prologue
it was apparent to everyone that john bates had everything. he had hoes, he had money and he had bitches. John Bates was everyone's favorite person.
on one particular morning, john bates woke up to find his mistress missing.
An evil being has found its way into john bates life and he has only so much time before he can beat it and "beat off" into his mistress.
chapter 1 John has a hunch
John woke up to find his morning wood completely missing. There was absolutely no trace of seminal fluid in his pants at all. 'strange' he mumbled.
Yes, indeed, this was VERY strange. John bates have never woken up without a morning wood in his life. John bates penis worked exceptionally well, it was the best penis any doctor has ever seen.
John was touching he pennies when his butler walked in with his breakfasdt
'Master bates, glad to see you up this morning, how is your penis'
'SHUT THE FUCK UP, OK? WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT MY PENIS? ARE YOU GAY? BUTLER GAY?? MORE LIKE BUTT-HIT-LER!??!??'
'thank you sir'
The butler gay placed his breakfast at the foot of the bed
'How the fuck am i supposed to reach that'
'with your hands sir' mumbled the gay butler
'bring my breakfast in bed TO MY BED YOU DUMBASS!!!!'
'of course, sir' sobbed the gay butler
'yes... that's it you dumb piece of shit I'm going to get you fired'
'of course sir'
then john bates, with the power of a million knives punched the gay butler in the face, which promptly turned in to million gay tiny meat cubes.
'yea' john nodded in appreciation
he picked up the newspapper that was laid neatly beside his cereal and started reading it. the picture on the front page of this morning's news featured a black man holding a spaceship while a china man stared from the background. the black man had apparently made a small model of a spaceship but a chinese man took credit for the work, John did not know the exact details because he was illiterate, but he was very smart and could deduce the entire article from a picture.
' yes...' john taught ' the injustice the black man has faced has gone for far too long!' he raised his fist in solidartiy, ' black lives matter...' he exclaimed.
he ran his hands across the picture of the black man,' I'm going to call you... Jerome...and you... the china man... I'm going to call you... eric...'
He then spent the rest of the morning coming up with different scenarios where John beats up eric to save the inventions of a black man while eating his favori
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There's a lot of hate for Mr. Bates on this sub, but I think it's time to reevaluate him. Bates is flawed no doubt, but he's a complex character whose good side outweighs his shortcomings in my opinion.
First of all, he is one of the smartest characters in the show. I find his shrewdness fascinating. Bates is a force to be reckoned with and is always ten steps ahead of anyone who crosses him. He's very intelligent and can figure things out instantly. He's also not a pushover. If you try to harm him in any way, he will slip between your fingers and hamstring you before you can say another word. If you mess with his wife, he will be even more determined to assert himself.
Bates is incredibly passionate, sometimes to a fault. He has a visceral, deep-seated sense of honour and duty that he will defend at all costs. Whether it's leaving Downton to protect the reputation of Robert's family, confronting Thomas about his slimy behaviour in the early seasons, almost killing Mr. Green or refusing to take money without working ("I'll only take a wage for a job done"), his sense of honour and duty is unmoving. This could stem from his time as a soldier. But his zeal makes him aggressive and temperamental. His unhinged passion can be harmful. This is why Anna is afraid to divulge certain things to Bates. Not because he's abusive, but because his rage is self-destructive if it's allowed to flourish.
Bates is, without a shadow of a doubt, a compassionate character who refuses to conform to the misogynistic paradigms of Edwardian society. Women were afraid to speak up about sexual assault because society had convinced them that victims were dishonourable and deserved shame. Bates rejects this outright and becomes even more supportive of Anna after finding out what happened. Anna felt ashamed that she was unable to bear children (once again, women were relegated to being subservient child-bearers), but Bates rejects this. He is always supportive no matter what.
Bates is a well-meaning character. His unhinged passion and blind rage are the problems, not his morality.
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In these recaps, but not in real life, Josh is done being a creepy creep for now, and we're back to business as usual at the Duggar house. Or rather not business as usual, because the Bates family is coming to visit. If you haven't heard about the Bateses, they're the other Fundie family with too many kids and a TV show, only back then, they only had too many kids and no TV show yet. But boy howdy, were they angling for one right then and there!
Before the Bates arrive, the episode opens with Michelle talking about parenting instead of actually parenting, while all the younger kids (yes, even the boys!) play in what looks like a pastel kid-sized dollhouse, and Johannah (who eerily looks like both Meredith and Mackynzie Duggar) happily chokes Jackson with her frilly apron. In Michelle's defense, both kids are still laughing, but still, it doesn't seem to be a thing you should be encouraging unless you have so many that losing one wouldn't be that bad? Anyway, Michelle says, "When you have children, you're gonna have noise. And that's good. I mean, that's not a bad thing. It can be fun, and it can be toned down. They can learn to be, you know, noisy outside when they're playing, versus being noisy in the house." And uh... Michelle, I hate to break it to you, but that is not the big brain parenting hot take you think it is, and I'm also pretty sure that this little clip is right there at the beginning of the episode because things are gonna get very noisy later. Let's see if that is true!
Johannah feeling cute and strangling her brother a little.
Michelle seems genuinely enthusiastic about the Bates' arrival, way more enthusiastic than she's ever been about her children, and then the Bates explain, "We met the Duggars a long time ago, at a conference for men helping to raise their children." Which is one of the more impressive self-owns I've heard lately (and I have been following the trial), because lots of men manage
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It just surprises me that for all the setting up and arranging marriages boob and meech haven’t married a kid off to the bates (yet)
On the websters’ recent q&a, they answered the question they’re asked the most- did you kiss before marriage?
Alyssa says yes and then john’s eyes go really wide. She says that she’s telling secrets lol. She said that they kissed a lot A LOT before marriage and her dad asked her about it and she said that they did. John also told his dad. They also told their wedding party so it wasn’t a huge secret. they said that they weren’t very good at kissing either.
I’m not surprised tbh and I think literally only Erin, Michael and Tori waited. But we know for sure that zach and Whitney, Alyssa and John and Josie and Kelton kissed before marriage. I guarantee Esther and Nathan and Lawson and Tiffany have kissed too.
More interesting tidbits- they both wanted to break up with each other during courtship but never did it. They fought a lot during their first year of marriage and still fight. And that they don’t want to make any permanent decisions on whether maci is their last.
DeJoy feeling the heat now.
U.S. District Judge John D. Bates on Tuesday granted Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW) a full summary judgment(pdf) and ordered the United States Postal Service (USPS) to give the advocacy group seven documents it requested under the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA).
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Supposedly from I keep hearing from everyone I have been talking to about the draft keep saying they hear that Brevin Jordan has some serious character concerns. Also a YouTuber I have been watching live said the same thing a bit after he saw Jordan falling so far. So maybe Ron saw this and chose to skip over him. Take this with a grain of salt since I personally don't know if these "rumors" are true.
My butler won't be amused though.
All I'm saying is there are striking similarities: for example, the Riverside killer sabotaged Bates' car in order to offer her help (maybe drive her home in his car). On Highway 32, Kathleen Johns' car was sabotaged and the same guy then offered to drive her to the nearest gas station. There are some reports saying that the killer of Cheri Jo Bates talked with her and walking away from her car and murdering her wasn't really the first thing that happened. This is similar to how the guy in the car drove around Tracy, CA for hours without stopping. Cheri Jo Bates' killer also - acc. to his confession - warned her by saying "It's about time... time for you to die". Kathleen Johns was reportedly told in the car that; before she would die, the guy would throw her baby out. What do you guys think?
Do any of the married Bates kids attend the Big Sandy conference? Or have they all distanced from that?
