A list of puns related to "Big Hole"
"Might as well"
It sucks.
Don't worry, there is another one on the horizon
She was not pleased to see me grinning and pointing at myself.
SarChasm.
Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.
Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.
Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.
But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."
It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.
You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.
In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.
This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un
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Their method for hunting polar bears was the most interesting. They would start a fire out on a deep snow bank, and essentially melt a hole in the snow. Once the hole was big enough they would stop feeding it firewood and let it burnout on its own. Once the fire had gone down and was nothing more than smoldering ashes with a little bit of smoke, they would line the edge of the fire pit with snow peas.
All they had to do from there is hide and wait. Once a bear caught scent of the smoke and starts to investigate, the bear would eventually start eating some of the peas. Then they sneak up behind it and kick it in the ash-hole.
Rolling back 40 yrs or so, here's the story I told to my 2nd grade class.
To catch an elephant, you first need to go to the jungle where elephants are found. Then you cut down all the trees in a big circle, and dig a hole out. Put the trees in the hole and burn them down to ashes. Carefully line the edge of the hole with peas.
And when an Elephant comes to take a Pea, you kick him in the Ash-Hole!
Everyone about died. Hell, even the teacher and principal were laughing about it. Dad was amused. Mom was not.
1 - Dig a huge hole, big enough for an elephant.
2 - Light a giant wood fire in the hole and let it burn out completely.
3 - Set peanuts out around the edge of the hole as bait.
4 - When an elephant starts eating the bait, quickly run up behind him and kick him in the ash hole!
Well first, you need a can of peas and a saw. Next, you take that saw and cut a big hole in the ice. Take that can of peas and put peas all around the hole and wait. When the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
We are renovating our bathroom. Almost finished all we have left is to hang the door. He measures the door frame and asks me "How big is the door?" i looked him dead in the eyes and replied "Big enough to fit the hole"
There was a brief pause then we both broke out into laughter.
I asked my Dad if I could borrow his brown belt. He said sure, but when I tried it on the prong went 4in past the last hole.
Me: "Dad, it's too big"
Dad: "What? Let me see that."
puts belt on himself and hooks into the second loop
Dad: "I don't know what you're talking about, this fits just fine"
Dad: I tried ice fishing once. Didn't really like it.
Me: Why not? Too cold?
Dad: No. It took me 4 hours to make a hole big enough for the boat.
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
I was driving to the gym with him and saw a big hole where some cobstruction* was under way for a new building. I thought it was strange that there weren't any piles with the excess dirt, and said "I wonder what they do with all of the dirt."
My dad had a pretty solid grasp on things- "I think they bury it"
Why is an elephant big, gray and wrinkled?
Because if it was small, pink and puckered it would be an ass hole.
Like what the fuck?
My dad saw me about to make some chicken noodle soup. Knowing I wasn't feeling well he offered to make it for me instead. I accepted his offer and sat down on the couch. Once it was done, my dad hands me a bowl of the hot soup and extends a spoon towards me. I look at the spoon but notice as I'm about to grab it, it's one of those strainer spoons, the big ones with the holes in it. I give him a dumbfounded look, and he proceeds to bust out laughing as he takes a normal spoon out from behind his back, hands it to me, and walks back to the kitchen chuckling to himself the whole way. Gotta love that guy.
GF: I wear this skirt so much I think it's getting holes in it.
Me: I see two big holes in it.
GF: Where?!
Me: (points) Right at the bottom and right at the top
GF: (punches me)
We've been burning a lot of junk wood and had a huge pile of ashes. (Works better when you imagine it spoken out loud)
Me: What am I supposed to do with all these ashes?
Dad: Use them to catch a bear!
Me: what?
Dad: Well, you dig a big hole and put all the ashes in the bottom. Then you line the hole with peas. When the bear reaches for the peas, you kick him in the ash hole!
I told him his dad jokes are getting better.
Dad: "All my socks have big holes in them!"
Me: "Yeah that's how you get your foot in..."
Because in there nothing is the matter
Cut a big hole in the ice, and put peas around it. When the bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.
You cut a big hole in the ice and put a circle of peas around it.
When he comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole.
-my dad, driving to our skiing trip.
First, go out on a frozen lake and cut a BIG hole in the ice. Then, take a few handfuls of peas and sprinkle them evenly around the hole. Finally, when a polar bear comes up to take a pea, run up behind him and kick him in the icehole.
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