Bible Basketball Puns

Oh, sorry, I was just giving ideas to the people who still want to hop on the “I got my first BJ” trend before everyone starts hating it

Chapter 1: Michael Jordan

In the beginning, there was Jordan. I often wonder if my first word was “Michael” because I do not remember a time when I did not know his name. He played basketball with Bugs Bunny. That’s the truth for us nineties babies. In my first memories of the NBA, the Lakers were kings, but Michael Jordan was still God.

One time in high school, I played Michael’s nephew in a Thanksgiving tournament. His nephew scored eight points and got a highlight video made of him. It’s on YouTube.

Michael Jordan was at the game. No one watched us. Not even us players. We all watched Jordan.

God sat in the corner of a high school gymnasium. He wore a white sweater. He had the earring. My mother took sneaky selfies of herself while trying to get Jordan in the background. He was with family but sat a few rows up from them by himself. He looked at peace.

I had ten points that game, two more than his nephew, and no one will ever remember except me. I’ll probably forget in a year or two, but I will never forget that Michael Jordan attended one of my basketball games. It became the fun fact I shared in college every first day of a new semester.

I wrote English essays in my college house while watching NBA finals games. Everyone should go watch the 79’ Super Sonics. They are a delight. Gus Williams is the best basketball player no one my age has heard of.

But Jordan’s tear through the nineties is my favorite stretch of finals history because he had a dominance over the league that I truly believe we will never witness again. He left his mark, which was: My name is Michael Jordan and I am better at this game than anyone who has played basketball ever, and I will be better than anyone that comes after me.

This is my Gospel.

Basketball is spiritual, not religious. But like religion, basketball has trends, which lead to change. I believe the NBA is experiencing the most radical change, stylistically that is, in the history of the game. Modern players play different. They look different. They are different.

Michael was a messiah who motivated two generations of imitators who tried to play “Like Mike.” Even Romeo wanted to be Jordan (I wrote this sentence, then did a google search. Lil’ Bow Wow was the kid in Like Mike. I’m keeping the sentence.).

From early childhood, I learned the best player got the ball at the end of the game. Every basketball team has a best player. Every basketball team has someone trying to be a great leader. Every basketball has

Peter, because he denied Jesus three times.

Think about it: Curry looks half black, which is similar to the people who came from Jerusalem at that time. So Jesus had slightly dark skin. He was also a lot shorter than normal people now, and Curry is short for the basketball court. He performed miracles, sort of like tonight and the game against the Thunder. Also, people hated him for liking different people. Curry has the utmost respect for everyone on the court and never trashes anybody. Sounds oddly similar to me.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

I'll go first, gang members can hand their beer bottle to other gang members

Hi Everyone - I’m a prospective high school student. I’m interested in Finance and would like to attend a religious college. I am a big fan of BYU men’s and women’s basketball! I go to games whenever then come down to California.

I have been raised Catholic. I attend church every Sunday, have gone to Bible class since 1st grade, am part of the church ministry, and read the Bible daily. I respect the LDS religion and how much emphasis there is on family. I want to be apart of the Newman Catholic Center at BYU, however, am always open to learning and attending LDS service.

I understand BYU’s honor code and what it means. However, I’m concerned about my social life being non-LDS. Will my faith prevent me from making friends and being involved on campus?

I have a friend, who is extremely vocal about her christanity and has been in multiple groups with her church. She has invited me to her church a few times, and they do lunch afterwards. Sometimes she invited me only for lunch, and I really liked spending time with her and the other church members. No one speaks about God, or Jesus at lunch... however, the church services are naturally based around beliefs that are Christain.

Alhamdillah, I am a Muslim. The thing is, I am invited to a lot of the young adult gatherings for her Church and the fellowships. They enjoy my presence as much as I enjoy theirs. The gatherings include games like mafia, or team building games, and gooood food, sometimes a potluck which I participate in where I bring something equally yummy.

Everyone knows that I am a Muslim, and I do not believe in some of the same things as them, however they welcome me with open arms.

I don't know if it is because I turned 30 this year or what but I don't want to go anymore bc of the bible study.... There is usually a bible study and a song singing part of these gatherings. This part is usually 30 minutes or so, out of a 3-4 hour affair, but I feel like I am no longer comfortable with participating in that. I feel weird during this part, and think about a lot of things usually causing me to resent my friend.

Example: Why doesn't she invite me to non-religious gatherings anymore? And a lot of other things like that, so I want to stop going however not kill the friendship. Any wisdom or experience with this? Or suggestions how to tell her how I feel before the next gathering?

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

E. King Gill was a 3-sport athlete (one of the last SWC athletes to letter in all 3 sports), who played on the football team until the t.u. game in 1921. After the season, since he stood at a tall 6' 4", Aggie Basketball coach E.E. McQuillen asked for him to be released, and Coach Bible agreed.

37 days later, the Aggies are playing the Centre College Praying Colonels in the Dixie Classic, what would eventually become the Cotton Bowl. Coach Bible only brought 16 or 17 (of a total 36 players) to the game to play, King Gill not being one of them. King Gill actually hitchhiked to Dallas and over to Fair Park Stadium, where he snuck into the game with his former teammates when the A&M team got off the bus. King Gill would stand on the sideline with a teammates during the pregame period.

Waiting for kickoff, a local sports writer, Jinx Tucker, asked Coach Bible if he could get a spotter to identify players during plays. Coach Bible told him to King Gill will help, giving King Gill a seat in the press box identifying players.

As the game went on, Centre College played a very physical game, and after several injuries, Coach Bible realized if another player was injured, they would be forced to forfeit. Knowing this, he waved King Gill down to the field, where he dressed in the uniform of injured teammate Heine Weir so he could play if needed. King Gill would not play, and the Aggies ended up winning 22-14.

"I've never thought the 12th man really belonged to a personality. It belongs to the A&M student body" -Dr. E. King Gill as the keynote speaker during the 1964 Aggie Muster.

Gill would go on to coach football in Greenville, TX, graduate from Baylor Medical School, and serve as a Colonel and a surgeon in the USAF during the war. After the war, he would practice in Corpus Christi and was known as "Big King".

"And every one of you, can be a 12th Man, if you stand up for what's right and be ready to serve, and these traditions will grow more valuable to you as you get old. So, it's my wish, here today, that you preserve these traditions. It's made me a better Aggie; it'll make you a better Aggie. Those are my thoughts today. If it helped a little bit, I'm thankful I was here." -E. King Gill.

[Front page of the Batt, issued 25 Nov 1921 (the day after a 0-0 tie with t.u.). Note the use of the term \"12th Man\" to describe the A&M student section before the Dixie Classic game.](https://preview.redd.it/yny8i8wm6e981.jpg?width=1080&format=

They’re on standbi

-Deluxe album is apparently in the works and Let Go is on it

-Kanye is half vaccinated

-Kanye purposely doesn’t have a house because but considers the bags of stuff he brings with him around the world his “home”

-Dragons are in the Bible

-Seems like him and Drake are somewhat civil and are both helping Larry Hoover JR to spread the message

-This man absolutely hates Big Sean and John Legend

-Donda basketball team is the Doves

-He played jail pt2 at LP3 to troll Jay Z who he knew was watching

-He still very clearly took his presidential campaign seriously

-He somewhat sympathizes with Manson

-He’s trying to create homeless shelters as well as Orphanages to prevent the aborting of black babies

-For some reason loves to still bring up the margret sangert KKK thing

-Baby Ye can’t do math

-Kanye is back to drinking and smoking as well as cursing in public

-Thinks he’s a artist and that white people calling him a rapper is equivalent to calling him the N Word

-Him and Kim aren’t officially divorced and there are no official proceedings taking place

-He hates TikTok

-I think he was hinting at making Ye a publicly traded brand at the end but not sure

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

Hi!

Selling a bunch of gameboy games : US (boxed , loose, manuals), Japanese (boxed, loose) and Chinese / CHN (loose) .
All are authentic and tested .
Located in the US . Prices not including shipping . International shipping possible. Can send more pictures of boards / cartes upon request.

Pictures of the games : https://imgur.com/a/7ab454R

Thanks!

US games

Boxed

Bases loaded (no tray) $15
Battle arena toshinden $150
Battleship $25
Castlevania adventures $160
Donkey kong land 3 $90
F1 race longbox $30
Mario’s picross $180
Mega man (players choice) $170
Mega man 2 (players choice) $180
Mortal kombat 2 $80
Motocross maniacs (no manual) $20
Nobunaga’s ambition $100
Operation c $200
Paperboy $80
Q billion $60
Side pocket $35
Super mario land $130 (not the green screen / first print)
Super mario land 2 (no manual) $100
The punisher $250
Wario land $90
Zelda link’s awakening (players choice) $150

Loose

4 in 1 funpak $5
4 in 1 funpak 2 $5
Adams family pugsley scavenger hunt $20
Aerostar $55
Aladdin $12
Alleyway $5
Animaniacs $15
Amazing penguin --sold
Arcade classics 3 galaga / galaxian $12
Atomic punk $15
Avenging spirit $200
Barbie game girl $17
Bart and the beanstalk $45
Baseball $5
Bases loaded $3
Batman animated series ---sold
Batman forever $10
Batman return of the joker --sold Battletoads in ragnarok --sold
Battletoads vs double dragon ---sold
Battle bull --sold
Battle unit zeoth $25
Beetlejuice $60
Bionic battler $10
Blaster master boy $100
Boggle plus --sold
Bomberman gb --sold
Boxxle 2 $30
Brainbender $10
Brain drain --sold
Bubble ghost $25
Burgertime deluxe $20
Buster bros $60
Caesar’s palace $3
Casino $3
Casper $8
Castlevania 2 $85
Castlevania legends $170
Castelian $20
Centipede $5
Centipede (accolade) --sold
Championship pool $5
Chase hq $12
Chuck rock --sold
Cliffhanger --sold
Cosmotank $15
Crash test dummies $12
Crystal quest $12
Cyraid --sold
Daedalian opus $8
Daffy duck --sold
Days of thunder --sold
Dead heat scramble --sold
Desert strike $10
Dexterity $8
Dick tracy $85
Dr franken --sold
Dr franken 2 $15
Dr mario $10
Dracula --sold
Dragon’s lair --sold
Duck tales 2 $30
Elite soccer $15
Extra bases --sold
F1 race $5
F1 p

I won't be doing that today!

Hebron James