One, ein, un, bat, ekab, moja, wahed, odin, yski
He just doesn't agree with me. I think he is a very mean person.
Because it's the most punderful time of the year!
Link to calendar for those who want it: https://pdfhost.io/v/TQuSCzy.W_AdventCalendar2020pdf.pdf
My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!
"You"... followed by a smirk.
Not the response I was expecting but I laughed
"Ain't those lumpy farts the shits?"
This is my favorite joke my dad told me. He passed away 11 years ago. When we were cleaning out his stuff, I found a blank book where he had written a bunch of dumb one-liners and favorite quotes. I photocopied them, cut them apart, and gave my sisters each an envelope full of dad's wisdom. I wish I could have seen their faces when they pulled this one out!
My sister gave me one of his old cowboy hats this week, so I've been wearing it a lot and thinking of him. Hope y'all got a chuckle out of this one.
Dad: I don’t have any dad jokes because all of my jokes are funny
Dad: Masking tape.
But the jokes couldn’t be any cornea.
I know it's been done before, and many a dad before me and many a dad after me will get to experience this, but in these dark times this was a ray of light that pierced me right to the core with joy.
I came home, and my bright and bubbly ballerina 6 year old runs up and says can I have a hug!?
She asks very tentatively because she knows I have been out all day and the routine is for me to grab a shower (COVID) before I let them get all over me.
So I say, not yet I'm dirty.
She says awww... then she turns to walk away, but then spins back around and looks at me dead in the eye and says:
Hi! um...
wait a sec,
um, I know um,
um, wait.... dir...
[Face beams the biggest smile of accomplishment]
Hi Dirty! I'm [daughter]!
I know we have those proud moments when they turn, but man her delivery, the awkwardness, and the sheer pride she beamed out when she realized she just pulled the reverse dad joke on me...
It's not the getting reverse dad'd, it's the joy and pride she had... she could have just graduated college, and that's how big her beaming smile was right then...
It's a memory I am going to keep and it really lit up this dark time.
It’s for a discord bot I’m going to put in a server full of people who could use some dad jokes
That way, your search cannot be fruitless.
Hack the dad-a-base.
What does a depressed cowboy say?
Yee-nah
It was his plover from another mother.
Father’s Day...
I’ll see myself out
Cousin: I really want a dog this year.
Wife: What kind do you want?
Cousin: I’m really wanting a poodle.
My Dad: Just wait until it rains. There will be plenty of “poudles” around.
Everyone else : 🙄
My family and I were in the car driving down the road the other day. My 5 year old asked for words that rhymed with blue.
“Well, there’s glue, two, moo, snoo, zoo, boo..”
My 8 year old chimes in, “Daddy, what’s snoo?”
My immediate response? “Not much, what’s new with you?”
My journey to the dark side has been complete.
Actual scenario:
Me-“I can’t find my phone.”
Him-“have you checked your butt? Because I hear it can store a bunch of crap.”
Because they are koala tea.
Please note this contains sweari g but has the longest and best build up to a dad joke
Enjoy https://www.twitch.tv/videos/539694198
...he can quarantee it.
Why
She knows how to make bad decisions, yet stick by them.
On Oct. 29, 2019, the world lost a legend. Esteemed actor and comedian, John "Pops" Witherspoon, passed away at the age of 77. After making his acting debut on The Richard Pryor Show in 1977, Witherspoon starred in cultural classics like Good Times, House Party, I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, Bebe's Kids, Boomerang, Soul Plane, I Got the Hook-Up, The Wayans Bros, all three of the revered Friday movies and many more. https://4ormypeople.com/mood/2019/10/30/rip-john-pops-witherspoon
When we were the best jokes our dads made all along
"Hey kiddo, I'm heading to the store for cigarettes, I'll be back in a minute."
My dad: whatcha doin
Me: looking at Reddit
My dad: what are you doing if you already read it
Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two, you have two, son.
Son: Nope.... I have four. Point to belly two kidneys here... points to legs... and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.
Why.
He pointed at a mirror ....
