Belle Black Puns

When he spots a doctor in a lab coat trailing behind a little black cat with a bell around its neck. The feline walks around the waiting room and stops, seeming at random, in front of a woman cluctching her tummy and puts a paw on her foot.

Without a word, the doctor nods and in seconds, 2 porters wheel her straight through a set of double doors and disappears.

It does this several more times, putting its paw on other patients before they too are wheeled off.

Intrigued, the man approaches the doctor and asks, "Hey Doc, what's that cat doing?"

The doctor replies with a smile, "Oh Mr Tibbles? Why he's doing a Cat Scan."

Step 1. Warding them off: Before you go on a hike you should bring pepper spray, better yet pepper spray for bears, it sprays further. Bring bells to make lots of noise and scare them off.

Step 2. Identification. Black bear droppings include remnants of berry husks, nuts, and possibly skeletons of small woodland creatures or fish.

Brown bear droppings smell like pepper spray and have bells in them.

It’s also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.

A guy sees a sign in front of a house:

"Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"

The owner replies, "'Cause he's fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

Every year for the past few years, I’ve written music for a tuba ensemble for a summer band camp. Last year’s music was titled “TubaChristmas in July,” which had “Hallelujah” by Pentatonix, “Carol of the Bells,” “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” and “Have Yourself a Merry TubaChristmas.” This year I’m about 90% sure we’re doing rock/classic rock. So far I have “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen, “Paint It, Black” by The Rolling Stones, “Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi, “Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey, and some fifth song I haven’t chosen yet (BTW I’m open to song ideas).

I need a pun that mixes Tuba with Rock or with Classic Rock. Similar to how TubaChristmas in July doesn’t include song names, but you know it’s Christmas music on tubas.