How do great scientists like to eat their peppers?

All fried. No bell.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Where can you get cheap gas these days?

Taco bell

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the scientist remove his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no bell prize.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThusSpokeGaba
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Where does Harry Potter keep his Gym equipment?

Behind the Dumb-Bell door..

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unholysifiman21
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.

It’s my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
The creator of the knock-knock joke should get a Nobel prize

.....get it no bell 🀣

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ambitious_orphan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What award should the person get who invented knock knock jokes?

The no-bell prize

πŸ‘︎ 388
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πŸ‘€︎ u/makunahatata27
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I got gas for $1.19 today!

Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SufficientNarwhal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
We always thought my sisters dog Belle was an idiot, until we realized

Shes won the "No-Belle" prize

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shromboy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife Belle made a great feast for Easter dinner.

After my first serving, I was still hungry so I asked for 'more cow Belle.'

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gherkinstein
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Hector Salamanca?

That name rings a bell.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Madouc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Barack Obama at our local church making continual β€˜Ding Dong’ noises.

I can see why he won the No peace Bell Prize

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnolife
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?

He won the no-bell prize!

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dextpat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I gave the dog a bath today and the wife noticed how soft she was and asked β€œDid you condition her?”

So I said β€œyeah, I rang a bell and then fed her”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billwashere
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Who ever stops the extended warranty calls should win a prize.

I'm calling it The No-Bell Peace Prize.

Idc if you steal this I just thought of it while making lunch and I got another one of them.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Barlark88
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
The one who invented the 'Knock Knock' jokes........

Definitely deserves a 'No Bell' prize!!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Comedy Routine

So, I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner the other day. It was just gathering dust!

What kind of bagel can fly? A plane one!

I went to a graveyard the other day, it was really crowded. I figure people are dying to get in.

Didja hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the no-bell prize!

What do you call a pointless pachyderm? An Irrelepahnt!

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!

Ever hear about the restaurant on the moon? No atmosphere at all.

And to end it all: "I bet if I gave you some thyme you could mustard a response to this complete a-salt on language, but for now we're just beefing around!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WyvernLord123
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
A woman walks up to a librarian and asks, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat?"

The librarian replies, "It rings a bell, but I don't know if it's here or not."

πŸ‘︎ 264
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheIndrajitKar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's dog and SchrΓΆdinger's cat...

She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Attinaux
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife about a ballerina in a picture who looked familiar. She said it was Anna Pavlova.

I said I thought her face rang a bell.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M4sterofD1saster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Who is the cleverest Disney character?

Gaston; he's the winner of the No-Belle Prize

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ktwin54
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Many people are unaware that Sherlock Holmes is based on Doctor Joseph Bell

In his practice, Dr. Bell sometimes had to treat constipation. That's how he learned to de-deuce.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NathanielleS
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
This guy stops in a second hand petshop looking for a last minute Christmas gift for his wife.

The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500. The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him β€œThis is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.” He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining β€œjingle bells” in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations.. β€œRudolph” β€œFrosty the Snowman” β€œDrummer Boy” even β€œI Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” in the best impersonations he’s ever heard! The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. β€œ No no honey this works watch” he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs. β€œNO honey it really works watch!” β€œIm going to bed, Merry Christmas” says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs. β€œWAIT Honey, one more time, please!” He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out β€œCHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hipphazy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
To avoid bear attacks, carry little bells and pepper spray.

It’s also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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Why couldn't they ring the jinge bells this holiday season?

Why couldn't they ring the jinge bells this holiday season?

There was noel

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Curious

A guy sees a sign in front of a house:

"Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"

The owner replies, "'Cause he's fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spazpekker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the library looking for a book about Pavlov’s dog and SchrΓΆdinger’s cat

The librarian said it rang a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/colemacgrath2009
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Just some jokes about colours

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

  • a carrot

What’s brown and sounds like a bell?

  • dung

What’s green and smells like red paint?

  • green paint

Whats red and bad for your teeth

  • a brick

I was diagnosed with colour blindness today,

  • I tell you, that came right out of the purple.

Colours making a phone call... Green green, green green....Yellow!

What colour is the wind

  • blew

What’s grey and can’t fly

  • a car park
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djgw88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat.

The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."

πŸ‘︎ 440
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
There once was a beautiful, snowy kingdom.

It was ruled by a fair king who joyfully ruled his land. Unfortunately, the kingdom was also home to a wicked thief who loved nothing more than causing mayhem for all the inhabitants of the land.

However, the thief was not your ordinary thief. He only stole bells. Any kind of bell, whether a tiny bell from a kitten’s collar, all the way up to the bell from the king’s royal bell tower.

When the king awoke one morning, the bell tower’s bell was missing. The king, being brave and noble, decided to follow the thief back to his lair. He chose four of his most loyal soldiers, mounted his horse, and rode off into the snowy woods, following the footprints left behind on the ground.

Soon, he and his soldiers arrived to a clearing in the woods. In front of them was a large, bell-shaped building. They found the thief’s lair!Pointing to the recent tracks left in the snow by the thief, the king announced to the soldiers,

β€œLook! The Fresh Prints to Bell Lair!”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddit_reddit03
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Beauty and the Beast is a great story about a beast who is almost condemned to be stuck as a beast forever but gets...

saved by the Belle

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A priest in a big church in Paris has a job interview with a new bell ringer. The priest asks β€œwhy should I hire you?” The applicant responded β€œI have a special talent!”

β€œOh, and what is this special talent?” Asked the priest.

The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.

At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!

β€œYou’re hired!!” He exclaimed.

The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.

The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.

A bystander asked β€œwho is he?”

The priest responded β€œI don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!”

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Quasimodo walks into a bar and asks for a glass of whiskey.

Bells alright? Asks the barman. None of your fucking business he replies.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adam14brfc
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A church was hiring a new bell ringer

And they interviewed an applicant named Stan. Stan had no arms due to an accident so the hiring manager asked how he would ever be able to do the job.

"I'll show you",said Stan.

They walked up flight after flight of stairs to the Bell tower all the while the manager wondered how Stan would ever be able to do the job. His questions were soon answered when after reaching the Bell tower, Stan took off running striking the bell face first. Gooong goes the bell. Stan picks himself up, takes off running face first at the bell, Gooong.

"Hold, on. You'll hurt yourself."

"I'm tough," said Stan, " "and I really needed this job"

"Ok," said the manager, leaving Stan to do the job.

All day the bell rang on the hour correctly and the manager thought too soon that he had misjudged Stan. Finally, at six in the evening there were only three gongs, then a commotion. Going out to see what was going on he found Stan dead on the street below. Apparently he had become disoriented from head trauma and missed the bell entirely falling to the street below.

"Who was this man, Who was he?" asked the crowd.

Not wanting to admit liability for the accident, the manager said "I don't know."

"But his face sure rings a bell"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_pos-tmodern_man
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I only have a knocker on my front door

Hoping for the No Bell prize!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eothred
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the guy who invented knock knock jokes get?

A no bell prize.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UltimateAnemone
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What award did the inventor of the knock knock jokes get??

The No-Bell Prize πŸ•ΊπŸΌ

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyThereLinus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Who ever invented "Knock - Knock" jokes.

Should get a No-Bell prize. πŸ˜…πŸ€£πŸ˜ŽβœŒ.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icu451
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Whoever invented "Knock knock" jokes...

should get a no-bell prize.

πŸ‘︎ 128
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dogs and SchrΓΆdinger's cat.

She said it rang a bell but she didn't know if it was there or not.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Whoever invented knock knock jokes

Should get a no bell prize

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ISe7eNI
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Can anyone inform me on who invented knock knock jokes ?

They deserve a no bell prize

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darkalan64
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who invented the door knocker?

he won the no-bell prize!

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The person that invented Knock Knock Jokes

Should get a no bell prize.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.

I call it my jingle bell rock!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jxwtf585
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.

I call it my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jxwtf585
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I got gas today for $1.39.

Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/T1nkyWinky
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report

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