Beatrice Foods Puns

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

I guess the concept didn't work

..is that witches arent Subarus friends or good people in general.They are at best people that helped him along the way but not his friends in any shape or form.He even doesnt have found memories of them after arc 4.

Every witch is disgusting monster and did horrible stuff even Minerva and Carmila.They are lunatics and there own monsters.

I will count every witches not moral/right behaviour to show how they are least from good people in anyway.

1st.Lets start with Satella:

Satella even tho she helped Subaru in arc 4 to love him self and has yandere personality that seems to control her doesnt make her a good person in slighest.

True she surly have taken witch factor of Envy becuse she was forced to(which made her even more crazy and created Envy personality) but Echidona clearly points out that it was her(Satellas) decision to eat half of the world not Envys and as well knowing that Echidona detests her in some form should show she is not much of a good and sane person since this is Echidona we are talking about(even tho she is friends with other witches who can be said to be sometimes worser then Echidona even she is disgusted by Satella which shows how maybe messed up she is).And we did saw more people deteseted by Echidona like Pandora who is argueable one of most insane people in series just going by arc 4....True Echidona detests Emilia as well but for diffrent reasons while for Satella and Pandora it looks like its becuse of there actions and bad nature.

And not to mention that Satella is one of people that is hinted at to control RBD.And even tho Subaru accapted her help I dont see how she has right to say that him(to love himself) after she put him tru so much pain(true it can be said that Envy is seeing him and that she controls RBD fully but from "Shadow garden" scenes I dont see it being much of a case since she seems fully aware of what he is going tru).And Satella saying he should love him self in arc 4 kind of shows she knows his pain as she trys to not make him die more then he already did(which is kind of really hypocrite like from her knowning just how much Subaru suffered..).

2nd.Lets start with Echidona:

Echidona even tho she helped Subaru in arc 4 to beat the Sanctuary she isnt good person in slighest.

Yea she helped Subaru to beat possible doom of sicuaction that was the Sanctuary but that doesnt make her a good person in the slighest.

She was totaly fine with Subaru accapting her contract even tho she said she wanted him to

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

Mathematical puns makes me number

Ok, so I’m posting this to the only place I know where complete strangers might take me seriously. Recently, something odd happened. Usually, I would give anything for a moment of silence, I long for the days my parents leave for work- and I’m stuck at home, in online learning.

During those quiet days I would sing as loud as I possibly could, walk around without pants on, the whole shebang. It was just me and our house. I suppose I should move on. I spend most of my time in my room, this is the only place where I can find some sense of tranquility. The event I’d like to talk about happened, about a month ago. I’ve been chronicling it ever since. I hate writing day after day, but it keeps me sane. I’m going to transcribe some writings from my journal and a summary of events that I remembered. (Transcriptions will be in quotes)

[day 1]

About a month ago we switched to online learning, we had another spike in cases so the district thought it would be for the best. The past night I got into a huge fight with my parents, they lectured about grades and friends, y’know teen arguments, n I just stood and took it. What am I gonna do? Talk back? I’d rather die. I can’t remember the lecture, but it was most likely something important. Anyways, I woke up, and the house was quiet, it was 8ish and I had slept in late, so I assumed my siblings were in school, and my parents at work respectively. My dad usually went to the office these days, so I had the house to myself. I just logged onto classes. But here’s the kicker- my Wi-Fi wasn’t working. I texted my dad, I had no clue where the router was and how to restart it, it’s a wonder I can even post this.  I had a few assignments printed out, so I just did those. Eventually it got late, and I checked my phone, still no text, I think it was 5PM when I began to panic. No cars were in the garage, no one came home, I think it was to early to start dialing the police, and I’m certain id sound insane anyways.

I found some food in the fridge (we had plenty of leftovers, food was no problem). We had channel TV, so I put that on, and relaxed, my dog as my only companion.

Here’s a snippet I found from my journal.

“It’s twelve and they’re still not home.  I locked all the doors and double checked everything, if anything happens, will the police come?”

[Day 2]

Sleeping on the couch was quite uncomfortable. I prefer my bed to the couch; I have no clue why I slept there. my dog wasn’t there in the morning, an

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

He lost May

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

For my 2022 reading challenge I have decided to read 1-3 books from every country in the world. This past year I attempted to do the same but the lack of preparation meant I was bogged down finding and waiting for books. Below is my reading list I have compiled as several people have mentioned they were interest.

Facts

It contains 520ish books with two countries I still need to find something for. 40% are female, 55% are male, and 5% are by various authors. There is a mixture of fiction and non-fiction. It includes everything from memoirs, cookbooks, histories, anthologies, legends, folkstories, poetry, plays, fantasy, romance, chick-lit, and scifi. The bulk is literary fiction.

Methodology

I started with the books I owned that I haven't read or wish to reread. I then looked through my TBR list on goodreads and reassigned those. From there I looked up my favorite authors on https://www.literature-map.com/, and included other authors similar to my favorites. From there I googled each country for their top 1-2 most popular authors. I finished with suggestions from reddit (including the country threads on r/books) and the amazing https://ayearofreadingtheworld.com/thelist/ . Authors with unlisted titles are because I was not able to find a copy of any book by the author at my library or for purchase (<7$) secondhand. These will need to be ILL and I’ll be deciding on the exact title when I apply for the loan.

Updates

I will be updating reviews of the books, as I go, on a subreddit I made for this called r/worldwidebooks . People are welcome to join me in the challenge for all of them, parts, or just to laugh.

List

Afghanistan

• Qais Akbar Omar, Fort of Nine Towers
• Nelofer Pazira, A Bed of Red Flowers
• Farah Ahmedi, The Story of My Life: An Afghan Girl on the Other Side of the Sky

Albania

• Gjergj Fishta, The Highland Lute
• Kadare, Spring Essence
• Elvira Dones, Sworn Virgin

Algeria

• Camus, Myth of Syshus
• Horne, A Savage War of Peace: Algeria, 1954-1962
• Ahlam Mosteghanemi, Chaos of the Senses

Andorra

• Albert Salvadó, The Teacher of Cheops

Angola

• Pepetela, The Return of the Water Spirit
• Jose Eduardo Agualusa, The Book of Chameleons
• Ondjaki, The Whistler

Antigua and Barbuda

• Jamaica Kincaid , A Small Place
• Joanne C. Hillhouse , Lost
• Althea Price , Being Black

Argentina

• Borges , Labryinth, Ficciones
• Julio Cortázar , Blow Up and Other Stores
• Silvina Ocampo , Thus Were Their Faces

It really does, I swear!

Unedited; questionable language

Previously: Catfighting. Pole-dancing. Lacey is quite possibly insane, and kind of so is Rodeo.

We enter just after Kristia and Dallas have been eliminated. Things in the house are getting crazy, which I'm sure comes as a great surprise. Brandi C. is sad that her best friend Kristia was eliminated, so opts to drown her sorrows in some booze. Amidst all the revelry, Rodeo looks kind of serious. Normally, she'd be up on the pole with the rest of them, but she says she all of a sudden realized that she missed her son. Kids are such the buzzkill. She removes herself from the crowd, and Lacey, seeing this mini-breakdown as an opportunity to advance her own nefarious advancement, goes to get Bret. We cut to Bret holding a weeping and wailing Rodeo in the bathroom. Bret tells us that he consoled her and also shared how much he missed his girls. It made him feel closer to Rodeo, but at the same time he wonders how long she's going to last in the house of rock. I bet Tiffany never even would have thought about her kid once! Buck up, Rodeo.

Meanwhile, Brandi C. is wasted, and standing in the yard in her underwear. I mean, not that she doesn't do that while she's sober, but still. Jes calls her "drunkarooski," which I find hilarious. Brandi C. doesn't care to talk to the other girls now that Kristia's gone; she's going to focus her attentions on Bret. She waits outside the B.A.M.B. room until Big John tells her that it's not going to happen tonight. Her whining has no effect on the big man, and she starts crying. To ease the pain of missing her son, I think Rodeo should just hang around Brandi C., who often seems like she's seven.

The next morning, the girls are called to attention by the dulcet tones of Bret's harmonica. That's legendary harp player Bret "One-Eyed Snake Dickey Stabone Male Pattern Baldness Suffering Sugar Shock Monkey Foot" Michaels to you. Since music is the most important thing in Bret's life -- which makes one wonder why he insists on committing crimes in its name year after year -- he wants his special lady to be creative as well. For today's challenge, the girls will have the opportunity, in teams of two, to write lyrics to one of two songs from his solo album, and then perform them. One is a hard, uptempo rock song, and one is a ballad. I would choose the latter, and entitle it "Every Nose Has Its Corn," about the temptation and dangers of inserting niblets in questionable orifices. The overarching theme th

this is a continuation/finalisation of the game i was playing in this post. i was kinda jarred and sad when it ended ‘cause i was having so much fun, and daydreamt up a story on how it ended while i was at work the next day. it’s not as lighthearted or funny as the first post but i hope you enjoy anyway

it’s more of a short story than an aar -- whatever here we go

• be ciáran mac mór, son and heir of empress mór of alba, ruler of the most powerful empire the world has seen since the romans
• speaking of whom we live in rome and it’s dope. we got a hd widescreen tv and everything. my favourite show is rick and mórty
• spend most of my life from birth to age forty dicking around the palace and waiting for my mum to die so i can become emperor, hearing all about her achievements
• mumma mór is kind of a badass. known for personally leading her armies into battle all her life and being the most aggressive ruler of the dál cais (i removed the g cause it was ugly) thus far
• she took sicily
• she took africa
• to show you the power of flex tape, she sawed the byzantine empire in half
• before i go to bed each night, mórther sings me a lullaby with nonsense words and then tells me about how im gonna be emperor next and what it’ll be like and what i should expect
• “u gotta fuck up them vassals son”
• our dynasty has ruled this empire so long that knowledge on exactly how to fuck up them vassals is passed along from ruler to heir
• i will be the greatest ruler my dynasty has seen thus far. i’m not as strong or as diplomatic as my predecessors, but i am the most cunning (cause the player forgot to set my education focus and it defaulted to intrigue for the first time). i will outdo my mum by taking more land than she ever could.
• so when mórm dies cause she wanted to 1v1 a boar on a hunting trip, and i become emperor at 41 years old, and a large amount of my oh-so-loyal vassals conspire to dethrone me, i know exactly what to do
• doing as i was told, i bribe a ton of them with money and work to sway them to my side
• i put my own new twist on the traditional alba vassal-fucking-up family recipe by going into the dungeons and ordering ten prisoners executed
• a bunch of vassals sit the fuck down and go back to doing their jobs, but not enough
• alba is torn into two
• 150,000 traitors rise up against 150,000 loyal men
• the la