What spice do mothers love best?

Cardamom!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsBunnyPants26
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2022
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I love to swim in the best fishing spots!

I’m Hooked!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourAnimateJonnyV
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2022
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You know what’s the best thing about falling in love with a Light?

They are easy to turn on

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2022
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What do you call it when you make love to your best friend?

Bestieality

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrewszabo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2021
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What do sleepy crows love best?

Cawffee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellaHellerson
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2021
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I tried my best lmfao I love puns so much πŸ˜‚
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoachCoach110
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2021
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One of my best friends made this for me for my birthday. I love it
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GTS_jduartemiller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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I just told my best mate how much I love Beyonce.

She said 'whatever floats your boat'. So I said no, that's buoyancy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Searleyjosh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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My best friend has fallen in love with a banana

I don't see the appeal myself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Makalash
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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Started a pun website where I just basically post the best puns I find on the internet. Would love your opunions! badjokesnobs.com
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πŸ‘€︎ u/badjokesnobs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2013
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I always love visiting my parents for Thanksgiving. My Mom makes the best sauce for our Eggs Benedict. I guess it’s true...

...there’s no place like home for the hollandaise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/impulsive-ideas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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If Peter Frampton was a bodybuilder his best song would be "Baby I love your whey"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TreeFittyy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2016
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'Fried Egg, I'm In Love' - best pun name for a food cart? friedegglove.com
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jetglo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2013
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What is the best dad joke of all time?

My husband has loved dad jokes since before he became a dad, please let me know the best ones you’ve got!

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2023
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The joke that made all of my coworkers groan

I work in long term healthcare and every year, we fill out a sheet that details what is Important To and Important For for every person that we support just to help keep things in perspective.

During our meeting, my supervisor said, "okay, that's the Important To. Let's move on to Important For.

I raised my hand and said, "Wait! You skipped Important Three!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uuuhhhh24
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2022
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I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.

She’s a singer songwriter, or sew it seams

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NikonDexter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2022
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Apparently not a joke

I'm a son without a father... I lost him a few days ago to a heart attack and I just... can't stop crying

We both used to check out this sub daily for amazing dad jokes and laugh at them together... We'd try to form our own stupid stuff

I used to wake up for college early in the morning I'd cook some breakfast for him get ready and before leaving I'd wake him up and tell him a stupid dad joke... I'd want to see him start his day with a smile

I just want to thank you all in this sub for giving me and my dad happiness your jokes made us laugh at our worst times

Out of habit I keep getting up to go to his room with a dad joke... Only to see it empty

I'm never gonna get to mess around with my dad again... I'm never going to hang out with him again he's not going to be there to see me grow up and buy a house of my own ... He's not going to see me buy a car of own ... He's not going to see me get married... He's gone forever and I will never get to start my day with a smile again from a silly dad joke with him

He wasn't the greatest dad but he certainly was the best I could ever ask for ... I will miss you dad

Thank you r/dadjokes to all the amazing dads here and their funny and stupid jokes

Edit : thank you so much dad's for your overwhelming support I love you guys and I just want to take a moment to thank all the people here who shared their experiences as well of having lost a parent... Your story inspires me to continue forward with the torch

Also I'm seeing quite a few comments saying the post is not funny and that they came for a laugh... I'm truly sorry about that, I just really wanted to honor my dad in this sub since we spent so much time together here scrolling for jokes and I needed the push from you dads to get back on my feet

I'm never going to be the same that's for sure knowing a peice of me has been lost forever... The void will never be filled in my heart But your support is just what I needed, once again thank you dads I love you

Edit 2: thank you so much dads for your overwhelming support I know I haven't been able to respond to all the dms and messages here but I've been reading them all and it's just made me smile in the worst Thank you dads you guys are the best

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πŸ‘€︎ u/farzad6969
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2022
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This guy told his therapist . . .

This guy told his therapist that he was terrified of random letters.

β€œYou are?” asked the therapist.

And the guy started screaming.

The therapist looked puzzled by this, then he understood.

β€œOh, I see,” said the therapist.

And the screaming intensified.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2022
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what's good for water in brain?

a tap on the head

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MistrzKomedii657
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2022
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If you or your loved one is suffering from mesothelioma, call the best doctors you can find.

They'll help you asbestos they can.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NormPhyte
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2022
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Had the best spur of the moment joke tonight.

Spilled red wine all over my side-couch table and the book I was reading. My sister in law (over for the holidays) grabbed the book, (already soaked with Cabernet) I told her β€œyou can keep it, but it’s already half RED” I was so proud of myself but got not a single chuckle. I knew this was the place to report my major dad joke accomplishment. Edit*

By the way, I work in hospice and the book was β€œ β€œBeing Mortal” by Atul Gawande. It’s an amazing read for anyone facing end of life. If it is you, or someone you love. Not to abuse my post,but it’s a best read! I am in no way associated or benefiting from any sales of this book.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Callmechampion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2022
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I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda.

Turns out it was just a Fanta sea ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maurimoz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2022
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I found a pretty killer recipe for Moroccan rolls

The recipe called for fresh thyme, but I only had old, dried out thyme, but I was lazy and didn't want to go to the store, so I made them anyway. They came out really good! Amazing!

I still sit around and think about those old thyme Moroccan rolls

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerExecChef
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2022
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Assistance Required!

I had an idea for a Halloween costume but that fell through. Now, I am going as a squid. I need all of your best (worst) squid related jokes!

(Edit) Thank you all! They were loved (hated) just as I had hoped!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Izmaster1211
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2022
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Grandma Jokes anyone? Hit me with your best dad jokes for my Grandma who loves dumb jokes and needs some laughs

I hope this type of post is allowed!

I am going to visit my grandma this Tuesday to say goodbye to her. She is 87 and very ill, she is mentally still with it but in a lot of pain. She sounds at peace, I think she is just doing her best to hang on til we can get to her.

My grandma loves stupid jokes, dad jokes, puns, all that stuff. I’d love to share some laughs with her when I say goodbye. Hit me with your favorite and dumbest dad jokes and I will share the best ones with her.

Thank you Reddit fam!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atrashx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
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You've heard of β€œWell in that case” now get ready for...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mikubestgirl_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2022
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Bet Jay Z loves a 99. (Rest of world buddies, a 99 is the name of the best UK ice cream, not what you're thinking). (UK people, it is the best)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BCurios
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2021
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She does things
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beerbellybegone
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2022
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The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best. Winter boasts, "Well, you can build snowmen and the snow is so beautiful. And Christmas!! Everyone loves Christmas!"

Spring laughs, "Well sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!"

Summer rays, "Yes, but I am undoubtedly the overall best season! Girls in bikinis, ice cream, nice weather. You can't top that. What about you autumn, what do you have to offer?"

Autumn leaves

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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2021
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Not a joke. But I wish it was.

I am not a dad. I am a daughter. For longer than I can remember, I have called my dad at "too early" times in the morning, woke him up, and told him a joke. This was a daily occurrence. Hence how I found this sub.

My dad died on Monday. You guys helped me wake him up with laughter so many times and I got to hear him laugh every day. Thank you r/dadjokes.

Edit: spelling

Wow I really did not expect so many people to see this post or to take the time to comment and reach out to me. Thank you all so much for your thoughts and kind words. It really means a lot. This is a great community and I'm so glad to have found it. As a mom to two beautiful little jokesters, I will absolutely continue pestering them with daily jokes and keep the tradition and the laughter alive.

For those asking, his favorite jokes were the really long ones that took forever to tell and had bad/ the best punchlines. The one that immediately sticks out was posted here either Sunday or Monday and was the last one I got to tell him. I will see if I can find it and figure out how to link. It was about a farmer who really loved tractors.

Thank you to the kind redditors who found it for me.

https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/slwg7y/bit_of_a_story_to_this_one_but_well_worth_the_read/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndiPandi92
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2022
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A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
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[Request] Can anyone tell me a dad joke (from a young woman's perspective) on how to tell coworkers their age?

In a smaller sub I frequent, there's this super cute girl who loves dad jokes. And she tells them amazingly well. She's only 30 and just turned 30. (I suppose today.)

Anyway, she mentioned how her coworkers are trying to guess her age. And I said she should tell a dad joke (not a regular joke, a DAD joke) about her age.

Yes, she's a woman, but she's a lover of puns.

Can anyone help? (If I have a fee award, I'll give you the award. Though it's silver at best.)

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2022
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Pun/ funny name for a Barge!

The company I work for has just purchased a Barge for works on a bridge. There is a competition to name the Barge and I would love it if the reddit community could help me win- I get a paid day off if successful. The best I have come up with is the β€œPablo Escabarge” but I’m pretty sure naming our new barge after a mass murder and drug lord won’t go down!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ill-Summer-5383
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2022
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My son asked why sStar Wars movies came out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3…

I answered in my best yoda impersonation: β€˜in charge of scheduling, I was’

My son loved it, I heard a sigh from my SO, and when I looked at her, she just shook her head.

πŸ‘︎ 37k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demonazzzz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2022
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Need help naming my A/C unit - artist edition

Hey guys, i'm in need of your absolute best puns! I've finally installed my two a/c units today and i love naming my devices punny names in Google home.

One of the units is now called David Blowie, but i'm in need of a second name for unit #2.

So far we've came up with:

Air Air Cool J

Katy Airy

Airosmith

DJ Airfrojack

Airetha Franklin

Kurt Blowbrain

Airiana Grande

CoolCool Chanel

And the usual: AC / DC

But i just know there are some better ones out there we've not thought of yet, so i decided to ask for your amazing brains to help. Please show me your best! (or worst)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pyrrolidone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2022
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I confused the words "jacuzzi" and "yakuza."

Now I'm in some hot water with the Japanese mafia

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πŸ‘€︎ u/d0m558
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2022
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A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says β€œuno, dos...” poof.

He disappeared without a tres.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedeathwaiter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2022
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A bar owner is looking for some new musical acts to spice up the ambiance of his establishment.

He goes online, trying to find some local up-and-coming bands. He finds a couple of okay options: some country, some rap, some metal… Nothing really sticks out as the next big thing to him though. He keeps at it for an entire weekend, struggling to find something he really likes.

He then stumbles upon this video of an old man, playing the acoustic guitar on his front porch: a beautiful rendition of β€˜β€™Stairway to Heaven’’. Gentle, touching, absolutely gorgeous. The bar owner can’t help but cry. He immediately knows this is the man he wants for his bar, and gets in contact with him.

The musician, over the phone, thank him over and over again for the amazing opportunity. He explains that he’s a retired judge who was pressured to go into law by his parents, over 50 years ago. In his heart, he’s always dreamed of being a musician and to perform in front of a real audience. This is the first time he’ll ever get to do it.

The bar owner is even more touched by his story, and decides to immediately sign him on for 10 night shows. The old judge is over the moon, this is everything he’s ever dreamed of! The two men leave the call, happy and content.

That night, the bar owner hypes all of the regulars, telling them about this amazing new act that they’ll get to see tomorrow. He tells them to bring some friends, bring some family, no one has ever heard music like that before. The patrons are excited and promise to bring everyone they know.

The night arrives, and the old judge gets on stage. The bar is absolutely packed, people give him a standing ovation before he’s even started. Beaming with joy and trying his best not to cry, he calms the audience down. β€˜β€™Thank you, thank you so much, everyone. Thank you to Jim, the owner, for believing in me. I know he loved my cover of β€˜Stairway to Heaven’, but tonight, I figured I’d do some original compositions. I hope you like them.’’ He sits down and starts playing.

He slams down on his guitar and lets out a piercing screech. Everyone in the room freezes

For the next half hour, without ever stopping, he plays dozens of discordant chords while yelling incoherent words like β€˜β€™pineapple sauce!’’ and β€˜β€™love and hate are second cousins!’’. He screams then whispers, playing notes that don’t make any sort of reasonable sense.

The audience is stunned. No one dares to say a word. The sweet old man seems so sincere in his rendition, yet it’s just… horrendous.

The owner has a million thoughts racing all at once. How could this h

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpadesFairy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2022
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Why does tea brew faster on a hill?

Because it's more inclined to steep

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2022
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in the old west they would attach a lantern to their horse at night.

It was the first case of saddle light navigation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bort-bort-bort
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2022
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Yesterday I ate a clock, it was very time consuming.

Especially when I went back for seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xIR0NPULSE
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2022
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You can’t run passed a camp site

You can only ran, because it’s passed tents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsjawdan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2022
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Everyone loves pie. But when's the best time for pie?

3:14

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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What’s the favorite type of pasta among people who cheat to win awards in Broadway theater?

Rigatoni

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanHam117
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2022
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As promised, I put dad jokes in my vows today

I posted maybe a month ago and wanted to give you all an update on how the wedding went!

My absolutely stunning bride walked down the isle to "The Throne Room" song from A New Hope where Princess Leia gives the medals to Han and Luke.

My vows were:

"You are the love of my life. Ever since you walked into my life about 2.5 years ago, you have made literally every part of my life better and more beautiful, you have filled my life with a lot of laughter and love. You have this amazing indefinable quality to you that makes you so amazing and the perfect woman for me. I love you with all of my heart.

Even when we are apart for only a few hours, we tell each other how much we miss each other. Well today, I misses you.

I vow that I will always be there for you, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, but let’s make it richer, we are the Richardsons

I vow that I will do my best to keep you laughing, smiling and happy for the rest of our lives.

I vow that I will never give you up, I will never let you down, I will never run around and desert you, never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

I vow I will love you with all of the love, for all of my days."

It was a beautiful evening, with lots of laughs, plenty of serious heartfelt moments and lots of happiness! My wife and I could not be happier and it was perfect! I hope you all had a good day, I sure did!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerExecChef
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2021
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I need help coming up with a Punny female alternative to "Man Cave" for my girlfriend.

I am building a room for my GF to have a sanctuary to herself and I want to make her a stupid little hanging sign for the door and she loves a good joke. So the best alternative I came up with to "man cave" was Cooter Cavern, but I wanted to see what magic Reddit could come up with. Whatcha got?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/qbergeron648
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
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[META] I'm a Trauma Medic...

People are dying to see me.

Hey dads!

I am creating a funny slogan for a t-shirt, it has to be ICU/Trauma Medic/Paramedic related. Hit me with your best puns and help an un-funny person out please?

Peace and love

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AJHickling
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2022
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Every morning me and my wife race to be the first to say the three words that are so important to every marriage.

β€œCoffee is ready.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ortheas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2022
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Proud Dad Joke day today

Slightly long story. Tl:dr had to blurt out a couple of quick Dad Jokes today and nailed it.

Longer version I was wearing my favorite shirt today, in big letters it says: β€œDAD JOKES: that’s how EYE ROLL”… we were ate a state park with a lake, nice family spot. Near the parking lot at a busy trail crossing on our way in some random guy says β€œI used to work at the Pepsi factory but I got canned.” It took me a beat or two to realize he was talking to me, our groups had passed each other so I turned back and said β€œI got fired from the orange juice factory. I couldn’t concentrate!” Everyone laughed and off we went.

Hours later on our way back to the parking lot, same trail crossing. Random (different) guy turns to me and says β€œWhy did Norway put barcodes on the side of their ships?” Ready for that one (thanks r/dadjokes) I respond with β€œSo they can Scandinavian!” The pressure is on, so I turned back and said β€œWhat’s a pirates favorite letter?” He says β€œArrr” of course. I said β€œWhat’s his second favorite letter?” No answer so I give them β€œP - because it’s like R but is missing a leg!”

Everyone laughs, as we go our separate ways I heard someone in their group say β€œOh, he was good!” Perfect day!

Thanks for listening, I just had to share. Always be ready with a couple quick ones!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deekster_caddy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2022
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It’s Father’s Day in Australia!

Gimme your best jokes to share with my family!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ferny77
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2022
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Just got laid off at work (NOT A JOKE)

Please give me the best dad jokes you got

Edit (10/8): WOW. I did not expect to get this many upvotes or awards, let alone this many dad jokes this early. Thank you all for helping me laugh/groan this entire coming weekend. Keep em coming!

Edit 2: 10K???!! I’m at a loss for words guys. Thank you so much for the love and making me laugh and groan my ass off for the next 3 months straight. Let’s make it 4! β™₯️

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bassistheplace246
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2021
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How much does a polar bear weigh

Enough to break the ice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TACOOOOOOOOOOS
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2022
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Whatdo you call getting killed by a ghost?

Awkward

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fire_AIone1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2022
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