Your Best Animal Puns!!!

Let's see what you can doe...

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinNerd
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2012
🚨︎ report
When I go for a walk with my best friend, he can’t help but stop and pet every animal he sees. He just thinks they’re so adorable!

He has awwtism.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Three animals were having a huge argument over who was the best...

The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey stood nary a chance. The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength. None in the forest dared to challenge him. The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any creature. As the trio debated the issue, an alligator came along and swallowed them all... hawk, lion and stinker.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What animal is the best at keeping your medical information confidential?

A HIPAA-potamus

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Which animal has the best Wi-Fi?

Sheep because they have the most baas

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fed1931
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Are beavers the best builders in the animal kingdom?

Dam right they are.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of animal is best at hitting baseballs?

A bat

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CanadianBoi0
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are cows the best animal?

They're legendairy

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Heaven_is_Hell
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Congratulations to director Domee Shee and her Pixar crew for winning Best Animated Short at the Oscars!

Well deserved. Take a Bao.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cracksilog
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What animal raps the best?

A sheep as it's constantly spitting baaarrrs

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Atroxit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Son, which animal has the best rhythm?

The hiphopotamus.

And what animal is he good friends with?

...the rhymnoceros

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RianAzul
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What animal smells the best?

Dogs, they have a hell of a nose!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xevetv
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
7 YO daughter got me with this one today. What animal is best at closing holes?

Seal

EDIT: Both Mum and I groaned, but I told her I was incredibly proud of her.

πŸ‘︎ 721
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kactusotp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2016
🚨︎ report
What animal is best equipped to go swimming?

Elephants because they always have their trunks with them.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pompzi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the best animal to be when you're cold?

A little otter.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/count-buttula
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Which animal is the best at barbecuing?

The grilla

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainTudmoke
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2017
🚨︎ report
When butchering an animal it is best to use as much of it as possible.

If not that's just a huge missed steak

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BobaWillson
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
🚨︎ report
A horse is sitting at home watching MTV

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.

"Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."

Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.

Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.

One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"

The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatDekuTree3
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
my wife's long con

Not exactly a dadjoke, but she learned from the best.

So, it was last sunday and we did a family trip to the zoo with the whole family. Now our kids are 3 1/2 and 1/2 and we named them after strong animals, think "Leoni" (the Lioness) and "Falc" (the Falcon), not exactly those names, but you get the gist. We decided about our daughter's name about 4 years ago.

While we were standing at the entrance queue, my wife gently stroked our daughter's hair, lifted up our son, placing a kiss on his forehead, looked at me smiling and said:

"I have been waiting for this so long!"

"Uhm, to stand in line at the zoo?"

"No, honey, to .... take our zoo to the zoo!"

*groan*

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Horst665
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
🚨︎ report
My two 7 year olds got me tonight.

My 7 year old daughter started with "What do you call an underwater social network? Fishbook!" My 7 year old son then said "What is the best animal to hit a baseball? A bat!" Mother of god...what have I done?

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tinman10104
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2017
🚨︎ report
[x-post /r/Jokes] [OC] An old blacksmith was working in his shop...

when there was a terrible accident. The fire in his forge had gone out of control and set fire to the shop. The blacksmith nearly lost his life. He was bedridden for many months and relied on the help of his children and grandchildren to feed him, bathe him, and take care of all of his needs. Eventually he was able to get back on his feet, though his outlook on life had turned quite grim. He was now able to take care of himself, but he had lost much of his strength and dexterity from the injuries he sustained and he was unable to practice his trade. He fell into a deep depression and he spent most of his days sitting at home in front of the fireplace gazing into the flames, longing for the days when his strong hands could grasp a hammer and strike a hot piece of iron, slowly forging it into a beautiful piece of work.

One evening when the old man was sitting in front of the fire, he heard a knock at the door. It was his granddaughter, whom he hadn't seen in many months. She had overheard her father talking to her mother about how her grandfather was slowly slipping away into depression and hopelessness and she wanted to help. To the old man's surprise, she had brought him a puppy. "I thought that since you're always here all by yourself that you might want someone you keep you company," the granddaughter said. The old man's eyes welled up with tears and the little puppy instantly jumped into his arms and began licking the tears from his face. The old man and his granddaughter spent the next several hours sitting on the floor of his house watching the puppy chase around a rubber ball, bouncing, jumping, panting, and licking. In that short time, the old man had made complete turnaround from being sad, lonely, and hopeless, to smiling from ear to ear, full of joy with his new-found companion. As the hours grew late and the puppy grew tired, the granddaughter said "Well Opa, I'm glad you like your puppy, but it's late and I should be heading home. By the way, what are you going to call him?" "Life," said the old man, "because he has given me a new meaning and joy to mine." The granddaughter kissed her grandfather on the cheek, wished him goodnight, and she left.

Many years passed and all the while, the old man and his little dog were inseparable. Everywhere the old man went, Life was always with him whether it was the post office, the grocery store, and even when the old man went to the barber shop, the little dog would sit patiently until the last hair on

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyOtherAccount_3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
🚨︎ report
[REQUEST] Username Pun

Hi guys, I need to change my username online (mostly used in games) as it's not really something unique ( came from a book I read when I was younger ).

I'm trying to find something quite funny, with plays on words for example. But english isn't my native language and I find it quite hard ! So I'm asking you guys to help me :) You're the best for that imho !

If you could help me find something mixing music (percussions/drums), sciences (my field of study, physics to be more precise), beer and animals maybe (?) (because I like that !)

I think this is possible to find something using some science-specific noun and something else. But I can't seem to find one that suits me :(

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PRD-dat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2016
🚨︎ report
Chemistry Puns

Funny collection of chemistry puns

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.


How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone


What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.


Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!


Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.


Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.


How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado’s number.


If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium


What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe


What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A β€˜gram’ cracker.


What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)


What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.


How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a β€œcarbonkneel”


What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.


How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.


Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down


Why do chemistry professor like to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Regarding the diets of dairy cows.

I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"

That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.

You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.

As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.

I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.

So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fill a truck as well as square bails, there was still a net monetary gain from the efficiency gained elsewhere.

However, studies were done on the bails. The cows approached them differently due to the different alignment of surface area. The way the rain hit the bails and rolled off as opposed to soaking in leached nutrients out of the hay. Some cows even mistook the shape of bail for another animal, and approached them so nervously that their heart rates were known to raise significantly; such a rate that a tinge of acidity could be tasted by those in the know in their milk.

What all of this amounted to... is that with the new round bails of hay, the cows just weren't getting a good square meal.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/estomasi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
🚨︎ report
Had a true dad in my gift shop today.

So I work in a gift shop and a major portioin of our merchandise is dedicated to a large display of stuffed animals of varying sizes. Mostly everyone that comes in spends some time looking at them all but I got a special treat with this family today.

The parents and their two kids come in after supper time to look around. The daughters are looking at all the stuffed animals as the dad comes over. Dad immediately grabs the largest stuffed owl we have and holds it out towards his two daughters and wife and asks "WHOOOOOO is this??"

There was a collective sigh from the shop as the father and I crack up laughing. The best part was the stuffed bird's actual name.

Owliver.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/glennodad013
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2015
🚨︎ report
I stayed in Australia for a while and was rewarded with the ultimate Dad story

My friend had a really interesting job. One of those jobs you didn't know people could get.

tl;dr just read it, it's worth reading the whole description of the job

Before I moved, my neighbor's job was based in Antarctica. He worked with one of the research centers there, and his job was standing up penguins. I kid you not β€” when shipments arrived by air, like by helicopter or by airplane or whatever, the penguins would all look up with their tiny heads and look up so high they would fall over backwards. Now, penguins are super awkward in how they waddle everywhere, and so, not wanting to disturb the local environment, the research station had to have someone that could suit up and go out there and stand up penguins.

As soon as every shipment arrived, he would say, "Welp, better go suit up now," get into the whole penguin suit, and waddle out there all incognito and stand the penguins on their feet again. I'm sure they could have done it on their own, eventually, but the idea was to disturb the animals for as little time as possible.

I thought it was the most ridiculous thing when he told me, but he got the job through his dad's researcher colleague. Basically, the deal was they would get people to go down for 3-month periods (I think he ended up doing 6 months) and this was his occupation for that time. Actually, is plane flight there was one of the really cool parts: LA went to Sydney, which then went back across the Pacific to Buenos Aires. Then, on the final leg, he would finally go Buenos Aires to the research station. The planes actually had to be specially fitted for the job, though β€” Of course, you can't have typical runways in Antarctica because they'd get ice all over them and there'd be all these problems β€” so the planes had to have mechanics on board each flight who would, mid-flight, switch out the take-off wheels for the landing skis. Just like a sea plane, except it was a snow-plane. Coolest thing ever.

Oh, but the way he described working with the penguins was the best! Most of the time he'd just go out and stand them up, but sometimes one would hurt itself. Like one time one of them fell over backwards and hit its foot the wrong way, so he had to not only pick it up, but give medical help, too. He seriously had to prop up the penguin, take off his glove, and pull on each of the penguins little webbed toes, pull on their legs. Sort of like how I'm pulling your leg right now.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/L1AM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
🚨︎ report
Dad on Christmas Eve

Dad: "I went to this zoo the other day. It only had one animal, a dog. It was a shih tzu."

This one is performed best when spoken aloud.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterAndOverlord
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2014
🚨︎ report
You think this is a lot of snow, Buffalo got four feet.

You know the animal, the Buffalo, it has 4 feet.

Works best if you live in Upstate NY like we do.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/badwhiskey63
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2015
🚨︎ report
My Easter/Moses/Passover dad joke

I stepped out of the shower and my girlfriend was watching The Prince of Egypt, an animated movie about Moses. A musical number is about to begin and she tells me, "Good, you're about to see the best part! Moses found out he's Jewish and he's in denial."

"Why'd he get back in the Nile?" I said. She gave me a confused look followed by a disappointed sigh. Her underlying hatred of me grows with every dad joke. Had to share it with you guys.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pizzacat666
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.