clears the fence and lands in a pile of bushes in the next enclosure.

He is just beginning to pick himself up, when out of the corner of his eye, he sees something in the foliage.

A pair of eyes lock with his.

It moves closer.

He knows this is it.

He begins to pray.

Suddenly the creature leaps and tackles him - the biggest, ugliest lion he's ever seen!

It leans in close.

He can see every gleaming tooth in it's mouth

He can smell the lion's breath

It opens it's mouth

And from inside the lion he hears a whisper.

"Make this good or we'll both lose our jobs."

πŸ‘︎ 660
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toggle2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2013
🚨︎ report
I was standing in line at an ATM

There were 4 people ahead of me, and the ATM itself is inside a small structure with big glass windows that could pass as a miniature storefront. An older man walked by us and yelled "Must be a sale on money!"

Only I laughed. There was even a dad in line with his daughter who didn't get it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostlyImage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Brainstorming food/movie theme nights. It es-kale-lated quickly. Only thing in my Bumble profile now.

When Harry Met Salad

What About Ke-Bob

Cumin to America

Weekend at Bearneaise II

Steakin I, II, & III

A Few Good Salmon

You’ve Got Kale

Shawshank Re-Dim Sum

Romancing the Scone

An Γ‰clair to Remember

Roman Hollandaise

Glazed and Confused

Bill & Ted’s Eggcellent Adventure

The Evil Bread

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Shrimp

Fondue the Right Thing

Ribeyes Wide Shut

Mignons

Plante of the Grapes

Spider Manchu

Sushis All That

A Wok to Remember

Marsala-la Land

Apocalypse Cow

Die Chard

Die Chard with a Vinaigrette

Hogan’s Gyros

The Sand Latkes

A League of their Macaroni

Revenge of the Curds

Rush S’More

Braising Arizona

Demolition Ham

10 Things I hate About Ewe

Saladin

Oliver and Com-penne

Dirty Rotten Chanterelles

Sex and the Satay

The Truth About Cats & Hotdogs

Morella Enchanted

Provolone Together

Clear and Pheasant Danger

The Big Chili

LΓ©mon: The Professional

Ava-Tartare

Hocous Pocous

High Fi-Deli Meat

Madagascargot

The Fifth Elementos

Muensters Inc.

There’s Something About Rosemary

I Am Ham

Quiche Lorraine Man

Barley & Me

Lentil Giants

Peggy SoufflΓ© Got Married

Face Stroganoff

Con GruyΓ©re

Fast Times at Porridgemont High

Bok Choys in the Hood

Papillonion

Requinoa for a Dream

Serial Cardamom

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kat_fogg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm taking an improv class [shaggy dog]

and today, we were playing a game of "Yes, Let's!" If you're unfamiliar, that's a group improv exercise where one person says "Let's do a thing!" and everybody else replies "Yes, let's!" and then proceeds to act out the scene. After acting out said scene, somebody freezes, then everybody freezes, and then someone else starts one.

In this case, it was "Let's go to a Michael Jackson tribute concert!" Now, we'd just been coached to assume distinct roles in an attempt to construct a coherent narrative, and so I, as an awkward, scrawny, blond white man, slipped effortlessly into the role of a shitty Michael Jackson impersonator. And I must have been doing something right, because the rest of the group quickly formed a scene as the audience, security, and crew, and stupidity ensued as I sucked at being Michael Jackson for all I was worth.

A few people started heckling, and then one of the audience members barged past security and mimed punching me in the head, whereupon I dramatically spun and dropped to the floor with a resounding THUD (knowing how to fall is a useful skill). The reaction was about a third laughs, a third stage-gasps, and a third just confusion. But I did get a few compliments after the exercise on my impression and my theatrics.

So I'd say that was a pretty big hit.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2017
🚨︎ report
Old man at Subway explained to me why mermaids wear sea shells on their chest

I was in line at Subway and this older man was in front of me. He looked back and said, "Do you know why mermaids wear sea shells on their chests? Because "B" shells are too small and "D" shells are too big."

I gave him a chuckle and a "That's a good one".

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jualbers
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Bit long: There is a world where...

There is a world where everyone is a cheerio and there are 4 main ranks. There is the plain cheerio then the chocolate cheerio then then the rainbow cheerio and then finally King cheerio himself. In this world there is a man called Steve, Steve was a plain cheerio working at a Mc. donalds. He found working there very boring, so he saved up enough money to get a surgery to become a chocolate cheerio. And so he got the surgery and now he was able to be manager at the Mc. Donalds he was working at. However he still didn't feel as if this was enough so he saved up enough money to get another surgery to become a rainbow cheerio. Now that he was a rainbow cheerio he owned Mc. Donalds itself. As a celebration king cheerio hosted a party at his mansion for Steve's new job. During the party Steve got a chance to speak with the King and he asked him how it was to be a the king, but the king replied that it was extremely exhausting to be the king. So Steve decided that he didn't want to be king. After his conversation he felt thirst so headed over to the drinks building. On the first floor he new he could get bear which he wanted, but as he arrived he noticed that the line was too big. So Steve went up to the next floor where there was wine, but again the line was too big. On the third floor there was Coke, but just like the other floors the line was too big. He also new that on the 5th floor there was milk which was his favourite. So he thought that might as well skip the 4th floor to get milk. But he changed his mind has he walked by the 4th floor as he saw the sign that they where serving punch and as he realised there wasn't any punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/51MOE
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
🚨︎ report
It takes a big man to admit his mistakes

But it takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/koality1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
It takes a big man to admit his mistake.

But it takes a bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Messicanhero
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong.

But it takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
It takes a big man to admit when they're wrong...

But it takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gazhole
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.