A list of puns related to "Best Holiday"
Spilled red wine all over my side-couch table and the book I was reading. My sister in law (over for the holidays) grabbed the book, (already soaked with Cabernet) I told her โyou can keep it, but itโs already half REDโ I was so proud of myself but got not a single chuckle. I knew this was the place to report my major dad joke accomplishment. Edit*
By the way, I work in hospice and the book was โ โBeing Mortalโ by Atul Gawande. Itโs an amazing read for anyone facing end of life. If it is you, or someone you love. Not to abuse my post,but itโs a best read! I am in no way associated or benefiting from any sales of this book.
I (old, fat bloke) am on holidays in Bali, Indonesia. I walked to the shopping center food hall and so am drenched in sweat. Young kid from family beside me (practicing her English) says "you are hot!". I said, "thank you, I work out" and flexed a bit. Embarrassed silence for 10 seconds, until teenage sister says (in local language) "Oh, Blah Blah.. (I assume it was an explanation)... Blah, DAD JOKE". All the kids let out groans and roll their eyes. I then did my best international dad laugh.
So it was my first time meeting my girlfriend's family and it was a holiday so I had assumed it would go like how it is in the movies, the guy being constantly criticized by the girl's family and told he's not good enough but I must have lucked out as they absolutely loved me, after we had the traditional thanksgiving meal at around 4, her family and I went to the porch to drink and joke around. On the way out to the porch, buzzed me thought it would be hilarious to take someone's ukelele with me and hide it on the porch, I promised myself that before the day is over, I'd use that ukelele as a joke piece and get everyone to love me even more. So the evening is going great, everyone's drunk, laughing, telling funny family stories when all of a sudden, I stand up, get everyone's attention and I grab the ukelele, picked it up and said
"I like to play a little guitar"
The hysterical, drunken laughs of everyone on the porch was the highlight of the best Thanksgiving I've ever had.
Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.
Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.
The funniest and cutest wedding puns by Puns Ville
It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
Letโs talk about rights and lefts. Youโre right so I left
Marriage is: Finding the one person to ANNOY for the rest of your life!
To some, marriage is a word. To others, a sentence.
When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.
Honeymoon: The holiday a man takes before he begins to work for a new boss.
When the TV repairman got married, the reception was excellent.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
What do you call a melon thatโs not allowed to get married? Cantelope.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe
To many girls think the word โmarriageโ has a nice ring to it.
Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it!
Two nuclear technicians got married. She was radiant and he was glowing.
Two florists got married. It was an arranged marriage.
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
Two pianists had a good marriage. They always were in a chord.
When a psychic showed me the girl Iโll marry, it was love at second sight.
The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, โArenโt you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?โ The other replied, โYes, I am, I married the wrong man.โ
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, โYou know, I was a fool when I married you.โ The husband replied, โYes, dear, but I was in love and didnโt notice.โ
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
A man inserted an โadโ in the classifieds: โWife wantedโ.ย Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: โYou can have mine.โ
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Whatโs the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?ย About 30 pounds.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.ย Second marriage is
... keep reading on reddit โกAllow me to regale you with a couple tales illustrating my late dad's sense of humor. Last names faked because I'm not that stupid.
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(1). At a routine PTA meeting about me in my Georgia school, everyone found themselves packed into a hot and stuffy room waiting for the boredom to end. Shoulder to shoulder fun, can you picture it?
My dad lets one rip. It's loud, smelly, and echoes. The room falls silent as the fart invites itself unfavorably to the nostrils of those in attendance.
He turns to my mom and with his best shocked face says, "... Patty!"
I like to think he slept on the couch that night.
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(2). During my old man's wait for us to arrive at the new home he had bought, he had to deal with ongoing construction and roughed it at a hotel for a few nights. He was a retired Master Chief Machinist's Mate, so cramped quarters reminded him of the sub's nuclear engine room. No biggie.
An interview comes up for a civilian nuclear power plant nearby, and before you know it my dad's sitting before these stuffy, serious, wrinkly old board members and managers, having his (mostly military) resume picked through.
"Well Mister Smith, we're impressed. Twenty two years is no small amount of time to dedicate to the service. But do you feel you're qualified to operate and audit a civilian fission power plant?"
My dad thinks on it for a second.
"Well no, sir, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."
He got the job immediately.
(For those needing the reference)
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Thanks for caring to read. I miss him a lot and this subreddit always reminds me of his sense of dry, quick humor. Take care!
Eating steak
"This is the best steak I've had all day!"
End of my birthday
"This was the best birthday you've had all year!"
Any day of the week
"This was the best Sunday/Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday/Friday/Saturday I've had all week!"
Along with the New Years jokes and other various annual holidays.
I saw this picture on the front page and had I had to send it to my dad. This is his e-mail response.
"Hey, Konceptz
Holiday greetings vary. Summer funny. Others try to spring a trap on the reader. Of course, that works best on people who will fall for anything. My Mom always told me that when I winter the mailbox to be careful for booby traps.
See son, I'm trying to look out for you. Hope you have a great Christmas!"
Quite dadstardly of him...
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